Perdicus Reviews

The Shoes of the Fisherman (I) (1968)

Coming soon to DVD

[10/10 · 6 January 2006]

The most incredibly prescient film about a catholic Pope ever made, "The Shoes of the Fisherman" is now available for pre-order at Amazon.com. It will be released on April 4, 2006, so you have plenty of time. At the time of its' theatrical release, the concept of a Russian or Eastern European Pope was unthinkable. Of course, we all know what happened only a few years later; Cardinal Karol Joseph Wojtyla of Poland became Pope John Paul II, and the rest was history.

"The Shoes of the Fisherman", stars Anthony Quinn as Kiril Lakota, the Metropolitan Archbishop of Lvov, who has spent twenty years in a Soviet gulag. Upon his release, he is promoted to Cardinal by the ailing Pope, who is trying to deal with an ongoing Chinese-Soviet feud. After the Pope dies, Kiril is chosen to replace him. Everyone is surprised--especially Kiril! But he accepts election, and becomes Pope Kiril I. The choices he makes will change the world.

This movie is awesome, and can be safely viewed by people of any and all religions (except Republicans). My rating: 10/10.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Using the wrong Anakin/Vader ruined it

[6/10 · 24 May 2005]

"Star Wars: Episode III" was a decent enough effort to end the prequel trilogy. It would have been much better, IMHO, if George Lucas had the sense (or the balls) to replace Hayden Christensen (Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader). Perhaps I am being over-critical, but I'm a fan; it's my job. Every time H.C. opened his big, fat mouth to deliver a line, well, it wasn't so much delivered as fell flat on its' face. Everyone around him was acting their butts off (even Padmé (Natalie Portman) turned in a halfway-decent performance, a welcome change from Ep.'s I & II), but H.C. was B.S.

The SFX were kick-ass (we expect no less from Lucasfilm/ILM), but there weren't enough Wookies. The Wookies got the short end of the stick throughout this prequel trilogy, especially when the battle between the Wookies and the droid army was cut way too short. Also, not enough Jimmy Smits as Sen. Organa. OTOH, Jar-Jar's cameo was mercifully brief (and silent).

Still, this film only rates a 6/10 (and you can thank Ewan McGregor, Ian McDiarmid, Samuel L. Jackson & Co. that I didn't rate it 1/10), because H.C. was totally unconvincing as Vader. Even at the end, where H.C. dons the familiar black armor and James Earl Jones takes over the voice-acting, he still manages to stink up the joint.

Infinite Ryvius (1999–2000)

"Lord of the Flies" meets "Lost In Space"

[28 March 2005]

It is the year 2225 A.D., and the solar system has become a much more dangerous place as a result of the "Gedoult" phenomenon, a natural disaster which has made interplanetary travel extremely hazardous. A group of roughly 400 teenagers boards the Libe Delta Astronaut Training Center, in orbit around the Earth. But the Libe Delta is hiding a deadly secret, and the students are swept up in a storm of sabotage and treachery.

Forced to abandon the Libe Delta, they find themselves aboard the "Ryvius", the most advanced warship ever built, hidden within the core of the station itself. Now this intrepid group of young space explorers must face the ultimate challenge: survival.

* * *

"Mugen no Ryvius" (or "Infinite Ryvius", if you will) is a brilliant, underrated piece of animation from TV Tokyo and Sunrise, Inc. A group of unruly (albeit highly educated) teenagers is set loose on a super-powerful warship with no adult supervision, and the ship's creators aren't helping any. "Lord of the Flies" meets "Lost In Space", indeed! Great music, a terrific ensemble cast, and plenty of action. My rating: 8/10 (points off for overuse of teenage angst).

National Treasure (2004)

I liked it; so there!

[9/10 · 8 December 2004]

A lot of critics slammed "National Treasure", but I still thought it was worth seeing--and I was right! The timing was right for this one, too, since it didn't have to fend off "Spider-Man 2". Instead, it captured the Thanksgiving Weekend crowd and didn't let go.

