The Family I Had (2017) Poster

User Reviews

Review this title
25 Reviews
Sort by:
Filter by Rating:
6/10
tragic
woman-654-11782310 March 2019
This should be called A Case Study of Denial and Bad Decisions. From the beginning, this family was slated for disaster. It demonstrates the tragic results of ignoring glaring warning signs and blaming others. After all they have been through, they end the documentary placing the blame fully on everyone but themselves. If anything good comes from it, I hope that others can learn what they did not from their own mistakes. It was very frustrating to watch bad decision follow bad decision, but certainly provides insight into how this happened and many ways it could have been avoided from the beginning.
36 out of 41 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
6/10
Way too much left out to be "good"
xwzqqttt13 June 2023
Warning: Spoilers
When I watch a documentary I expect it to explore the details and facts into whatever I am watching. The trailer alone had me intrigued, and while watching I was thoroughly engrossed for the simple fact that this young man committed this heinous crime. However, the entire doc I kept thinking it seemed "half-assed" I felt they were leaving stuff out, I just couldn't figure out why/how, since it was a documentary with first hand accounts from the family.

So like a lot of people did I did a quick Google search about the crime when I was done watching. And what I found was horrifying. Not only did he ALSO sexually assault his 4 year old sister, but he also admitted that he was not hallucinating and that it was methodically planned out. To leave information out of the documentary (that completely changes the narrative), especially when the information was easily at my fingertips just screamed LAZY or simply incomplete. I don't know. I was just disappointed to find out that half the story wasn't even included. I was horrified watching it, I was doubly horrified after doing my own research.
11 out of 11 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
7/10
Intriguing
melissanelson21 October 2019
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is interesting and keeps you watching because you can't make stuff like this up! Mom makes poor choices all along but never sees her choices as having an impact on her children's lives. Three children with three different dads- and none of which want to be involved, nor does she want any male involvement, doesn't help children- on many levels. The grandma almost seems proud of the fact that she manipulated people and the jury! The mom has a boy, Phoenix, after Ella dies, for which she pierced his ears as a little toddler and has him wear a pony tail or pig tails?! It's as if she wants Phoenix to replace Ella and be a girl. The mom chooses to buck the norms of society in raising her children, and then seems surprised by the outcome of her life. The story makes you feel sorry for Paris having been raised in such dysfunction. The last scene where mom gets on a golf cart with grandma and Phoenix carrying the ashes of Ella just solidified how odd the family is and it's no surprise that this is their life.
28 out of 34 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
7/10
The Family I Had
a_baron1 November 2019
When he was thirteen, Paris Bennett murdered his four year old sister. Ella was stabbed no fewer than seventeen times. The kid who did this is said to have an IQ of over 140. Why did he do it? As an act of revenge on his mother. Revenge for what? Go figure. One might expect his mother to disown him, but a mother's love is unconditional, at least in this case. Paris Bennett's mother has led what might be called an unusual life, partly by fate, partly by design. Married twice very briefly both times, her own mother is quite wealthy; the source of that wealth was one of her husbands, Charity's father, who was gunned down in mysterious circumstances. Charity's mother was not only said to have hired the hit-man but was actually tried for murder, and acquitted. In this documentary she makes what can only be taken as a confession, although if pushed she would undoubtedly claim it was a joke.

The documentary makers speak at length with Charity and her mother who are free to tell their respective stories without questions; there is lots of archive footage of the delightful young girl who was denied the chance to grow up, and face-to-face encounters with the monster who killed her.

