iZombie (TV Series)

Physician, Heal Thy Selfie (2016)

Rahul Kohli: Ravi Chakrabarti

Photos 

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Quotes 

• [Clive hopes for Liv's help with the three headless victims] 

  Clive Babineaux : Hoping you can work your magic, Liv, help ID these guys.

  Olivia Moore : Uh...

  Ravi Chakrabarti : Looks like a no-brainer to me, Liv.

• [Peyton and Ravi share a drink together when she tells him about her college days] 

  Peyton Charles : When I was in college, I had this professor, and when he'd hand out the Friday quiz, he'd say, 'Duck soup for you, Sweetheart.' I think he thought it was easier for me than everyone else. But I was probably working twice as hard.

  Ravi Chakrabarti : Yeah, before you moved in, I just thought you were a fembot that plugged into a charging station at night.

• [Ravi gets too tipsy to stay up with Peyton at night] 

  Peyton Charles : No, no. Don't go.

  Ravi Chakrabarti : I must. I know how this turns out. It's like the shots contest in Raiders of the Lost Ark. You're Karen Allen, and I'm the fat Nepalese guy that ends up under the table.

• [Ravi walks with Liv to a crime scene while hungover from his night with Peyton] 

  Ravi Chakrabarti : The violent soundscape of nature is making my ears bleed. Birds chirping, leaves rustling, gnats laying eggs.

  Olivia Moore : Never start a land war in Asia. Don't go toe-to-toe with Peyton Charles when drinking is involved.

• [Ravi tries to beg for Peyton to stay with him and Major] 

  Ravi Chakrabarti : Stay here. You know, you'll have two men living with you, one's practically a Greek God, who's turned his body into a finely-tuned weapon, and, of course, Major. And either of us would do anything for you.

  Peyton Charles : My new place has a 24-hour doorman and a hot tub.

  Ravi Chakrabarti : The Major will serve as our doorman. All right? He's great with doors. The opening. The closing. And I will make sure your tub time's hot as hell.

• [Peyton arrives at Ravi's house for a sleepover] 

  Ravi Chakrabarti : [when Peyton apologizes]  Don't be sorry, we love having you here. Although, you do have a habit of picking the marshmallows out of my cereal, leaving me with a less-than-ideal ratio of marshmallow to crunchy bits, but, you know, I'll let that slide...

  Ravi Chakrabarti : [when Ravi sees that Peyton's been crying]  Oh, no, Peyton. What is it?

  Peyton Charles : I screwed up at work.

  Ravi Chakrabarti : Can I do anything? I mean, because if you want me to pick every last marshmallow bear out of that box for you... I'll do it.

• [Ravi gives Liv the brain of an innocent victim who died] 

  Ravi Chakrabarti : [Ravi talks like a game show host]  Olivia Moore! Let's see what's inside drawer number one. Today we're sending you home with Madison Brenneck.

  Ravi Chakrabarti : [Ravi opens one of the morgue doors]  25 years old. The victim of an ill-fated rendezvous with a Seattle cross-town. Bus driver said she never even looked up from her phone. She's only in our morgue because she was killed on city property. So, Madison comes complete with wonderfully unremarkable, non-murdery visions.

  Olivia Moore : All the great taste, none of the foul play.

• [Ravi tells social-media-brain Liv to be careful on social media] 

  Ravi Chakrabarti : You need to be careful not to overshare on social media. Anything zombie-related is TMI.

  Olivia Moore : Don't worry. I'm on my chill hustle hundo-p.

  Ravi Chakrabarti : My annoying millennial speak knowledge ended with TMI, so I have no idea what you just said.

• [Liv sees Ravi hungover again from drinking late with Peyton] 

  Olivia Moore : Is your breakfast not using its indoor voice?

  Ravi Chakrabarti : [Ravi stares into his Rice Krispies cereal bowl]  Snap, crackle, pop. So loud.

  Olivia Moore : Drinking on a school night again with Peyton. You're a disgrace to your country's proud history of functional lushes.

• [Peyton and Ravi drink one last night together and talk about zombies] 

  Peyton Charles : Look, I know one thing. If I ever was turned into a zombie, my first order of business would be to scratch you. I'd be like, 'Oh, man! I'm a zombie.' Scratch!

