Ryan Hansen Solves Crimes on Television (TV Series)

Jane D'Oh! (2017)

Ryan Hansen: Ryan Hansen

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ryan Hansen : I don't know how the writers are going to improve on the plot. It's such a barnburner. It's like, how do you top opening on a dead body?

  [cut to a shot of a pair of victims] 

  Ryan Hansen : Two dead bodies.

• Ryan Hansen : What's your read on this one.

  Jessica Mathers : Well, they're dead.

  Ryan Hansen : Man sure, sure.

  Ryan Hansen : [referring to the costumes the victims are wearing]  What do make of their outfits

  Jessica Mathers : Maybe they found out they were auditioning for the same role as you and decided to kill themselves out of shame.

• Ryan Hansen : Hey, do you think I should have a badge.

  Jessica Mathers : No.

  Ryan Hansen : Really?

  Jessica Mathers : Yes.

  Ryan Hansen : Why?

  Jessica Mathers : Because you're a moron... and it would be illegal - but mostly the first part.

• Ryan Hansen : How am I supposed to give an authentic performance if I don't have a gun or a badge?

  Jessica Mathers : I guess you'll just have to rely on the suspension of disbelief.

• Ryan Hansen : Okay, whoa, whoa, hold on now! Wait, wait, okay, okay? Look I get it. I know why you killed her. I know what it's like to love something that doesn't love you back. I've been a working actor for over a decade and most people just confuse me with Ryan Philippe. And, yeah, after all these years, I got my own show and it's not even on television. It's on a website that most people think they jerk off to. I know your pain, Parker. I'm the same as you. We all hurt.

• [Mathers slugs the murderous Parker, then arrests her] 

  Ryan Hansen : Took you long enough.

  Jessica Mathers : I didn't want to interrupt your monologue.

• Parker Starr : You tricked me.

  Ryan Hansen : It's called acting, bitch. Look it up.

• Jessica Mathers : Hey, haircut, catch.

  [Mathers tosses Hansen a badge] 

  Ryan Hansen : No way. Seriously?

  Jessica Mathers : It's a meter maid's badge, but I don't think anyone'll notice.

  Ryan Hansen : See you tomorrow. Thanks.

  [picks up a coffee stirrer] 

  Jessica Mathers : Mouth prop.