If you take away anything from this, it should be that some people are just evil. True, a 13 year old is not to be judged by the same standards as a 23 year old, but ultimately, words like psychopath and sociopath are precisely that, words, descriptions of behaviour, not diagnoses of some elusive chimera known generically as mental illness.
23 out of 29 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
7/10
A different take
juliahairchick13 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Can't escape DNA. Paris's grandma killed grandpa. Paris's dad was schizophrenic. His mom had battles with drugs. I see some reviews blaming this mom. I give her props for her never giving up on doing her best for her children. Paris's grandma poisoned him against his mom, her daughter in my opinion. Paris's young aunt was frightened of him. His entire family knew he had issues and the therapist said he was homicidal. It's unfathomable for parents to believe their child has a murderous heart. Any mistakes his mother made, she has done all she can for her son. They did a good job in this documentary of everyone's worst nightmare.
14 out of 18 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
6/10
Interesting
passionfashion-8621817 September 2020
It was very interesting but I think it should've been longer I wanted to know why Paris did what he did to Ella what provoked him at such a young age to do such a thing, what provoked him in general because I couldn't imagine doing such a thing.
6 out of 7 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
10/10
Spoiler - information shared after this documentary
gabriellekatz22 May 2020
Warning: Spoilers
The mother admitted in a book published recently (and after this documentary) that the son, Paris, violently sexually assaulted the little girl before killing her to cover up the crime. There are also disturbing revelations about the act - but it was extremely violent and sexual in nature - which wasn't revealed in this documentary. Paris had watched hours of violent pornography & snuff films before attacking his sister, and there is physical evidence that he did sexually attack her while stabbing her "slowly & methodically"... It also turns out that after the murder, Paris first called a friend and spoke to them for 6minutes BEFORE calling 911. These are things Paris has apparently admitted to. Lastly, Paris says that he chose not to kill his mother because her pain would be over faster, and that leaving her without Ella would prolong her suffering. He also apparently attacked Charity during a visit after this - slamming her into a concrete wall and choking her, releasing her only to get a better grip & smash a table into her, choking her again. She says that Paris is "a monster"... Chilling.
41 out of 43 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
7/10
Could have been so much more
nickareid25 January 2021
I try not to give spoilers so others can get an idea by reading the review. Placing spoilers within a review seems pointless to review it as people like myself look at reviews for the content and overall opinion how a film comes across.

In this documentary I did enjoy it to an extent. I feel so much more could have been put into this. A lot of it is basically the same things being talked about. There are soooo many questions, theories, even people, neighbors, friends, family, etc...left out. Law enforcement left out. Many questions regarding this horrible tragedy need to be answered and if NETFLIX would have done it, O believe it would have shown so much more detail AND been an entire 10 episode docuseries. Real shame as the subject matter is well worth digging further into
7 out of 11 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
9/10
A Very Well-Made Documantary
I see that some of the reviews rate this film a bit low, but they are only making judgements on the people being profiled. They are not reviewing film. The documentary is very-well put together. There is not a wasted shot, no repetition, and no filler material. The bridging animation is relevant and apt - utilizing the artwork of the main subject. The story is compelling, tragic, and so coldly horrifying that it would not be accepted as a work of fiction. It's just too awful.
22 out of 25 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
7/10
Paints the mother as a victim
OneAnjel30 January 2024
Warning: Spoilers
There's a lot of information left out here in regard to the crime itself. Unfortunately, searching online doesn't give much except for individuals, who really don't tell us where they got their information, claiming that there was sexual abuse in conjunction with the stabbing. Either way, this particular film only once mentions that Paris' biological father seemed to have Psychopathic tendencies, and it pretty much shows his grandmother admitting to killing her husband. So, there's obviously mental illness on both sides of the family. But based on what I've gleaned from the internet, there's a lot lacking here. So the only conclusion is that it was somehow meant to make Charity seem like some kind of a victim.

As anyone who studied psychopaths will tell you, Paris is probably not being honest. He's blaming anger towards his mother so when time comes to be paroled there will be no question that he had this one time problem. I personally think if he ever gets out he's going to become one of the most prolific serial killers that we'll ever know. He was honest in the very beginning: he told the police he was going to kill someone; he knew he needed to experience that and he was just trying to figure out who it would be. At some point, he decided it would be his little sister. That's typical of psychopaths, they experience unrelenting urges that turn to obsession.