I wanted to see this movie primarily because Nicholas Cage was in it. He's an "Everyman" type of actor; sort of a modern-day Jimmy Stewart. I also loved Justin Bartha, who delivers great comic relief as the geeky sidekick. Jon Voight was great (as always), and Diane Kruger is sexy and smart. Sean Bean is the perfect bad guy (as always; why doesn't he play more good guys? Typecast? No fair!), and Harvey Keitel is perfect in a supporting role as the FBI agent who is hot on Cage's trail.

Overall, I thought it was a great movie, and I'm going to go see it again. My rating: 9/10.

Resident Evil: Dead Aim (2003 Video Game)

A cut above "Resident Evil: Survivor"

[10 November 2004]

This is the second "Resident Evil"/first-person shooter I have played, and (In My Humble Opinion) it is much better than the previous one (the above-mentioned "Resident Evil: Survivor"). It blends RE's traditional 3rd-person action with the 1st-person shooter style of "Survivor", which is very handy. "Survivor" was all FPS, all the time, which can get nerve-wracking, especially when you're fighting multiple enemies. In "Dead Aim", you only enter FPS to fight. Tap the trigger (R1) once to aim, and again to fire. If you don't like the odds, you can turn and run away, or fight back if the bad guy has grabbed you, then turn back and resume the battle.

Since it's for PS2, both analog sticks come into play; the left one for movement (if you're "old-school" like me, you may prefer the D-pad), and the right one for changing your aiming point, which is represented by the crosshairs on the screen. You can use the Right and Left buttons on the D-pad to strafe, but using Forward and Back will move *you*, not your aim point, and you'll revert to 3rd-person action.

Carrying stuff is a little different in this game, since the only limit is on the amount of ammo clips you can carry; a total of 6 slots are available, and that space has to supply *all* of your weapons. You get 3 different types of 9mm handguns, one .50 caliber Magnum handgun, one shotgun, one Assault Rifle, one Grenade Launcher, and a Plasma Rifle. Handgun ammo is plentiful, and the save areas carry an infinite amount. Otherwise, conserve whenever possible (especially Magnum ammo), and also keep plenty of health items in reserve.

There are only two really tough boss battles in this game; the rest of the action is pretty standard. Just be careful not to get too close to the really huge boss, and be patient when fighting the really fast boss (you'll see what I mean).

This is a good game for "Resident Evil" enthusiasts, and the learning curve is not very steep. There are three difficulty levels (Easy, Normal and Hard), which allow you to familiarize yourself with the game without getting killed too often. Overall, I give it: 10/10.

Series 7: The Contenders (2001)

Surprisingly interesting

[6/10 · 14 September 2004]

I find all "reality" shows to be exceptionally tedious, and movies about "reality" shows even more so (Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen in "The Challenge"? Bor-ring). This movie, however, was pretty good. Basically, it's 5 people set loose on the streets of Danbury, CT (so close to home!), armed and dangerous (they're issued a 9mm semi-automatic pistol at the start of the show, but it's no-holds-barred from there), and licenced to kill...each other.

One of my favorite scenes was at the mall, where the contestants were all drawn by a phony note. The young girl "Lindsay Berns" (Merritt Wever) not only had her pistol, but an M-16 (semi-auto only), a 12-gauge pump-action shotgun *and* a bulletproof vest (a gift from her boyfriend). She winds up being beaten to death with a metal cane (*severe* head trauma), by the older guy, Franklin James (Richard Venture). He is then shot by Connie Trabucco (Marylouise Burke), who is wielding a sniper's rifle. You won't see *that* on "Big Brother" or "Survivor"!

Overall, very solid entertainment, even though it loses points by being a fake "reality" show (SEE: "Joe Schmoe", "Scare Tactics", etc.)...6/10.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

Better than the first one

[10/10 · 11 September 2004]

I must confess; I am a huge "Resident Evil" fan. I got hooked on the games first, saw the first movie & got the DVD. Now, with "Apocalypse", the video-game-to-movie genre has (IMHO) reached its' zenith. "Alice", the heroine of the first movie, awakes to find Raccon City swarming with zombies (and more), while the REMFs at Umbrella Corp. coldly observe the chaos from afar, calculating the money they can make with the T-Virus.

