- Will Shakespeare: Perhaps in future age despotic megalomaniacs will not secure power through lies, false news and the rewriting of history. But for now, the bigger the porkies you tell, the greater the power you wield. Gentlemen, I feel another Henry coming on!
- Kate: In the lexicon of male abuse, is any cod-dangle word ever as powerful an expression of hatred as a term that hails from the tufted lady grotto?
- Anne Shakespeare: Will, there is no time for obscure black verse.
- Will Shakespeare: How can you say that? There is always time for obscure blank verse or my whole life is a lie!
- Bottom: Whoever it was who coined the phrase 'a change is as good as a rest' obviously wasn't a servant.
- Will Shakespeare: That was me, wasn't it? Yes, I think that's definitely one of mine.
- Bottom: So when my gran used to say that to me when I was a tiny, tiny lad, she was quoting you then, was she?
- Anne Shakespeare: You really have got to stop taking well-known sayings and claiming you wrote them, Will. You're better than that, you know you are.
- Bottom: I presume I'm in with the cow?
- John Shakespeare: Don't be so bloody cheeky, where would I sleep?
- [laughs at his own joke]
- Simon Hunt: As a Christian, I can think of nothing more glorious than to be tortured and killed by other Christians over minor details in the church service.
- Bottom: No sooner said than done.
- Will Shakespeare: Now, that is one of mine, isn't it?
- Bottom: You can't claim to be inventing the entire English language.
- Will Shakespeare: Can't I, Botsky? Watch this space.
- Will Shakespeare: Why can't we be like the Muslims? They have their Shiites and their Sunnis as we have our Protestants and Catholics but unlike us they don't seem to feel the need to start a holy war over it.
- Anne Shakespeare: You wait, someone will stir them up in the end.