Prior to his sisters murder, he attempted to kill his mother. There's also some suggesting that he was allowed to, or otherwise did, watch snuff & fetish films. Many will say watching such violence can create violence and obsessions in people doing the viewing. But most psychiatrists of any real stature will tell you that normal people aren't drawn to that kind of film. They don't become changed because of the film, they just become normalized in their own psyche by seeing other people enjoying the same thing.

I wasn't able to find the actual court documents and what the actual charges were. Apparently that's not public at this time.

As someone who has a degree in law and psychology, it always frustrates me that the majority of people will ask "why" - why did that person commit that act even when it's clearly an act that would only be performed by someone who is not in their right mind. Murdering and sexually abusing your own little sister is not done by a normal human being. This young man was never normal. There is no reason because the very word implies that it was performed by someone with a reasonable awareness of themselves and the other people and ability to understand their actions.

They were so many red flags that Charity ignored.

Most serial killers are highly intelligent (but not all highly intelligent people are killers). Paris is clearly very intelligent - he uses words so precisely - and his dysfunctional childhood may have ignited the dark seeds in him, to some extent. But with such a high IQ, it would have felt extremely suffocating to have to interact with normal people, puting on a facade just to fit in and be given the attention he craved from family and school mates. Just figuring out your child belongs with others like himself and getting them in to a proper school doesn't always prevent them from turning psychotic but it can really help them not feel so isolated and misundrstood - which most serial killers do share.

It's very telling that his mother continued to be in his life - it tells us she is so codependant that she hinged her own sense of responsibility and worth on whether she could control Paris even after this unforgivable act.

Many people have begged for help during their childhood, just as Paris did, long before their first crime, including Ted Kaczynski. There's no magic ball to tell us our child is a killer, but even in this short film most people saw the alarms going off.

I would have liked this film to talk about Paris more instead of objectively from his mother's perspective. I bet there were a lot more signs and symptoms. And why didn't we hear anything else about the baby sitter? I would have liked to hear from her, and more from his young aunt. Interviewing Paris over and over is just going to get more bs. He can never be completely honest, not while he's serving his sentence.
3 out of 4 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
10/10
A brilliant and thought provoking documentary
nielsenjeannette30 January 2018
This is a haunting and thought-provoking documentary that provides insight into an impossible situation a family is placed in after a tragic murder of one underage sibling by another. The documentary, in my opinion, is all the more interesting because it does not fall into the trap of trying to provide concocted closure where there can be none. I highly recommend it. Thank you to the family for sharing such awful and difficult thoughts.
20 out of 24 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
6/10
@sleepyratingscale- sitting in bed
thebimp24 March 2023
It centers around a horrific event and the aftermath of it. If you were a parent would you still love your child despite knowing what they are capable of. The documentary brings to question the whole nature versus nurture question. What causes someone to be evil? Are they born that way or is it because of the circumstances they are born into? The documentary leaves a lot unanswered and I wish they would have delved more into the why. So we only got surface level explanations as to why things went left for this young man. I give the mom props to be able to allow us into her live and listen to the scrutiny I'm sure she received .
3 out of 5 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
1/10
What about poor little Ella? She deserves more.
georgejaygeorge9 December 2022
Who cares about Paris and Charity... let them rot in hell. I care about poor little Ella, she died a horrible, needless death. That poor innocent 4 year old girl was not protected. How could Charity let her new little son build a relationship with Paris the monster? Its a disgrace. Charity is a disgrace, Paris should face the death penalty.... to protect everyone he comes into contact with when he gets out and many other reasons besides.

It feels like the memory of Ella has been easily forgotten, while all the players who contributed to her death continue their completely self absorbed lives. None of them really seem to take any responsibility for their contribution to what happened .... business as usual as far as they are concerned.
13 out of 17 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
6/10
Tragic and frustrating
shizustopit3 July 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I liked this documentary. But i feel like the mom and grandmother were either overly forgiving or they chose not to help Paris with his mental issues. When she said that Paris made the whole story about his delusions it made me mad at the mom. She knew her son had intentions to hurt or possibly kill someone but she chose not to help her son. I'm not at all defending Paris's actions, i don't think that just because you have mental issues then thats a pass. No i think Paris is disgusting but i think that the mom should be some-what accountable to the murder. Same with the grandmother, she was way to forgiving towards her son towards the end.

