Upstart Crow (TV Series)

Star Crossed Lovers (2016)

David Mitchell: Will

Quotes 

• Will : Right Kate, you swig the potion, Florian finds you, thinks you dead and breaks off the engagement. I can't see how it can possibly go wrong.

• Will : This is England. One wouldst more likely see a toothless crone with a tooth than an English rut-filler actually filling a rut! Fortunately.

• Will : These Oxbridge yobbos are extraordinarily strong, having spent their entire lives with literarily enough to eat.

• Florian : If Kate be dead, then Florian need not live. Perchance some trace of poison does linger on her lips. A kiss and I will share her fate...

  Will : Blimey. He's taking it a bit harder than I expected.

  Florian : And yet no friendly drop remains. Perchance she did brush her teeth and then gargle after drinking it. Thus with a dagger I die!

• Will : Brilliant, I always say there's nothing more fascinating than actors talking about themselves.

• Will : Exactly, I thought it might be fun to hear my Juliet had spoken her true voice before a middle-aged man with two half coconuts down his bodice gets over it.

• Anne : Don't do comedy, it's not your strong point.

  Will : It is my strong point wife, it just requires lengthy explanation and copious footnotes. If you do your research my stuff is actually really funny.

• Will : I've sent word to the theatre that the two tunnels which lie beneath the bridge be blocked.

  Anne : Pardon?

  Will : The two tunnels which lie beneath the bridge be blocked. Two tunnels? Beneath a bridge? Anyone? Nose, my loves. Nose! I've told Burbage that my nose be snotted and I would not work this week or next.

  Anne : Why didn't you just say "nose"?

  Will : It's what I do!

• Will : I just need a simple potion that will render a person seemingly dead but from which they will fully recover at the appropriate moment.

  Apothecary : Well, we have Play Dead. Or else you could buy my own brand of the mixture, which is exactly the same but half the price.

  Will : Hm, I I think I'll stick to the popular brand, thank you. I'm happy to pay a little more for the nebulous sense of comfort that a public brand imbues.

• Kate : Kate: Oh, my God, Mr Shakespeare, it's brilliant. Timeless. Deathless! "The Most Tragical History Of Romeo And Julian.''

  Will : WS: Oh, yes That should be Juliet, obviously. Romeo And Julian was but a working title.Early exploratory stuff.It meanteth nothing...

  Bottom : Yeah, right!

  Will : What?

  Bottom : Well, come on, master.We live in t'same house.I've heard you reading out your sonnets.Especially 1 to 226.

  Will : Those poems are about a platonic hierarchical relationship.God's naughty etchings! Why does everybody presume that just because I write 126 love poems to an attractive boy, I must be. I must be some kind of bechambered hugger-tugger.

• Will : Kate, don't go there, lady acting is illegal but beside, girls can't act just as they cannot practice law, cure the sick, handle financial matters, will stand for any office.

  Kate : No woman has ever been allowed to try any of those things.

  Will : Because they can't do them!

• Will : But Kate, you know very well that it is illegal for girls to do anything interesting.

• Greene : Master Shakey Poet, a word if you please?

  Will : Shakespeare, Master Greene, my name is Shakespeare.

  Greene : Yeah I know your name sirrur, I was addressing you by trade, shakey poet, just as I would address a house builder as Master Builder or a ship's carpenter Master Carpenter.

  Bottom : And what would you call a bear bater, Master Greene?

  Greene : Master Bater.

  Bottom : [aside to Shakespeare]  See what I did there?

  Will : [to Bottom]  Brilliant. Loved it.