We finally meet the S.T.A.R.S. (Special Tactics And Rescue Squad), most notably Jill Valentine, who is sporting a blue tube top and black miniskirt--straight out of "Resident Evil 3: Nemesis"! Oh, and speaking of the Nemesis, he's here, too; what was left of Matt from the first movie has been transformed into a hulking bruiser who carries a rocket launcher *and* a Gatling gun! Oddly enough, the movie sort of humanizes the Nemesis near the end (you'll see).

Overall, this was a very good movie, much better than the first one, with an ending that sets up (hopefully) another sequel! OTOH, once you've used up "Apocalypse" in the title, where do you go from there? I hope we'll find out! My rating: 8/10.

The Fountainhead (1949)

A pretty good movie with a pretty bad ending

[24 August 2004]

In brief--Gary Cooper does Frank Lloyd Wright, via Ayn Rand. Cooper is Howard Roark, an architect who struggles to make buildings *his* way, which is not necessarily the best way, or the way his customers want them. He is put on trial for blowing up one of his own buildings rather than have it done "wrong", and delivers The Speech that sets him free. It's a pretty interesting speech, but it would *never* fly in front of a real jury. They'd lock him up and throw away the key for being a pretentious asshole with delusions of grandeur, nevermind the unauthorized and dangerous demolition.

Ayn Rand wrote the novel, and then the screenplay, insisting that the ending speech be included complete and uncut, which it was. In her novels, Rand has always championed the good of the few vs. the good of the many (especially in "Anthem", which MUST be made into a movie!). In this movie, however, I think she goes a bit too far in trying to justify Roark's act of urban terrorism. Especially nowadays, in the wake of 9/11, I don't think many people would support a man for using violence to promote his worldview, especially if it is not a worldview which is shared by the general public (or "the masses", whom Roark disdains).

See it for Cooper's performance, for Raymond Massey's slow but but steady descent into madness (shared by Cooper, no doubt), and for one of the most unique and elaborate "twinkie defenses" in all of movie-trial history.

Underworld (2003)

Style over substance

[7/10 · 28 July 2004]

This movie is all dressed up with no place to go, with sexy vampires and rugged-looking werewolves, but no soul at all.

The main point of the story, as I understand it, is that Vampire Selene falls in love with Werewolf Michael; she is so much in love with him, in fact, that she turns on her own kind in favor of him. I've watched this movie about 5 times now (I have the DVD; just the regular one, not the "extended" one), and I still don't get the feeling that their connection is really that strong. So he saves her from a car wreck; so what? Vampires, especially "Death-Dealers" like Selene, have been brought up to despise werewolves and disdain humans.

The werewolves and their lives also bother me; why is this pack (apparently) 100% male? Why don't we see any females in their group? Are all werewolves made, not born? It's one of those nagging inconsistencies that really irritates me.

The movie has great production values, good tunes and nifty special effects, especially the werewolf transformations. The regular DVD has more than enough special features to satisfy most movie buffs, and the extended version is chock-full of even more goodies. Alas, this slickly produced action/romance/horror flick ultimately rings hollow. My rating: 6/10.

Dune (2000)

Borrrring

[13 July 2004]

The miniseries is much closer to the book than the original movie, and the special effects are top-notch; that's about it. The actors sleepwalk through their roles and fail to capture the imagination at all. Overall, it is twice as long and half as interesting as the original; plus, no Patrick Stewart as Gurney Halleck! What a shame.

Do yourself a favor and forget that this travesty ever existed. Catch the original (even in the way-too-short cut that is the only one available on video and DVD right now), and catch a Sandworm; you won't regret it. Then write your congressman and DEMAND the full-length extended cut of the original "Dune". 'Nuff said.

Shrek 2 (2004)

Brilliant!

[10/10 · 8 June 2004]

Very few sequels are as good as the original, but "Shrek 2" is one of them. It's a great movie right from the beginning, where we see Prince Charming enter Dragon's castle, and is very disappointed to find the Wolf* instead of Princess Fiona. It's "another whirlwind adventure" from there, as Shrek and Fiona's love is tested to the limit by the scheming Fairy Godmother and her narcissistic son (Prince Charming). Also, Donkey is faced with unexpected competition in the "best friend/annoying talking animal" category from Puss-in-Boots. Of course, they all (eventually) live happily ever after.