Rest In Paradise.
1 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
10/10
Thoroughly Engrossing
campoli-s17 September 2018
Head to the TV, no blinking recommended. Just when I thought I've heard it all. I mean I've watched numerous docu drama TV's series such as FBI files, Forensic Files etc. in my past and the family dynamics & circumstances under which the horrific act occurred still astounded me.
17 out of 20 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
9/10
Terrible Mother
heaze7 November 2019
Great story, but please do further research like I did. Charity relapsed a lot more than she states in the documentary. On top of that she blames all these guys and her mother for her issues, but she goes out an looks for men like that. She minimizes everything, and sets up foundations and plays a role like an actress , so as to hide who she really is. Hopefully I never meet anyone like her in my life, because she's the definition of toxic. Feel bad for the children they never had a chance at a good life.
35 out of 49 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
10/10
Well made documentary showing an example of a narcissistic mother
mangisleah15 September 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Narcissistic mothers are unable to divide their love when they have more than one child, just like the mother depicted in this film. She also goes on to blame everyone but herself. Yes her son did wrong and obviously has antisocial personality disorder(APD). Less than 1% of people with APD are born this way, all the others it's the environment that created them this way.

17 stab wounds is pure RAGE. The family must be just completely oblivious or addicted to drugs and alcohol to not notice the pictures. For being told just one year earlier that he had homicidal urges and she took him out of treatment placement why is she NOT being charged with neglect??
3 out of 3 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
4/10
Yank that soapbox
phelix-josie17 March 2020
Warning: Spoilers
This was way too much of a platform for the mom, Charity... a badly conceived moniker if there ever was one. She was really shocked by what her son Paris did? It's inexplicable? SERIOUSLY?!

First, she grooms Paris as her little man, the little boy who "saved her life." Then Ella is born, and she takes his place as the most favored child. That would be a stark difference after so long, and it's doubtful that Charity spent much time reinforcing her continuing love of Paris. Instead she just lumped her first child with judgment, neglect and co-parenting responsibilities.

Paris' absentee dad had paranoid schizophrenic symptoms. His mom Charity was off doing coke when he was 12 and Ella was 3, leaving Paris to care for Ella. He ended up in a psych ward around that time. The facility insisted he should remain there, but his mom wouldn't have it. Five or six months later, he killed Ella.

The mom says she has never wanted the dads to be part of her children's lives because she doesn't like to share or compromise. She has cut her son off from his grandma for sending Paris admittedly objectionable reading materials. However the grandma seems to be the one who actually still sees her grandson Paris as a person and is somewhat self-aware. His mom has successfully cut him off from the one adult who cares about him.

The mom is in DEEP denial about her behavior and the toll it takes on those around her. As the documentary progresses, you see more and more that she thinks she is "woke," that she's accountable for her actions, that everyone around her is wrong, that she's the expert... on everything. She's extremely arrogant, defensive, self-focused and manipulative. It seems clear that, given a choice between her children and her, she'll decide in her own favor without a moment's true regret.

She sees herself as a victim and her son as The Perpetrator. She martyrs herself by "allowing contact" between Paris and new child Phoenix... saying "I love you" to Paris... sounding like she's strangling. She says she "forgives" Paris, but rips all his letters in two. That's creepily juvenile and psychotic. She seems much sorrier for herself than for her children.

Even the grandma seems more reflective and prone to try to understand Paris. She does seem inappropriate in terms of material she sends, but she seems to care about her grandson, to see him and hear him, and understand. She doesn't see herself as above him.

