Paul Frees: Boris Badenov, Cloyd, Welcoming Man, Chauncey, Paul Julius Reuter, Floy, Evacuating Floy, Additional Voices

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Narrator : Well, last time was a black-letter day for our friends. Not only did Boris kick them through a doorway, into the Potomac River, but he's made off with the First Prize for this whole sequence, the Kirward Derby.

  Boris Badenov : Natasha, guess what? We *won* once!

  Natasha Fatale : Hardly seems possible, dahlink.

  Boris Badenov : Hey! Maybe they got new writers on this show.

  [waving into the camera] 

  Boris Badenov : Thanks, fellows!

• [Boris places the fabulous, intelligence-boosting Kirward Derby on his head] 

  Natasha Fatale : I got notebook, dahlink. Speak up.

  Boris Badenov : Ah, it's all coming clear!

  Natasha Fatale : Yes, dahlink! How do we rule the world?

  Narrator : But something remarkable seemed to be happening to Boris.

  Natasha Fatale : What is it, dahlink? What are you thinking?

  Boris Badenov : I can see it now...

  Natasha Fatale : Go ahead!

  Boris Badenov : Being a villain is such a waste of time!

  Natasha Fatale : What?

  Boris Badenov : Nobody likes me, not even other villains. If everybody was like me, what a terrible world it would be. The wise thing to do is learn a trade, like making apple boxes. Raise family. Gain respect of neighbors. Have friends. Because, Natasha... Crime really doesn't pay! And -

  [angrily removing the Kirward Derby] 

  Boris Badenov : Phooey, phooey!

  Natasha Fatale : Boris! You're not going to wear Kirward Derby?

  Boris Badenov : You said it! If *that's* being smart, you can have it!

  [Boris throws the hat through an open window] 

• [Cloyd catches the Kirward Derby after Boris throws it through a window] 

  Cloyd : He threw it away, Gidney!

  Gidney : Yep. You see, Cloyd, some people just can't *stand* being smart.

  Cloyd : How come?

  Gidney : 'Cause they can't admit they were ever dumb!

• Narrator : And our friends walked up on the shore and right into the outskirts of a large crowd.

  Rocket J. Squirrel : Wonder what they're waiting for...

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : Maybe waiting for the President to throw out the first cherry blossom.

  Rocket J. Squirrel : [to a man in the crowd]  What's the big crowd for, mister?

  Welcoming Man : New congressman coming to town today.

  Rocket J. Squirrel : Really? Who's that?

  Welcoming Man : Feller from a small town in Missouri.

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : I thought they already had one of those, once.

  Welcoming Man : Nope, he went back home again.

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : Too bad; he played a mean piano.

  Welcoming Man : This one's name is Squirrel. Rocket J. Squirrel.

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : Oh, sure, I've heared of him, he - Rocky, that's *you*!

  Narrator : And it was! Our boys were cheered by the enthusiastic crowd, and then Rocky was installed in his new office.

• [outside the office of congressman Rocket J. Squirrel] 

  Chauncey : Now there's something you don't see every day, Edgar.

  Edgar : What's that, Chauncey?

  Chauncey : A squirrel in Congress.

  Edgar : Oh, I don't know, Chauncey. Just a matter of time...

  Chauncey : How's that?

  Edgar : They've had so many nuts in Congress, a squirrel was *bound* to show up someday.

  Chauncey : True.

• [U.S. congressman Rocky uses the Kirward Derby and decides to solve the Hatful-Floy feud by evacuating both families from the state] 

  Narrator : And so, within the hour, busloads of Hatfuls started leaving the state heading east, while busloads of Floys were leaving the state heading west. Oddly enough, they all seemed delighted at the idea.

  [to a Floy on the evacuation bus] 

  Narrator : Uh, say, don't you know what "evacuation" means?

  Evacuating Floy : [surprised]  Evacuation? Dagnab! I thought that word was "vacation"!

• [as a newly-elected congressman, Rocky uses the Kirward Derby and decides to solve the Hatful-Floy feud by evacuating both families from the state, busing the Hatfuls east, and busing the Floys west] 

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : But where will they all wind up, Rock?

  Rocket J. Squirrel : I don't know, Bullwinkle. But once they're over the state line, they're somebody else's problem.

  Cloyd : Say, he *did* learn fast, didn't he?

• Gidney : Why so sad, Cloyd?

  Cloyd : We were in six episodes and I only got to scrooch one bad guy.

  Gidney : Cheer up. Maybe we'll find another one.

  Cloyd : How about that one?

  [spots Boris below them] 

• Narrator : Yes, Boris had been frozen solid by Cloyd's scrooch gun, and what's more, he was standing next to a flag pole. In his frozen position, he appeared to be perpetually saluting the American flag.

  Natasha Fatale : And believe me, dahlink, for him, that's a fate worse than death.

  Boris Badenov : You sarrit it!