- [Anatol informs Fearless Leader that Pottsylvania is broke]
- Fearless Leader: Broke! But last Tuesday the treasurer said we had 80 million pazoolas.
- Anatol: Ah, but last Tuesday we also had a treasurer!
- Fearless Leader: You mean...?
- Anatol: Yes, Fearless Leader. He took the 80 million and skipped the country.
- Fearless Leader: Oh, that makes me so mad! I'm furious!
- Anatol: About the treasurer stealing the treasury?
- Fearless Leader: No! About I didn't think of it first!
- Fearless Leader: Badenov, you know why I've called you in on this job?
- Boris Badenov: Because I'm trustworthy, loyal, brave, and efficient?
- Fearless Leader: No, because you work cheap.
- Boris Badenov: That too!
- Narrator: And here on the soggy shores of Moosylvania, we find our heroes Rocky the Flying Squirrel and Bullwinkle Moose!
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Boy, what a terrible place.
- Narrator: Only too true! Moosylvania *is* the wettest, soggiest, dreariest place on Earth.
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: [to the Narrator] You forgot "useless"!
- Narrator: Useless, too! Situated directly between the United States and Canada, Moosylvania has the distinction of being constantly fought over by both countries: the U.S. insists it's part of Canada, and Canada insists it's part of the U.S.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: [to Bullwinkle] But why do we come here on our vacation?
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: 'Cause after two weeks in Moosylvania, anyplace else in the *world* seems like heaven!
- Fearless Leader: Tell me, dear old box, where can we find the money?
- Narrator: The machine word and clicked and suddenly deposited a small slip of paper in Fearless Leader's hand.
- Fearless Leader: [reads paper] The United States? But how do we get it?
- [the Advice-a-Vac deposited another slip of paper and Fearless Leader reads it]
- Fearless Leader: Moosylvania. Of course! Oh, Advice-a-Vac, what would I do without you?
- [the Advice-a-Vac produced another slip of paper and Fearless Leader reads it]
- Fearless Leader: Drop dead?
- Narrator: Well, how does Fearless Leader plan to use Moosylvania to get money from the United States? And how does Boris fit into all this? And what will Advice-a-Vac say next?
- [Advice-a-Vac produces a slip of paper]
- Narrator: [reads] Oh. "Stop asking questions, loudmouth. The episode's over!" Uh, gee, so... so it is. Uh.
- Boris Badenov: [to Rocky and Bullwinkle] Hello, suckers!
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: What was that?
- [Boris and Natasha, in disguise, arrive on a boat]
- Boris Badenov: I said, "Hello, strangers!"
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: It sounded different the first time.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Who are you, mister?
- Boris Badenov: Just the head of the biggest advertising agency in all Northern Canada, is whom.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: What advertising agency is that?
- Boris Badenov: [pulls out card] Dancer, Prancer, Blitzen, and Fink.
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Yeah. I've heard of those first three fellers, but who's Fink?
- Boris Badenov: I'm Fink.
- Natasha Fatale: You can say that again, dahlink.
- Boris Badenov: Moosylvania? That's a pesthole, Fearless Leader. Send me to Devil's Island. Send me to Siberia. Send me to Wilkes-Barre, but not Moosylvania.
- Fearless Leader: Now, now, Badenov. Don't lose your head.
- Boris Badenov: I'm not losing my head.
- Fearless Leader: [with an official head chopper next to him] You will if you don't go to Moosylvania.
- Boris Badenov: [teary] What time leaves the next submarine?