The mom fits squarely in clinical description of a narcissist. She is in total denial about her culpability for her child's actions and continued suffering. She's all about herself, doesn't want to share or compromise, says she has no regrets, seems to take satisfaction when relaying stories or conversations that demonize her eldest son and no feeling around him except defensiveness.

Lies just seep out of her mouth. She talks about integrity, how she has forgiven Paris, how she doesn't want to be a hypocrite. But it's clear she's lying and manipulating him ... and trying to manipulate everyone around her. It's absolutely disgusting.

Charity seems like a total narcissist with a rotation of fatherless golden children. She knows everything. None of the wrongs she has done really matter. "Look at me. Feel bad for me. See how strong and honest I am. Look at my life, the living gravestone of my dead golden child. Observe all I've done and marvel."

And she makes no sense. At 1:15:15 she tries to reinforce the demonization of her son ... retroactively. "I say to people, 'If you don't believe my son is a sociopath, you just wait til he gets out of prison. He has to become a sociopath to survive.'" So... the result of her awful parenting proves her right, indemnifying her? Yeah, no...

At the start of the doc, I liked Charity. But I came to loathe her and her repetitive self-aggrandizement so much I turned it off near the end. I wish I'd done that sooner.
21 out of 37 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
10/10
Excellent but tragically sad
mrbrightside19805 April 2020
This documentary is very well done and if you like true crime shows/documentaries you'll love this one. I hate to see other reviews judging then mother and calling her names. She made some bad choices like we all do but she never meant any harm. She did the very best she could and loved her kids very much. She did the very best she could and with being a single mom. Noone knows what people go through and why they make the decisions they make including doing drugs. Good people makes bad choices and shouldn't be defined by those especially if your heart is in the right place. The grandmother on the other hand is a piece of work so that right there shows you how strong Charity is with a mother like that. I hope nothing but the best for Charity and know she will continue to be a strong loving mom.
8 out of 15 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
9/10
Wow!
reneereives11 March 2019
Probably one of the craziest documentaries I've ever watched. I feel bad for Charity, because it seems like she's caught in a twisted web of dysfunction. Hopefully there's some healing for her, but Jiminy Christmas, her oldest kid. The signs are there.
10 out of 20 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
8/10
Hate to say this but .....
darylnisi26 July 2022
Warning: Spoilers
He is a product of his environment

Mother is total white trash and all the men she dates are also white trash

She was a junkie and the killers (Paris) dad was a fruit loop

Also killers (Paris) grandma was a murder enough said !!!!

Can someone say the bird doesn't fly far from the nest

Isn't this how micheal myers started out.
6 out of 11 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
5/10
She's a horrible mother.
bordcutee25 August 2021
Warning: Spoilers
That mother is absolute trash. She refuses to hold herself accountable, downplays how abusive and neglectful she was to her kids, and sees herself as the victim of her own kids instead of the other way around. With a mother like that, poor Paris and little Ella never stood a chance. If Paris gis released, I hope he runs far away from that toxic mess.
8 out of 14 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
9/10
Sad but very real
samanthaschnurr10 December 2019
Warning: Spoilers
This is a true story with a lot of sad parts. It's Very raw, real and relatable to anyone that doesn't live in a bubble. I can fully understand this mother's point of view in each aspect of the story. I really feel for her and her family.
4 out of 9 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
8/10
Horrible mother
tinerbell3 May 2020
Wow. Just wow. She should be named Misery not Charity. Shame on her for being so irresponsible and blaming others for her problems. I feel so sorry for Paris. She talks about how much she loves her children but her talk is white trash cheap. She should not be a parent. These documentaries should have charges brought against these parents at the end. Shame on her.
5 out of 19 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
3/10
Not at all emotional
laragi31 January 2022
While the story itself may be of interest, the documentary itself skips over all substance and emotion. The viewer doesn't even get all the facts. If you search online, the crime is more gruesome than what is depicted. There is just no real depth in this depiction.
7 out of 12 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

See also

Awards | FAQ | User Ratings | External Reviews | Metacritic Reviews


Recently Viewed