*This Wolf apparently does double duty, combining certain traits from "Little Red Riding Hood" (cross-dressing) and "The Three Little Pigs" (super-powerful lungs). Very cool...

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

Too much change

[10/10 · 5 June 2004]

I agree 100% with the other critics in this forum; the director changed too much from the book; this was butchery, not editing. Hardly any character development, no real explanation of the relationship between Moony/Padfoot/Wormtail/Prongs, Dumbledore, McGonagall & Snape reduced to almost nothing...well I could go on and on, but it's been said already.

I loved "Y Tu Mama Tambien", but the quirky, offbeat humor & charm of that movie (not to mention the previous two HP movies) is entirely missing here. The director wanted "darker", and he got it, but "better"? Um, no.

Good points; lots of screen time for Prof. Lupin (possibly why other, established characters got such short shrift), Honeydukes & Hogsmeade (brief glimpse of both), Malfoy & co. get whupped--twice!--and the Dementors were truly terrifying. Oh yeah, and the Hippogriff was very cool.

My rating: 7/10.

Hellboy (2004)

A Helluva good time

[8/10 · 28 April 2004]

"Hellboy" really suffers in only two areas; 1) it is compared to other comic-book movies, which (IMHO) isn't really fair, and 2) Liz Sherman (Selma Blair) gets far too little screentime/dialogue/character development. Hopefully, No. 2 will be addressed in the sequel (hint, hint!).

All that aside, if you're looking for a kickass action movie, this is it! It has awesome special effects, and Ron Perlman is the perfect choice for Hellboy. I also loved the whole Rasputin/Nazis/gateway to Hell angle. David Hyde Pierce is also perfect as the voice of Abe Sapien.

The plot? Well, Hellboy fights some scary monsters and equally scary immortal Nazis who what to establish a Fourth Reich (or something) by ushering in the Apocalypse. In the meantime, he tries to work up the nerve to tell Liz that he loves her. As for the ending, well, let's just say that it's pretty kickass as well. Be sure to catch it while it's still on the big screen! My rating: 8/10.

Stripperella (2003–2004)

She's back!

[28 February 2004]

"Stripperella" has returned to "Spike TV" with all-new episodes (check your local listings). Because of the long layoff, a new team of animators has taken over, so the look of Season 2 is very different from Season 1. Erotica Jones gets even curvier (if possible), and you can actually see her bright blue eyes while she's wearing her mask as "Stripperella" (in Season 1, all you saw were white eye-holes, like Batman & Robin).

Plus, there's new gadgets, new villains, and new double- (O.K., single-) entendres for the audience to enjoy [not to mention Erotica's cute co-workers at the Tender Loins strip club!]. I give this show a 9 out of 10.

Death Race 2000 (1975)

Roger Corman at his best

[10/10 · 29 January 2004]

This is the film that inspired Sly Stallone to make "Rocky", "Rambo", and "Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over". O.K., not really, but it *is* an example of Roger Corman's high-speed low-budget directing style in its' finest hour. A cross-country race that makes "The Cannonball Run" look like a soap-box derby, plus lots of sex, violence & political intrigue; a masterpiece that stands the test of time.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

A lot of fun

[8/10 · 25 January 2004]

Not quite as timeless as the book or the original animated version, this movie is still pretty good. Ron Howard ably directs, and the incomparable Jim Carrey is the perfect Grinch. Look for the scene where Jim spoofs Ron; it's hilarious. Buy it on DVD, or at least rent it, because it has loads of Special Features and is a fun movie for all ages.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)

Good but not great

[8/10 · 16 December 2003]

A slam-bang action movie, but not anywhere as good as "Pirates of the Caribbean". Connery's star power is lost in the confusion, and Shane West ("Tom Sawyer") is 2-dimensional on a *good* day. Interesting how all those bad guys' weapons were 20-30 years ahead of their time. Loved the vampire angle with Peta Wilson; hope she's back for the sequel (if any). But please, find a new director. Gore Verbinski (of the aforementioned "Pirates"), or maybe Peter Jackson ("Lord of the Rings" trilogy) come to mind. But not Spielberg. Anyone but Spielberg (tends to overdo it) or George Lucas (he stinks).

