Doc Severinsen: Self - Substitute Announcer

Quotes 

• Doc Severinsen : I wanted a oyster stuffing in the turkey, and she wanted bread stuffing, and she got bread stuffing and a *lot* of money.

  Johnny Carson : [laughs]  You mean you used to argue about what you're gonna stuff the turkey with?

  Doc Severinsen : Yes!

  Johnny Carson : And that was one of the problems?

  Doc Severinsen : And she's still stuffin' the turkey, but now it's with money!

  Johnny Carson : Well, it's nice to know you have no bitterness.

• Johnny Carson : They're not very nice birds to begin with; turkeys are not your...

  Doc Severinsen : They're terrible-looking things.

  Johnny Carson : They're terrible-looking, they're noisy as hell, and they're - they're mean birds.

  Doc Severinsen : They are.

  Johnny Carson : But kids would get them, you know. Now, you gotta go out there, and kill them? I couldn't do that.

  Doc Severinsen : They deserve it.

  Johnny Carson : What?

  Doc Severinsen : They deserve it! Anything that ugly should die.

  [Johnny laughs uproariously] 

  Doc Severinsen : You know it... As you can see, I'm not too crazy about Thanksgiving.

• Doc Severinsen : I suppose you'll be home with the family, having turkey... Just a typical American family.

  Johnny Carson : That's right... And you'll be out there, writing the checks... Sending for the stuffing, huh?

  Doc Severinsen : You will have written yours the day before.

  Johnny Carson : That's right; mine's - mine's already in the mails.

  Doc Severinsen : [noting that Ed is in New York for the parade]  And Ed went to deliver his personally... He flew it back.

  Johnny Carson : Yeah... Bu- but what does he know? Ha ha ha! Tie askew, and nose aglow. OK...

  [Johnny buries his face in the desk, laughing] 

  Johnny Carson : I don't know about you; we're having an awful lot of fun up here, folks!

• Johnny Carson : I feel so terrible that you're gonna be alone; would you - would you like...

  Doc Severinsen : I didn't say I was gonna be *alone*.

  Johnny Carson : You just say you ain't gonna eat no turkey, right?

  Doc Severinsen : That's right.

  Johnny Carson : Would you like to come to the house and, uh...

  Doc Severinsen : This is the first time you've ever asked me.

  Johnny Carson : Well... well, now you made me feel so guilty...

  Doc Severinsen : I mean... I mean here, when you ask an employee, in front of fifteen million people, "Do you want to come to the house for Thanksgiving?", what am I gonna say? "Noooo."... You know what I say? I say, "Yes, Mr. Carson - I'd love to."

  Johnny Carson : Can you come?

  Doc Severinsen : No.