DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV Series)

The Virgin Gary (2018)

Caity Lotz: Sara Lance

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sara Lance : [following the Beatles' arrival in New York]  Hey, Z, if you had to sleep with one, which one would it be?

  Zari Tomaz : How can you even tell them apart?

  Ray Palmer : Well, Paul's the cute one, George is the quiet one, there's Ringo...

  Mick Rory : Never met an Englishman I haven't wanted to punch in the face.

  Nate Heywood : Relax, Mick. If it wasn't for the British Invasion, there'd be no Rolling Stones, no Led Zep. No Black Sabbath.

  Mick Rory : Black Sabbath.

  Nate Heywood : Yep.

  Mick Rory : Well, then we... we need to protect these mopheads from whatever's screwing up history.

• Sara Lance : Jeez, who died?

  [seeing Nate's look] 

  Sara Lance : Oh, come on. We just met the Beatles and saved Fourth of July.

  Nate Heywood : No, it's cool; it's just all becoming... I don't know. Old hat.

  Ray Palmer : Yeah, we did spend all of last year returning displaced people to their proper place in history.

  Mick Rory : Four years doing the same old crap.

  Zari Tomaz : Yeah, I'm beginning to think Wally had the right idea; taking time off, clearing his head, traveling the world. Speaking of the same old crap, isn't that what he did last year?

• Nate Heywood : Look, all I know is Constantine promised us new, mysterious monsters, so where are they all hiding?

  Sara Lance : I'm confused. We are all happy that there was only one dragon, right? We don't want to be fighting werewolves in the Alamo.

  Nate Heywood : Eh.

  Ray Palmer : Well, it would be good for our ratings.

  Zari Tomaz : What ratings?

  Ray Palmer : Oh, you don't know? The Time Bureau rates all their employees. But don't worry. We-we have a few dedicated fans.

  Zari Tomaz : Yeah, Gary doesn't count.

  Mick Rory : Who gives a damn about Time Pig ratings? I want dragons.

  Sara Lance : What is wrong with you guys? Don't you get it? Constantine was wrong. Our crazy plan to let Mallus out worked. Finally, we're not screw-ups forced to clean up our own mess. For once in our lives, we are actual heroes.

• Ava Sharpe : Captain Lance, I would like you and your team to report to the Time Bureau immediately.

  Sara Lance : Copy that. Gideon, set a course for Star City.

  Ava Sharpe : I'm not talking about our field office, Ms. Lance. I meant our Time Bureau headquarters in D.C. Over and out.

  Sara Lance : [Ava's hologram ends]  Damn it! Who told Ava about the dragon?

• Ava Sharpe : On behalf of the Time Bureau, I would like to recognize Captain Lance and her crew for fixing the final anachronism. Congratulations.

  Sara Lance : What does that even mean?

  Ava Sharpe : Well, it means that...

  [ushering Gary out of the way] 

  Ava Sharpe : ...Paul Revere was the final crack in the timeline. You, my friends, fixed history.

  Nate Heywood : The same history we broke.

  Sara Lance : [through gritted teeth]  Just take the win.

  Mick Rory : I don't want your stinking medal.

  Ava Sharpe : There's an open bar.

  Mick Rory : Where?

• Sara Lance : You were right.

  John Constantine : Ah. What was that, now?

  Sara Lance : You were right! There's a magical creature at Woodstock. Now let's go!

  John Constantine : You know, for someone with a time traveling machine, you seem to be in an awful hurry.

  Sara Lance : John, the unicorn has already gored two hippies.

  John Constantine : [interested]  Ohh... a unicorn?

  Sara Lance : Yeah.

  John Constantine : Well, all right, I'm in. But first, I need to know, was any of your team musked by the beast?

  Sara Lance : If that's what you're calling its sparkle sauce, then, yeah. Why?

  John Constantine : Oh, they're in for... one hell of a ride.

• John Constantine : Look, this is your bloody mess, Sara, so stop playing tiddlywinks with the missus and get ready for the fight that's coming.

  Sara Lance : What if this is who I am now?

