- Piper Chapman: How are you doing?
- Alex Vause: Um, I mean I have nightmares, paranoia, sweaty, PTSD micro-flashbacks; but other than that... it's horrible.
- Galina 'Red' Reznikov: I played tough with Tricia, and now she's in the prison cemetery with her name spelled wrong.
- Brook Soso: I cannot believe those posers just smoked us on the unspoken interracial prison-couple power ranking.
- Poussey Washington: Well, we ain't about competition, alright? We just doing our thing. Our real thing.
- Brook Soso: I know. I'm not trying to sell us short or anything, but it's like they are Beyoncé and Jay Z and we're just Kim and Kanye.
- Poussey Washington: Yo, that hurts. I ain't gonna lie.
- Jennifer Digori: Yeah. And then all of a sudden you're like, 'What if other people are having these experiences that are different than mine, but still totally legit? And what if I'm supposed to think about that before I start judging their lives?
- Cindy Hayes: What, you ain't never heard of a May-December romance before?
- Judy King: I think it's more like June-October.
- Dayanara Diaz: I just thought we could hang out, burn your ugly face inside my brain, so I can remember you when it's too peaceful around here.
- Lorna Morello: You know, if you're gonna poop in the shower, at least you could plan ahead. Like, do it in a shower cap and take it with you after. Just common decency. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? I mean, I know for some people, drugs is the most important thing, but guess what? For the rest of us, we have feelings and noses and gag reflexes. And janitorial has had enough without you leaving your mess behind once you found what you've been looking for. And I think you might have worms, so deal with that.