PeaBody-4 Reviews

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

A Disappointing, Pointless Mess

[3/10 · 14 October 2003]

Wow, what a disappointment! This is what Tarantino has been working on all this time?!?!

I was completely underwhelmed by this violent, pointless tripe. Seemingly, I would be the ideal target audience for this flick -- I have loved every other Tarantino flick, and am a hardcore devotee of Asian action flicks. Maybe it's because I've seen so many MUCH better examples of HK and Japan-based actioners, but this just doesn't hold up to the films its supposedly an homage to.

The film plays almost like someone trying to do a mock-Tarantino film. The dialogue is stilted and overly ornate, but none of the actors seem able to deliver it with the panache of S.L. Jackson or Pam Grier. The opening scene between Uma Thurman and Vivica Fox is especially poor. Not only does their banter fall completely flat, but having Uma murder Vivica in full view of her daughter before we've been given ANY reason to root for her keeps you from ever really caring whether Uma gets her revenge or not. The scene seems to want to try to get laughs at points, but ends on such a down note that it hangs over the rest of the flick. And what was the point of that tacked-on rape scene in the hospital? The whole start of the flick leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

The flick is also filled with cliched 'Tarantino' touches, from the disjointed time frame to the supposedly funny Pussy Wagon that Uma drives around in. But underneath all the glibness and blood, there's none of the humanity and humor that made his previous characters come to life. Even though Jules, Vince Vega, Ordell and the rest were violent lowlifes, we sort of connected with and almost rooted for them because we got to really know them through Quentin's sparkling dialogue scenes. There's none of that here. It's all of the violence (actually quite a bit more) with none of the imagination or originality that set Tarantino apart in the first place.

There is some good stuff here, don't get me wrong. The climactic battle between Uma and an army of sword-wielding yakuza is nicely done and stylish, and Uma's scenes with Sonny Chiba as the legendary swordmaker Honda are fun. But there's just so much brutality and pain that it overwhelms the somewhat limited good aspects of the film. 'Kill Bill' is a total triumph of style over substance, and it is utterly devoid of 90% of what made Tarantino stand out from his imitators in the first place. If this didn't have his name and reputation attached to it, it would be buried in the trash-heap of failed action flicks by next weekend.

Go see 'So Close' or 'Fulltime Killer' instead, and see what Quentin wishes he could be doing right now.....

Fulltime Killer (2001)

Outstanding, Stylish HK Action

[15 April 2003]

'Fulltime Killer' is easily one of the best action flicks to emerge from the HK film industry in recent years. It's a stylish, flamboyant genre blast that delivers several eye-popping set pieces.

The story isn't anything too original -- a 'new kid on the block' hitman tries to knock the city's top hitman off his perch. What matters here isn't the plot, though -- it's the way the story is told, the unexpected twists and turns along the way. Director Johnnie To ('The Mission') turns in a virtuoso performance, coming up with some of the most overheated action sequences he's ever shot.

Andy Lau is outstanding as the youthful killer. He's a gleefully depraved killer, giggling wildly while he closes in on his prey.

Honestly, I don't want to give away too much of the plot, because half of the fun of this flick is trying to puzzle out what exactly the characters' relationships with one another are. Suffice it to say that if you like mega-bullet HK actioners, this is one of the best such flicks since the HK heyday of John Woo. With this, 'The Mission' and 'A Hero Never Dies,' To is setting himself up as every bit the equal of the legendary Woo.

The Mists of Avalon (2001)

Extremely Poor 'Adaptation' Totally Misses The Mark

[1/10 · 19 July 2001]

This TV mini-series is an extremely poorly written exercise, one that utterly subverts the point of the novel on which it is based. And please do not think that I am some fanatical devotee of the book -- I found that it had plenty of flaws, but at least it had a point. This hack job misinterprets or leaves out just about every important aspect of the book.

The story has been rewritten and greatly condensed, and I understand the need to trim things out in order to fit it into four hours. What is unforgivable is that screenwriter Gavin Scott has turned Bradley's novel on its ear. He's deftly disposed of almost all of the Pagan/Christian conflict, often making it seem as if the main threat to Avalon is the Saxon invasion. If you are not willing to portray the Christians as the ostensible bad guys in the piece, why even attempt to film this tale? And in order to simplify things for the audience, Joan Allen's Morgause is turned into a full-scale witch and evil doer. Apparently they felt the need to have someone to root against, but instead of making it the traitorous Arthur, his religion-addled Gwenhwyver and the turncoat Merlin Kevin Harper -- as it is in the book -- Morgause takes the blame for everything bad that happens here. It's a particularly gutless and feeble switch.

