funzie Reviews

Titanic (1997)

It should have sunk.....

[5/10 · 17 April 1999]

Positively awful - the fact that I sat through 3 hours of this is a testament to hype. What is more amazing is that claims were made through the press that this was the most realistic version yet made. This proves that special effects and realism are not one and the same thing in historical drama.

The fictional characters (and some non-fictional ones) were nicely cliched, the romantic subplot having no bearing on any historical accuracy in relation to the period depicted, let alone the specific events. For example, any woman running through a boiler room of a ship of the period would be probably regarded as insane, and apprehended. She would also come out of it rather black. The fictional suicide of Officer Murdoch is in bad taste, considering he survived the sinking and rendered valuable assistance to survivors - this is, after all, a movie which purported to be strong on historical accuracy.

The lead characters are wooden; perhaps if the subplot had been real, they would have made excellent life rafts? The characters which say least are probably the most memorable. Examples would be Captain Smith (Bernard Hill) and Thomas Andrews (Victor Garber), not to mention the ship itself (or the iceberg).

So, for all the millions spent on special effects, you still have a "made for TV" disaster movie which, in my personal view, is of lesser status than the Poseidon Adventure.

My advice would be to watch "A Night to Remember" rather than this - that IS a valid account of an awful event.

Cold Comfort Farm (1995 TV Movie)

Gentle comedy in the true English style.

[9/10 · 17 April 1999]

The English comedy as it should be; parody of manners, lifestyle and attitudes, without being too overt. An adaptation of Stella Gibbons' book, and a very good one. Eileen Atkins as the eccentric and obsessive Judith and Kate Beckinsale as the headstrong Flora really make the contrasts work. Set in the southern English county of Sussex of the 1920s, and filmed there in the 1990s - and yes, there are still characters like the Starkadders out there! If you can find it, DO see it.

Love on a Branch Line (1994– )

Excellent English subtle comedy of love, life and manners

[17 April 1999]

A truly English escapist romantic comedy, in which a disillusioned civil servant finds love, tranquillity and the return of his sense of self, whilst on a special assignment to a small government "research" establishment at a country estate in the rural East Anglia (part of eastern England) of the 1950s. The fascination of a part of the English psyche then and now with the past (especially railways and agricultural machinery) is well caught, as is the need for the "rural idyll".

This version of Arcadia is a marvellous adaptation of a book by John Hadfield, with the entire cast being accurate in the portrayal of the atmosphere required. A genuine delight.

Demagogue (1998)

New age, new wave black comedy attempt

[2/10 · 4 April 1999]

A presumed (this writer can only guess) humourous "New Wave" black comedy (? - not sure). The plot capitalises on the modern fears of genetic engineering and the modern obsession with alien happenings, with (I think) large doses of Tom Sharpe type attempts at farce thrown in. This is also mixed with (very obscure) references to modern cult "gangster" movies. This does not mean it succeeds at being a black comedy or farce, it should be said.

Very broadly speaking, a secret organisation under cover of a cult "religious"organisation is breeding genetically altered humanoids in an attempt to produce a life form capable of communicating with aliens they believe will land on earth. They have fully guarded premises run by a dominatrix and supervised by a psychotic gardener (!?). Intruders are routinely extinguished by spade, trowel, rocket powered forks and homing medallions. The plot continues with a mixture of attempts at farce and gun battles along the lines of Hong Kong gangster movies until an unexpected climax occurs.

This film succeeds in the way the "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" does. The set construction would seem to share a similar philosophy.

The Owl (1991 TV Movie)

And I thought only Hong Kong movies could be as bad as this....

[22 February 1999]

Martial arts movie with more than usual absence of any semblance of reality in plot, made distinctive by bad acting and increasing the film/expenditure ratio by repeating the same sequence several times in slow motion. Yet another gem under the Smithee Banner - Bad Movie Night review please...

Rosie Dixon - Night Nurse (1978)

Carry On with dated humour

[3/10 · 22 February 1999]

British bawdy Doctors 'n' Nurses film in standard theme plot(?) introduced in the "Carry On" series of comedies. Updated for mid-1970s with introduction of full nudity. Very risque for its day, no doubt. Also very distinctive cheesy theme tune. Probably persuaded as many British adolescent males to become interested in studying for medical profession as more conventional methods.

Marquis de Sade's Justine (1977)

Extreme pain takes many forms...

[3/10 · 27 December 1998]

Pain takes many forms - in this case just watching this flick. Based on the writings of the Marquis de Sade. Distinguished by uninteresting screenplay, and pretty wooden acting - by the whole cast. Koo Stark plays the virtuous heroine, is molested, raped, chewed by dogs, and raped again before finally meeting her end in a pond - not a moment too soon (far too late, in truth). Good thing Miss Stark seems to have abandoned such productions.