  John Constantine : Really?

  [looking around and letting out a sardonic whistle] 

  John Constantine : This is who you are? Fuzzy throws and... fluffy pink slippers?

  Sara Lance : I like my pink fluffy slippers.

• Sara Lance : Okay, reunion's over. Time to go.

  [chanting an incantation, he drops a handful of bones on the counter] 

  Sara Lance : What am I looking at?

  John Constantine : The knuckle bones of a martyred saint, obviously. They act as a divining rod able to detect the presence of beings not belonging to our world.

  Sara Lance : My team spent the last five months scouring the timeline for another one of your mystical creatures. You wanna know what we found? Nothing.

• Ava Sharpe : [surprised to see Constantine]  What the hell are you doing here?

  [Sara surreptitiously hides the bones on the counter] 

  Ava Sharpe : Is everything all right?

  Sara Lance : Yeah, everything is great.

  John Constantine : I just telling Sara...

  Sara Lance : About an exorcism that he has to do tomorrow in Georgetown. It's really nothing you wanna hear before bedtime.

  [ushering him out] 

  Sara Lance : Come back again soon now, John. Don't be shy about that doorbell.

  John Constantine : I'll be seeing you around, Sharpie.

• Ava Sharpe : Should I be worried about your ex-lover breaking into my apartment, or...

  Sara Lance : Well, I thought that... this was our apartment.

  Ava Sharpe : You are smooth.

  [kissing her neck, then heading back upstairs] 

  Ava Sharpe : Don't forget the bubbly.

  Sara Lance : [the bones Constantine left behind start to clatter, and one stands upright]  Bollocks.

• Sara Lance : I got a hunch there might be a monster loose in history.

  Gary Green : Like the dragon you made me not tell Director Sharpe about?

  Sara Lance : Exactly.

  Gary Green : [searching]  No. The timeline's only showing a few burps. This is the only signficant one.

  Sara Lance : What if there's a creature that no one's noticed yet?

  Gary Green : Well, the only way people wouldn't notice a monster is if it was hiding.

  Sara Lance : [seeing a timeline "burp" at Woodstock]  Or if they were on drugs. I'm gonna go check it out.

  Gary Green : Ooh, I'll come with!

  Sara Lance : Nope.

  Gary Green : But if you're going back to 1969, you're gonna need...

  Sara Lance : [holding up his watch]  Your time courier.

• Sara Lance : Nora Darhk is here?

  Ray Palmer : Sara?

  Zari Tomaz : Hey, what are you doing at Woodstock?

  Sara Lance : Probably the same thing as you are, looking for whatever is messing with history. Huh. I think I just saw Joan Baez talking to Carlos Santana. Woodstock...

  Nate Heywood : Turns into a massacre.

  Ray Palmer : Nate! You're here, too?

• Sara Lance : Okay, what is going on?

  Nate Heywood : Woodstock is no longer remembered as three days of peace and love, but instead, the end of the hippie movement. Reports from survivors are sketchy, at best. But what they all could agree upon was that there was a series of grisly murders that ultimately lead to a deadly stampede when 400,000 kids try to escape the festival at once.

  Zari Tomaz : Yeah, Ray and I just saw a body in the woods with a gaping hole in its chest. We think that Nora did it.

  Sara Lance : Well, that's a relief.

  Ray Palmer : It is?

  Sara Lance : Yeah, it means we're in the clear. Look, it's not our fault the Time Bureau let Nora escape.

  Nate Heywood : [hearing a call to check something out]  Don't panic, I left Mick alone here. He's itching to punch a hippie.

• Sara Lance : Okay, we can fix this before the Time Bureau even has to know about it.

  Zari Tomaz : Oh, really? Can we?

  Sara Lance : Look, Ava still thinks of me as the woman who saved the world last year, and I don't want her to know that there's a whole new problem with history.

  Zari Tomaz : Yeah, that we basically created.

  Sara Lance : You go find the unicorn, and I'll go find Constantine.

• John Constantine : You know, a unicorn is no bloody joke. You might want to get your ol' girlfriend on the blower.

