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Reviews
Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
The worst movie I have seen in years!
This is by far the worst and most pathetic film I have seen in years. It is not that it is so bad that it is laughable, it is that it is so bad it is painful to watch. My friend next to me began staring at the wall because he just couldn't stand the stupidity anymore.
There is no buildup and the characters are instantly thrown into the plot with little background. This makes it so the audience couldn't care less what happens to these people, and actually hopes they get killed so we won't have to hear them spout their pointless lines any longer. It was as if the makers of this film got all the special effects done and then realized they forgot to write plot and dialogue.Therefore, the audience is given such classic cliches as "This house is so big. We will never get this done. Let's split up." I just kept being dumbstruck by all the stupid angles this movie was trying to go in.
The acting was laughable and I am surprised the performers could keep a straight face while delivering their ridiculous lines. The worst of these characters was the terrible exploitation of the fast talking black actress whose soul purpose in the film was to spout off stupid tired cliched lines that are intended to get a laugh. Shannon Elizabeth, although beautiful, also shared in this pathetic wasteland of meaningless lines and had no point in this movie beyond being pretty. Her little brother was equally terrible and I was glad they forgot about the two during half the movie.
The film also contradicts itself an many ways- the actors can talk freely through the "soundproof" glass. Also, when the house is foiled in a unbelievably easy manner, this "unbreakable" glass explodes. Interesting....
Avoid this film at all costs.
Death Screams (1982)
Can anyone make sense of this film?
I honestly did not understand this movie. In addition to the movie having terrible acting, thirty-something teenagers, and a lifted soundtrack, there didn't seem to be much motive or plot. The back of the box claims that the murderer was excluded from carnival activities as a child and was therefore getting his revenge. However, the movie never even touches on this. All we get are a few obscure and unexplained references. It is mentioned that Casey was driving a car that killed the sheriff's son, but nothing was confirmed. Casey's mother told him that stealing was bad, so he went and killed the one person he truly cared about. Then, towards the end, the weird flashback about him witnessing a woman taking money for sex. When it was all over, the one of the survivors asks the sheriff, "Why?"- I thought I was finally going to get some answers. Unfortunately, all the sheriff said was "I don't know". What kind of answer is that?!? All I was left with was a sense of bewilderment- and anger that I wasted my time with this movie- NO STARS!
Mommy (1995)
Painfully Bad
I do realize this film was made on a limited budget, but they could have made it so much better. The shots were grainy, the lighting was bad, and the widescreen dvd version was hardly widescreen at all. Apparently Patty McCormack has forgotten how to act, because she was quite good in the Bad Seed. The supporting cast does the film no better. The apparent parallels to the original only act as an insult, especially since the modern counterparts pale in comparison to the characters in which they were based (ex. the janitor at school trying to play LeRoy) The effects were terrible, especially the gun shot scene, and the soundtrack was annoying. Why Patty McCormack passed up other offers before deciding to make this one is a mystery to me. It may have been a good idea on paper, but was executed poorly. This film can only be enjoyed for its camp quality, which in itself is hardly enough.
Revenge of the Cheerleaders (1976)
Not exactly what I was expecting....
I found this title in the horror movie section of the video store. It did not have a cover, so I just expected it to be some campy horror movie with cheerleaders taking their anger out on random people. Instead I got a very bizarre film that tried to pack as much random nudity into it as humanly possible. There wasn't exaclty a script, and the plot was kind of confusing- but it made up for it in the sheer stupidity of the movie. You have to wonder what the film makers were thinking. The first half of the movie consisted of the cheerleaders running around (completely naked!) and then turned into some bizarre chase plot about trying to save a school from the "evil" commercial developers. OOOOOOH! And what was with all the messed-up dance sequences- all they did was fill time and they were REALLY bad. Also, at least on the copy I rented, after the credits was an ad for a porno video series- complete with footage from the movies!- Rent this movie for what it is - a bizarre porn. Do NOT rent it expecting any more.
The Waterboy (1998)
Stupidest Film in HISTORY!!!
I am a fan of Adam Sandler and feel he is a pretty funny guy, but this piece of trash is about the worst excuse for "comedy" that I have seen in my ENTIRE LIFE. It is poorly acted, unfunny, and a complete waste of talent. The only reason I can think that a great actress like Bates would sign on to such a piece of crap is that she is desperate to pay some bills. I thought the previews were terribly stupid- and the movie was even worse!! If you like seeing Adam Sandler talking like he is making fun of the mentally challanged and running into a bunch of stupid jocks- see it, but don't pay theater prices for it!
Ringmaster (1998)
Kind of funny- but don't go expecting a plot!
Just saw the movie, and the scary thing was, the people talking during the movie sounded just like the actors. The movie had its moments, but also lagged and was rather sick. It was all meant to be a farce, but once you see the pathetic lives of the people in the movie, you think to yourself "People like this are all around us" All attempts at getting the audience's sympathy are dashed as the actors do one stupid thing after another. On the plus side, there are some great (and funny) insults. I think I would wait for video- but it was a good laugh. WARNING- Jerry takes his shirt off during the movie!! (not a pretty sight!)