Dune (2000)

It stinks!

[24 September 2003]

Where did they find this director, clown college? Oh wait, strike that; it's an insult to self-respecting clowns everywhere. If he'd *gone* to clown college, we might have actually had some fun with this miniseries. As it is, the performances are wooden, the directing is heavy-handed and the miniseries is boring as hell. Trust me; go get the 1984 version (Sting! Patrick Stewart! Woo-Hoo!) and forget about this flop. 'Nuff said.

Birds of Prey (2002–2003)

What a disaster

[12 July 2003]

Hey, jellyneckr, were you watching the same show?

"It should have been put on the same night as "Smallville"..."

Yes, it should have; "Smallville" at 8, this travesty at 9 (so as not to ruin the "Smallville" fan base with a pathetic lead-in).

"never had a dull moment..."

How about nothing *but* dull moments? No acting talent to speak of (except for Dina Meyer as "Oracle"), no attention to details (plot? what plot?), no respect for the fans. My rating: 1/10. 'Nuff said.

The Big O (1999–2003)

He's back!

[7 July 2003]

"The Big O" returns with all-new episodes on August 31, 2003. In the meantime, you can enjoy re-runs of Season 1, now showing on Cartoon Network. It's gonna be a long, hot summer; let "The Big O" cool you down! Check your local listings.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

Great special effects, but that's about it

[5/10 · 24 June 2003]

The producers & directors went over-the top for kick-ass special effects and titanic battle sequences. Unfortunately, they forgot the most important parts: a decent screenplay, and actors who can actually act their way out of a wet paper bag. Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen killed this movie with wooden acting, compounded by lousy writing & directing by George Lucas. George, get over yourself and grab some of the creative team (Peter Jackson & Frances Walsh, to name a few) from the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy--NOW!!!

CSI: Miami (2002–2012)

Main character needs work

[30 May 2003]

This show is fairly solid, but one major problem remains to be solved; the main character, Horatio Caine (played by David Caruso). The show would be greatly improved if Caine were to:

A) stop using the royal "we" all the time, and acknowledge that his subordinates are doing all the *real* work, while stands around, brooding and looking important...

or, B) get off his duff and actually work the crime scenes like the criminalist he is supposed to be.

It appears that the producers were aiming for a fusion of Gil Grissom (criminalist) and Jim Brass (homicide detective) from "C.S.I." (original), but so far it isn't working. To my eyes, Caine appears to be neither criminalist nor homicide detective; merely a self-important man, standing around and giving orders. Make a decision, people; he can be one or the other, but not both.

Deathlands (2003 TV Movie)

It stinks!

[1/10 · 27 May 2003]

Since when did Jak start speaking in full sentences? Since when did Krysty need her super-strength to beat up Traci Lords? Since when did crappy movies get rave reviews? O.K., nevermind that last one, but the first two still stand.

This movie is a travesty to anyone who (like me) is a faithful reader of the "Deathlands" books. The actors mouth familiar words like "fireblast" and the like, but overall they're just going through the motions (and what is with Ryan's "pimp daddy" coat? I ask you!). The early scenes of young Ryan getting his eye gouged out were O.K. (and doubly cringe-inducing for "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" fans--poor Xander!), but the rest was crap. The red filter over the camera lens was distracting, and a lame attempt to create the "blood red skies" of the Deathlands. You're better off listening to the Judas Priest song of the same name.

I know, I shouldn't expect much from a made-for-TV movie, but even with lowered expectations, this movie isn't worth the film it was printed on.

RoboCop (1994)

RoboCop: the Series is an excellent show.

[4 November 1998]

This excellent sci-fi TV show is highly recommended for all RoboCop fans. Casual Sci-Fi fans may find the show hard to follow, since there is not much background given outside of the opening theme sequence. The show is somewhat violent, but not graphically so. Parental Guidance suggested. This show is currently re-running on the Sci-Fi Channel.