Having Morgaine find aid and help at the convent near the end of the film is a special slap in the face to anyone who understood the book. That Morgaine would take refuge under the auspices of the very forces of intolerance that she's been harried by throughout the story shows that no one involved in the production seems to have grasped the Church's critical -- and negative -- role in the book.

Leaving the destruction of the plot alone, the production values were nice enough -- some great capes! The casting was especially bad, though. Joan Allen as a teenager?!?! And Michael Vartan as Lancelot is quite poor -- this guy's supposed to be an irresistible man of action, but Vartan plays him as a dour and stony-faced simp. And who was it that gave that horrid dishwater-blonde wig to Samantha Mathis???

All in all, this is an amazingly distorted, poorly rendered version of the story as presented by Bradley. If the producers just wanted to make their own silly version of the Arthurian legend, why did they feel the need to buy the rights to Bradley's novel? They sure didn't film it.

The Prodigal Son (1981)

Top-Notch Kung-Fu Comedy

[8/10 · 17 July 2000]

This Sammo Hung-directed flick is a must-see for any fan of fast-paced, realistic kung fu. Yuen Biao turns in another great performance as the rich kid who finds out (almost) too late that all of his fights have been fixed. Lam Ching Ying is also first-rate as Biao's cross-dressing sensei. This may be the only portrayal of a gay kung fu hero in existence! Sammo himself all but steals the show, though, once he shows up as Lam's thick-set older brother. Sammo's calligraphy lesson to his daughter contains one of his greatest acrobatic displays! If you're a fan of Jackie Chan's tongue-in-cheek, real-action romps, Prodigal Son is sure to be right up your alley.

Free Enterprise (1998)

Shatner - Great; Everything Else - Garbage!

[1/10 · 20 May 2000]

This film is truly two movies at once. About fifteen minutes of it involve a pair of sci-fi geeks' meetings with their idol William Shatner, who turns out to be quite the wacko indeed. These scenes are hilarious, with Shatner obsessively going on about his plans to produce a one-man musical version of 'Julius Caesar.' The rest of this overlong trudge through the would-be hippest backroads of L.A. is utter tripe. The two main characters are jabbering, rapid-fire bozos who banter endlessly about pop culture and sci-fi in a way no real human being ever has. They don't really have anything to say about any of it -- it's enough to simply say 'X-Men,' nod knowingly and high five one another. Their attempts to find girlfriends who'll put up with their nonsense makes up the bulk of this tiresome, unbearable film. Still, the Shatner stuff is top notch! A hilarious scene from his opus closes the flick on a note that's entirely too high to be justified by the tepid wallow we've just suffered through. Fans of Shat would do well to rent this, but for the love of all that is good, FAST FORWARD past every scene that doesn't feature Bill!!!! You've been warned.

Thou Shalt Not Kill... Except (1985)

Stunning, stirring look at post-Vietnam US

[10/10 · 22 January 1999]

Although I saw this film under the title "Thou Shalt Not Kill Except. . .," I feel that it would be just as effective under any name. The film is divided into two segments, the first taking place in Vietnam and the second back in the US. The gripping battle sequences of the opening section might lead you to believe that this is just a below-average combat picture. But it's when Stryker returns to the US that the film really takes off. He returns from the front a changed man, walking with a limp as he rekindles old friendships (and just maybe a love affair!). But Stryker's world is shattered all over again when his gal pal gets kidnapped by a murderous gang of drug-addled cretins led by Sam Raimi. The stage is set for Stryker ro reunite his old 'Nam unit and go on one last mission -- to wipe out the evil cult leader. The film is exceptionally well-written and nicely shot -- you'll believe they're actually IN Vietnam! And the performances are first-rate, especially by the actors playing Love Machine and Chainman. This is great stuff for fans of the genre, and has become a cult hit in its own right in certain areas. Stryker's troubling return to 'normalcy' closely parallels the experience of many Vietnam vets whose lives were torn apart by guys just like Chainman. Well worth checking out, if you can find a copy.