  Ravi Chakrabarti : Seems a little self-serving, but okay.

  Peyton Charles : No way am I doing this whole zombie thing without you.

• [Ravi wakes up hungover one last time from drinking late with Peyton] 

  Olivia Moore : [Liv over the phone]  Like I told you, when you're playing drinking games with Peyton, all you'll walk away with is a 'thanks for participating' ribbon.

  Ravi Chakrabarti : A tiny man with a jackhammer has taken up residence in my skull.

• [Peyton and Ravi hug each other goodbye] 

  Peyton Charles : You're the best.

  Ravi Chakrabarti : You know, for the record, I'd be very sad to see you go. My liver, on the other hand, is like, 'Good riddance.'

• [Ravi and Liv walk to a crime scene in the early morning while Ravi is hung over] 

  Ravi Chakrabarti : Why are we sprinting?

  Olivia Moore : Because I'm hungry. I haven't eaten anything lately.

  Ravi Chakrabarti : I was afraid that horny-librarian-brain would lead to poor life choices.

• [Peyton and Ravi drink together as Ravi compliments her] 

  Ravi Chakrabarti : I don't know what happened at work, but I promise, the only opinion you need to worry about is your own.

  Peyton Charles : It's a pretty low opinion right now.

  Ravi Chakrabarti : Well, it shouldn't be. You are formidable. I mean, you're clever and disciplined.

  Peyton Charles : Hardly.

  Ravi Chakrabarti : Those are just the top tier qualities. All right? You're also clearly blessed with a hollow leg.

• [Ravi catches Liv posting a picture of Madison Brenneck's brain on Instagram] 

  Ravi Chakrabarti : [Ravi clears his throat]  Did you post a picture of what I assume is Madison Brenneck wrapped in sushi rice on your Instagram account? Hashtag 'brain food'?

  Olivia Moore : 'Course I grammed it, that fish was on fleek. Oh, my God. Why did I post that?

  Ravi Chakrabarti : Why does anyone post pictures of food? I think it's okay. It just looks like raw tuna.

• [Ravi tells social-media-brain Liv that he did some research on Madison Brenneck] 

  Ravi Chakrabarti : It turns out our Madison was quite the millennial social media maven. Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr. She had over 600 Yelp reviews. The day she died, she tweeted 27 times.

  Ravi Chakrabarti : [when Ravi notices Liv not paying attention by tweeting]  Liv. Liv.

  Olivia Moore : 'Devoured tuna roll.' Hashtag 'Sushi obsessed.' Hashtag 'Covering my ass.'

• [Ravi receives a text from social-media-brain Liv] 

  Ravi Chakrabarti : 'The struggle is real. Props for the good looks. Boom.'

• [Ravi watches a video of social-media-brain Liv unpack a MorgueTech box] 

  Ravi Chakrabarti : A hundred and fifty-three people watched you unpack a box. How? Why? Please tell me you're not watching your own vlog.

• [Ravi asks Liv why she's on the Seattle PD database] 

  Ravi Chakrabarti : What are you doing on the Seattle PD database?

  Olivia Moore : Looking for background info on Drake. I feel like he might be hiding something. What kind of person doesn't use Twitter or Facebook?

  Ravi Chakrabarti : Only a lunatic. How else would he disseminate inspirational quotes and latte art?

• [Liv asks what to do when Drake calls her] 

  Olivia Moore : [Drake calls]  It's him. What do I do?

  Ravi Chakrabarti : Well, he's a zombie with anger issues and a prison record. As far as millennial break up options go, ghosting him gets my vote.

• [Ravi sees social-media-brain Liv write a mean food review] 

  Ravi Chakrabarti : 'Real talk? Your sandwich artist was chugging some serious haterade today. No eye contact? Am I a leper? Also, where's the main-from-scratch sriracha? The artisanal pickles?' One star. A bit harsh for Bernie's Sub Shack, don't you think? We eat there once a week.

  Olivia Moore : [Liv keeps typing]  Hashtag 'Sorry, not sorry.'

• [Peyton asks Ravi if he won't mind if she stays with him a while longer] 

  Peyton Charles : You don't mind me staying in your hair a little longer?

  Ravi Chakrabarti : I do mind. Yeah, you know... But Nietzsche taught us that to live is to suffer.