Edward Norton: Self - Guest

Quotes 

• Self - Host : I heard this "crazy" story that you saved Leonardo DiCaprio's Life, now is this a true story? I think it is

  Self - Guest : it is a true story, I should preface it by saying Leo's a very old friend of mine and our friendship's totally "based" in our mutual passion for environmental advocacy and climate change

  Self - Guest : [after the crowd applauds]  he's a great actor: we've never worked together, we've never done anything together, we've been friends in and around that. We've taken trips together to amazing places, we've gone diving together and gone to see a lot of natural wonders together and in this case, we were on a diving trip in the Galápagos Islands and we were with other friends and we were with the oceanographer Sylvia Earle and Fisher Stevens who made this film "Before the Flood" with Leo recently

  Self - Guest : [before impersonating DiCaprio using his smartphone]  and Leo, I love him but his very addicted to devices and "things" like that and he's the human equivalent of call waiting. If you're talking to him, his totally checking because this club might be "blowing up" and his trying to figure out which club is "blowing up" and which Israeli supermodel turned eighteen

  Self - Host : [after the drummer perform a sting percussion to emphasize Norton's joke, while Fallon laughs]  his got that app? Good for him

  Self - Guest : and the thing is we're in the Galápagos and I'm like "That club is in New York, it doesn't matter, you can't go to it"

  Self - Host : so, his under the water?

  Self - Guest : so, his under the water and Sylvia Earle has this probably eighteen-thousand-dollar camera rig and Leo has this crappy little like aftermarket snapshot digital camera in some sort of housing

  Self - Host : yeah

  Self - Guest : [impersonating DiCaprio diving while filming]  but his obsessed, you know, his underwater like this on it all the time and we call him "Unlucky Leo" because he...

  Self - Host : [interrupts him, surprised]  really?

  Self - Guest : yeah, exactly, for a couple reasons, that's the "thing"

  Self - Host : that's the one "thing", I'd never call him

  Self - Guest : [after the crowd laughs]  but you have to understand Leo has had a parachute not open on him while skydiving on his birthday, his had a plane engine blow up on him

  Self - Guest : [while Fallon laughs]  and my wife and I make this joke...

  Self - Host : [interrupts him]  I've heard this

  Self - Guest : [impersonating his wife]  "Let's not do adventurous things with Leo because..."

  Self - Host : [interrupts him]  and you're in the water with him?

  Self - Guest : yeah, and after a while, I'm looking around for him and I realize his just not "there", his not "around" and I think to myself like "I know Leo, I know how he is with his devices, his probably got his face in that camera and his going way off following these things and we've almost at the end of the dive and I'm thinking I should go check on him." So, I start swimming out deep in the ocean and I'm coming along and way off in the murk, like I see a shark you know and I see "something" and I see it's Leo and his coming towards me

  Self - Guest : [impersonating DiCaprio's eye widened and a throat chopping gesture, implying it's dangerous in his direction]  I can see from like fifty yards away and his eyes are like this big and his like this

  Self - Host : [after Fallon and the crowd laughs]  that's not good either, I don't know what that means but it's not good

  Self - Guest : there's two things you should know: one is we're only about fifty feet deep and all he had to do was go up, like he could've gone up anytime

  Self - Host : I would think that too

  Self - Guest : and because I know this and I know his not thinking of it, I had the horrible "instinct" to let him get close to me and pull back

  Self - Host : [after Fallon laughs, impersonating Norton giving DiCaprio oxygen with his snorkeling diving mask]  and we're done with that

  Self - Host : [surprised]  you saved him

  Self - Guest : we did the buddy breathing "thing" and you know, we go up and his "falling" all over me, "Oh buddy, you saved my life, you saved me." I'm just like "Let's just get out of the water," let's not do this here

  Self - Host : [impersonating DiCaprio, referring to the extra life feature from the video game Super Mario Bros]  let's go celebrate, let's go "1-up", right now

  Self - Guest : it just didn't "seem" dramatic to me as it did to him but...

  Self - Host : [interrupts him, before the crowd applauses]  you did: you saved his life, that's good, you're a good buddy