- Esther: I don't work out. Everything you see is God-given.
- Lucifer Morningstar: And they say that Dad doesn't give with both hands.
- Dan Espinoza: He's a dude and he's straight.
- Lucifer Morningstar: That's never stopped me before, Daniel. I'm so good at flipping men, they call me "The Skillet."
- Linda Martin: Dealing with mortality was so much easier when I was just another clueless idiot.
- [Teary]
- Linda Martin: Being a celestial insider... really sucks. I used to walk around thinking maybe reincarnation was real. Sure, it sounded bonkers, but I could still wonder, still hope...
- [sighs]
- Linda Martin: What if I came back as a chameleon or something? Chameleons are cool.
- Charlotte: You know this darkness that you say you see in me? I've been trying to address it, and, uh, details would help.
- [Picks up dropped murder weapon]
- Charlotte: So, where do you see it, exactly? How? When?
- Ella Lopez: Like, now. Right about there.
- [Gestures to the knife]
- Charlotte: Oh.
- [Puts it down]
- Ella Lopez: Little better. But you know, still, you don't exactly scream rainbows and sunshine, even when you're not wielding murder weapons.
- Charlotte: Well, for the record, I wouldn't stab you, not here, with all these cops around.
- [Ella looks freaked out]
- Charlotte: Oh, come on, that was funny.
- Ella Lopez: Oh, yeah.
- [laughs tensely]
- Ella Lopez: Ha, ha. Funny. Also dark.
- Esther: You guys mind if I post that I'm totes helping a police investigation?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Absolutely. Do you mind tagging me?
- Chloe Decker: No photos at a crime scene. Sorry.
- Esther: Not even one last one with the handsome cop?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Don't let the boring detective spoil things. It would be my pleasure.
- [Ester walks past him to take a selfie with Dan]
- Lucifer Morningstar: ... Obviously, I'm far too well-dressed to be a cop.
- Chloe Decker: What if Esther found out about Benji and Kim? Got jealous, lost control...
- Lucifer Morningstar: This goddess, jealous of the plain Jane? It's-it's ludicrous! It's like me being jealous of that paper clip. Or Daniel.
- Lucifer Morningstar: In the end, the shoe turned out to be interesting, and the top hat, boring.
- Linda Martin: Right. So you're gonna embrace your boring side now?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I would, but I have no boring side.
- Benji: You're not paparazzi? Oh, thank God.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Ugh. Man, the things Dad gets credit for.
- Amenadiel: So that's who you were with... Chloe and Trixie. Well, so much for wine, women and song.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Technically, all of those things were represented, when you count the post-game karaoke.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Right, I'm clearly needed on the front lines. You just stay here and do what you do best.
- [enunciating]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Nada.
- Linda Martin: I'm so glad you're here. I'm trying to plan my ex-husband's memorial, and I could really use another opinion.
- [Holds up two urns]
- Linda Martin: Um, okay. So, which one do you like best? Just, knee-jerk reaction. Go.
- Amenadiel: [Points] That one?
- Linda Martin: [Skeptical] Really? Really? You don't think it's too ornate?
- Amenadiel: [Points to the other one] That one.
- Linda Martin: You're right. This one's simple, yet elegant. See, you're just the insight I needed.
- Chloe Decker: You're really tan. Are you, uh, are you a surfer?
- Blue Eyed #2: Well, I'd sure like to surf... in your eyes.
- Lucifer Morningstar: [Listening in van] Ugh, dearie me. He's lucky it's not a crime to be a cheeseball.
- Lucifer Morningstar: She flew to Florence last week just 'cause she fancied eating some gelato.
- Chloe Decker: She went on a plane to get ice cream?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, when you say it in English, it sounds silly.
- Linda Martin: How's that saying go? "We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars".
- Lucifer Morningstar: The stars are just gas bags, and I never would have fed Oscar that line had I known how much I'd have to hear people quote it back to me.
- Linda Martin: [Stunned] Oscar freakin' Wilde? Really?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Mm-hmm. Now, *he* was an interesting bachelor.
- Linda Martin: So... Oscar, huh? Tell me everything.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well... he was straight when I first met him.
- Benji: I told you, I'm innocent.
- Lucifer Morningstar: You're an overpaid DJ, so that's up for debate.
- Amenadiel: We need the most love when we're being most unlovable.
- Lucifer Morningstar: No offense, Brother, but I don't need love from you. I get plenty from naked strangers.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Now, this poor victim, *she* is boring.
- Chloe Decker: We don't know anything about her.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, don't we?
- [Looks around apartment]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Generic artwork, dull clothes, beige furniture. I mean, even her fruit bowl's so tragically safe... No mangoes, no papayas. Not even a measly avocado.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Mack... Or should I say... Hack?
- [Mack looks confused]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Waste of a pun.
- [to Chloe]
- Lucifer Morningstar: You're gonna have to spell it out for him, Detective.
- Lucifer Morningstar: What is it that you really desire?
- Esther: I... I... want to stop posing and lying!
- [Emotional]
- Esther: It takes so much effort to make these pics look so effortless. It's exhausting!
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, so you're saying it's just all a facade?
- Esther: I don't even know what that word means! I'm not worldly at all!
- Ella Lopez: [about victim] A fellow nerd. I'm sure you're in a better place now.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, even if she's in the worst place, it'd be far more interesting than this, because this poor lady, definitely a shoe.
- Amenadiel: Honestly, Luci, who cares how you spend your nights?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Um, *everyone*. My exciting lifestyle gives regular people something to aspire to. I provide hope.