- Susanna Shakespeare: I can't believe you wrote this for me. I know I used to think it was all crappage, but if you really read it and give it a chance, and come back to it, quite a few times, and slowly familiarize yourself with the language and the imagery, weirdly, you can start to sort of enjoy it.
- Will Shakespeare: I only mention young Kate because her sensitive readings of the text have inspired me.
- Anne Shakespeare: You're not going all diddly doodah on her, are you?
- Will Shakespeare: Anne, please. 'Tis simply that I appreciate her faultless oral work. She has a fine chest and I particularly admire her assonance.
- Burbage: Thank you. Most impressive. He has exactly what it takes to be a star these days. There's no doubting that.
- Will Shakespeare: Are you mad? He's just a weird-looking Eton boy with a rather pretentious name.
- Burbage: As I said, he has exactly what it takes to be a star these days.
- Burbage: Romeo and Juliet be the title roles.
- Will Shakespeare: What? Oh, I see, you're working off that draft. Oh, that's all changed.
- Burbage: What's changed?
- Will Shakespeare: The title. It's not called 'Romeo and Juliet' any more. It's called 'Prince Escalus and the Nurse'.
- Robert Greene: My dear Gussie. The thing about making a transaction is always to demand payment before delivering the goods. You, I'm afraid, gave your valuable information gratis. And now have naught to sell.
- Gussie Snootyloins: You're giving me nothing?
- Robert Greene: On the contrary. I'm giving you a valuable lesson. Good day.
- Lucy: [about the Maasai milk-drinking ceremony] Oh, oh, it is a very boring ceremony. Bah! But not as boring as Henry the Sixth Part Three.
- Will Shakespeare: Ha Ha! You jest, of course. Hard to see how a five-act, forty-seven-character play written entirely in blank verse about a third of the life of a lesser-known Henry could be described as boring.
- Kit Marlowe: [about Henry Southampton] You know him well. That posh boy you used to fancy.
- Will Shakespeare: I did not fancy him. I merely happened to mention in passing that he was lovelier than a summer's day and that his eternal beauty would live as long as men still breathed and had eyes to see. Entirely ambiguous lines, I think you'll agree, and not remotely suggestive of a deeply personal and agonizing private passion.
- Kate: [about Romeo and Juliet] So exciting. English teatre's first proper romantic tragedy, and is all complete?
- Will Shakespeare: Pretty much. Although I'm still not entirely happy with the balcony scene. Something tells me it's going to be a biggie. What do you think? Goodnight, goodnight. Parting is just so boring... that I could say goodnignt till it be morning.
- Kate: Maybe you could afford to lose that one, Mr. Shakespeare. Bit weak.
- Will Shakespeare: It is not weak. It's a bolted-on pant-wetter. And in my view, it will get even funnier as the meaning of the pun fades ever further into history.
- Burbage: Kempe's line was rather more succinct. Yours is a tad obscure.
- Condell: Oh, very obscure.
- Kempe: Like, mad obscure.
- Will Shakespeare: It's not obscure at all. It's as clear as fairy snot.
- Will Shakespeare: I for one, hope that one day lady-acting will be made legal.
- Anne Shakespeare: Escept that, if it ever were, I expect most of the girls' parts would be hackneyed clichés, and like as not they'd be expected to show their boobingtons.
- Will Shakespeare: I fear you may be right. And also 'tis certain they'd earn less too.
- Anne Shakespeare: For doing the same job as a man? surely not. Well, that would be just ridiculous.