- Will Shakespeare: Kate, what's love got to do with it? Wh-what be love but a... second hand emotion?
- Will Shakespeare: Gods Boobykins, Kate. If... if a mischievous sprite can't administer a simple love potion to a sleeping innocent without being accused of assault, then, then I give up!
- Kit Marlowe: Ah Bottom, ale and pie if you please, and afterwards I would be oblidged if you'd mount my ass.
- [hands him a stuffed donkey's head]
- Bottom: That is not in me job description.
- Robert Greene: Lord Egeus, as you may know, has been ever a soldier. A hard, manly bachelor life. The closest he has e'er come to a boom companion to bring him comfort and love has been his horse.
- Kit Marlowe: Yes, I'd heard those rumours.
- Kate: [Kate pretends to have fallen in love with Bottom] 'Tis as if I see thee for the first time. My Bottom! Come, embrace! My Bottom! Kiss! My Bottom. Caress, cuddle and delight. My Bottom!
- Will Shakespeare: [to Greene] Bottom's his name.
- Robert Greene: Oh, of course that's al right then.
- [raises voice]
- Robert Greene: Except not!
- Will Shakespeare: Speaking of which, predatory sprites aside, do you like my Midsummer's Night Dream?
- Kate: If I'm honest, I think it's all a bit mimsy whimsy soppy grotty doo dah.
- Will Shakespeare: Mimsy whimsy soppy grotty doo dah, how can you say that?
- Kate: Well, for a start, three of the principal characters are fairies.
- Will Shakespeare: And proudly so! I would've thought, that you, of all people, would agree that it's high time that members of the FSNEP community were properly represented in popular drama projects.
- Kate: FSNEP?
- Will Shakespeare: Fairy, Sprite, Nymph, Elf and Pixie. FSNEP characters are appallingly underrepresented in mainstream culture.
- Will Shakespeare: They don't like the play! They think it's dull and needs more gags.
- Bottom: Well that's not a very helpful comment, is it?
- Will Shakespeare: No it isn't.
- Bottom: I mean they could say that about any of your plays.
- Bottom: So you really do believe in fairies then?
- Will Shakespeare: Absolutely! I've met one!
- Kate: You've met an actual fairy?
- Will Shakespeare: Indeed I have. A Puckish sprite, a will-o'-the-wisp in the employ of the Fairy Queen. It was from him that I got the idea for the potion and it is to just such a potion that I owe the love of mine own sweet Anne.
- Kate: Is this one of your jokes?
- Bottom: Could be. I mean it's not funny and that's usually a clue.
- Kate: I am sorry, my lord, but I am spoken for. I love my Bottom.
- Lord Egeus: And with good reason! Fine buttocks, strong flanks. Like a noble horse.