- Paula Proctor: It's what my father always told me, that if I ever tried to make something of myself, that no man would want me and so, I mean, just like the minute that I try to pursue my dreams, my husband "accidentally" falls into another woman's vagina!
- Mrs. Hernandez: Would you just shut up? You're just such a selfish, whiny, entitled brat - just stop!
- Rebecca Bunch: You *talk*?
- Mrs. Hernandez: What? I talk all the time. You're too busy staring at the narcissist pond of your bewitching self to even notice.
- Rebecca Bunch: Wow, you're mean... and poetic.
- Paula Proctor: Scott is...
- Rebecca Bunch: Gay! I knew it. I knew it, I always knew it. I didn't say anything, that's on me.
- Paula Proctor: He had sex with Tanya from work!
- Rebecca Bunch: Why would he have sex with Tanya if he's gay?
- Scott Proctor: I had sex with Tanya.
- Paula Proctor: Ha! Yeah, I had sex with Nancy... Kerrigan. Oh, you're serious.
- Scott Proctor: It was an accident, I swear!