  [realizing] 

  John Constantine : You didn't tell Director Sharpe that you let all the monsters out to play, did you?

  Sara Lance : Ava and I are in a great place right now. Better than great. In fact, she asked me to move in with her, and I said yes. So why rock the boat unless it's absolutely necessary?

  John Constantine : Because when the boat eventually tips, you'll both bloody drown.

• John Constantine : You and I are similar; we're both survivors. But our survival comes at a terrible cost. Look, you can take it from a man who's caused nothing but misery to everyone he's ever loved. Trust me, end it with Ava before it's too late.

  Sara Lance : You ever think that you cause misery not because of some romantic "I was born to walk alone crap", but because you're an ass who doesn't know how to trust people?

  John Constantine : You know, I trust that people around me get hurt, killed, or far, far worse.

  Sara Lance : You think that I'm not scared? That I don't know grief? I'm not willing to turn my back on life, because that is exactly what you're doing, John. Our friends and family, they don't make us weaker; they make us stronger. You know what you need? You need to be a part of a team.

  John Constantine : [seeing the other Legends tripping out]  You were saying?

• John Constantine : This is King Solomon's original grimoire; the oldest magical textbook in existence. Now, if there is a spell to quell our equine friend, it'll be in here.

  Sara Lance : Well, not to pressure you, but the entire fate of the sexual revolution is in the balance here.

  John Constantine : Ah, it is my favorite revolution.

• John Constantine : We need the Protection Stone of a powerful shaman.

  Mick Rory : [cut to him bumping into Jimi Hendrix]  Watch it.

  [revealing he lifted Jimi's necklace] 

  Mick Rory : Brother.

  John Constantine : And the lock of a doomed woman.

  The Atom : [cut to him taking a strand of hair from Janis Joplin]  Janis, this is quite an honor.

  Janis Joplin : Little robot man.

  The Atom : Hi. My mom is a huge fan.

  Janis Joplin : [laughing]  Your mom?

  John Constantine : And for our final ingredient...

  [looking at the book] 

  John Constantine : Quis virginem.

  Sara Lance : What?

  John Constantine : A virgin.

  The Atom : A virgin at Woodstock? Ha! Good luck with that; this is the least celibate place in history.

• Gary Green : This feels wrong.

  Ray Palmer : Well, don't worry. We'll be watching from a short distance, and you'll be... fine.

  Gary Green : What am I supposed to do with the pomegranate?

  John Constantine : Oh, the unicorns, they can't get enough of them, mate.

  Zari Tomaz : [sotto, to Ray]  Yeah, that and human hearts.

  Gary Green : So the pomegranate is the bait?

  Sara Lance : Yeah, we wouldn't put an interim member of our team in jeopardy, right, guys?

  Gary Green : I'm an interim Legend?

  [they all shrug and nod half-heartedly] 

  Gary Green : Well, then. Uh, one-one more question. Are you sure that I'm a virgin, 'cause that thing we did...

  John Constantine : Positive, mate.

• Sara Lance : Admit it, this is fun working with a team.

  John Constantine : Well, if ol' Gary gets eaten alive, it only goes to prove my point: people who care about us die.

  Gary Green : What was that?

  John Constantine : Oh, nothing, mate. You're golden. Carry on, yeah?

• Sara Lance : Gary, you're, like, really bleeding.

  Gary Green : [looking at his wound]  Ah! The unicorn bit my nipple off!

  Zari Tomaz : Hey, maybe Gideon can make you a new one.

  John Constantine : Oh, forget it, mate. Come on, it's a badge of honor. You see, my soul is heading straight to hell, but your nipple, it just got there first, that's all.

  Gary Green : It's like we're two birds of the same, dark feather.

  John Constantine : Yeah, yeah, that's right, mate. Come on, let's grab a beer. All right?

  [leading him away] 

  John Constantine : Now, about this whole virgin situation...

• Sara Lance : Smells good in here.

  Ava Sharpe : Oh, yeah, I, uh, burned the first chicken piccata, but I think I got the second one just right.

  Sara Lance : Those our medals?

  Ava Sharpe : I wanted to remind you of all the good you did last year.

  Sara Lance : Yeah, we, um... we weren't that good.

  Ava Sharpe : Would you stop being so hard on yourself, Sara? I'm proud of you.

• Sara Lance : When we freed Mallus, we accidentally released magical monsters into the world. And I didn't want to tell you because I love the idea of us living together, and I didn't wanna risk that or you thinking that maybe I wasn't such a screw-up.

  Ava Sharpe : I know

  Sara Lance : You do?

  Ava Sharpe : Mm-hmm. Gary was very proud about losing a nipple.

  Sara Lance : But you cooked dinner...

  Ava Sharpe : Yeah. Because I love you, you goober, and nothing is gonna change that.

  Sara Lance : Even after I went behind your back to work with Constantine to send a unicorn to hell?

  Ava Sharpe : Okay, yeah, I wasn't so crazy about that part. Let's not talk about Constantine. I'm crazy about you. Come here.

  [sitting down] 

  Ava Sharpe : Stop being neurotic. I don't think that you're a screw-up. I think that you are a damn fine captain, faced with some extraordinary circumstances.

  Sara Lance : God, I love you.

• Sara Lance : Do we...

  Ava Sharpe : Mm-hmm.

  Sara Lance : You and I, think that maybe right now is not the best time for me to move in? You know that I want to; nothing would make me happier. It's just... I feel like I need to be out there. With my team.

  Ava Sharpe : I understand. But can you promise me that our relationship will continue to evolve, please? I want this, you and me, for real.

  Sara Lance : So do I. We're gonna figure it out.

• John Constantine : No.

  Sara Lance : I haven't asked you anything yet.

  John Constantine : It's not even magic, luv, it's deduction. You need me to join the Legends, despite knowing that needing me always causes somebody trouble.

• Sara Lance : What is up with you? Something must have happened in the last five months. You're more miserable than ususal.

  John Constantine : Look... you and I are friends. And I like friends. Friends are useful, but roommates... see, Sara, I would rather bloody top myself than move in with you lot.

  Sara Lance : [standing to leave]  See you around, John.

  John Constantine : [finishing his bottle of booze]  Ah. So long, Sara.

• Sara Lance : You sure that you can't tell us what all this is about?

  Gary Green : Oh, I'd love to, but the boss lady will kill me.

  Sara Lance : Mick.

  Mick Rory : [pushing him up against the wall]  Talk.

  Gary Green : I can't. Director Sharpe said...

  Sara Lance : Whatever Ava threatened is nothing compared to what I'm about to do to you.

  Ray Palmer : You told her about the dragon head, didn't you, Gary?

  Gary Green : What? No!

  Nate Heywood : Did Constantine get you to squeal?

  Gary Green : I wish.

• Sara Lance : Okay, I gotta go.

  Ava Sharpe : No, no, no...

  Sara Lance : Yes, I gotta get back to the ship. The Legends aren't used to being on furlough.

  Ava Sharpe : Come on, they will be fine for one night. Besides, I was hoping that you and your team would be spending more time here in 2018. But mostly, you know... you, with me... in this apartment.

  Sara Lance : Ava Sharpe. Are you trying to make a kept woman out of me?

  Ava Sharpe : What? No! I wouldn't dare. I'm... just... saying that, you know, since you fixed all the anachronisms, maybe you wouldn't mind being kept, just part of the time. It would be fun to come home to you.

• Sara Lance : Hello, John.

  John Constantine : You know, tonight really isn't a night for celebration, Sara. The darkness, it's rising.

  Sara Lance : [taking his cigarette out of his mouth]  What are you doing? And what does that even mean?

  John Constantine : Mallus wasn't the only prisoner to escape when you decided to pull back the veil between our worlds.

  Sara Lance : And yet for the past five months, the timeline has been quiet. If you wanted to come and see me, all you had to do was ask.

  John Constantine : Five months is a blink of an eye for an immortal monster.