- Wizard - Host: In 1942, author Isaac Asimov introduced the Three Laws of Robotics, to protect man from their cybernetic creations.
- Boomstick - Host: And thank god he didn't include anything against robot-on-robot violence. The world would just be way less fun.
- Wizard - Host: Mega Man, the Blue Bomber.
- Boomstick - Host: And Astro Boy, the Atomic Wonder Child.
- Wizard - Host: In the year 200X, a new age of robotics was dawning, heralded by Dr. Thomas Light, and his partner, Dr. Albert Wily. Together, they planned to launch mankind into a new age of prosperity.
- Boomstick - Host: So, they made a bunch of Robot Masters to do things too dangerous for people, like cutting down trees, bringing down buildings, and... being cold.
- Wizard - Host: However, jealous of Dr. Light's increasing notoriety...
- Boomstick - Host: And beard-growing skills... Damn, look at that thing. I could take a nap in that shit.
- Wizard - Host: ...Dr. Wily stole all of Light's robots and used them to try to take over the world.
- Boomstick - Host: All except two: Roll, a robo-girl built for housekeeping and sending feminism back to the '60s...
- Wizard - Host: ...and Rock, Light's loyal lab assistant and surrogate son.
- Boomstick - Host: Wily would regret this mistake about ten times over... give or take.
- Wizard - Host: After watching his human father fall to ruin over Wily's betrayal, Rock stepped up to take on the burden of saving the world himself. But first, he would have to upgrade into the super fighting robot called Mega Man.
- Wizard - Host: In the futuristic year of 2003, tensions were escalating between mankind and the robots they built to serve under them. But one brilliant robotics engineer was dealing with a far more personal problem.
- Boomstick - Host: Like MOST scientists I know, Dr. Tenma paid more attention to his work than his family, especially his 13-year-old son, Tobio. Well, until little Toby decided to take their future car out for a spin and got himself killed. You better believe Pop started paying attention then.
- Wizard - Host: Filled with grief and regret, Tenma became desperate for a second chance at being a father.
- Boomstick - Host: But instead of doing it the old-fashioned and fun way, he called up all his robotic engineering nerd friends to build him a new son. They did, and they called him... The Mighty Atom. But us Americans were like "F*CK THAT! Let's name him after the dog from 'The Jetsons'!" And so...
- Wizard - Host: Astro Boy assumed the role of Tenma's late son, even attending school and doing chores. Things were going well... until Tenma came to the realization that Astro would never truly replace Tobio. His resentment only grew every time he looked at the young robot's un-aging face.
- Boomstick - Host: So he came up with a brilliant plan: he sat down with his son, talked about his issues, and worked out all the resentment.
- [laughs]
- Boomstick - Host: No, I'm just kidding; he sold his ass to the circus. Haha, stupid robot, you're property!
- Wizard - Host: Astro spent his time performing until he was found and adopted by Dr. Ochanomizu, whose kindness inspired Astro to stand up for what's right and defend the world.
- Boomstick - Host: He's pretty good at it, too, mostly because Dad #1 was so scared of losing another son that he equipped this one with a shitload of weapons, like a finger laser and transforming arm cannons.
- Wizard - Host: Mega Man's new body is composed of Ceratanium, an alloy lighter and stronger than titanium, of course.
- Boomstick - Host: Think that's cool? Well, his hand can transform into a long-range cannon called the Mega Buster, a weapon so downright awesome, Rock named himself after it. Now, it may look like it just shoots lemons, but one shot can blow through a wall, and if he needs more power, Mega Man can charge it up for a devastating blast. Still not enough for you? All right, well, he can transform his other hand into a second Mega Buster and fire both of them at the same time. Sure, using that much power could overheat and even kill him, but, eh, what's life without a little risk and double the fire power?
- Wizard - Host: Astro Boy was built with seven amazing powers. He has jet-powered flight, flashlight eyes, the ability to translate more than sixty languages, instant discernment between good and evil, a hyper-intelligent electronic brain, ears one thousands times more sensitive than a human's...
- Boomstick - Host: And butt guns! No, really, he has two machine guns popping out of his pooper.
- Wizard - Host: While that may seem... unorthodox, Astro's rear-end retaliation serves as a handy surprise attack in battle.
- Boomstick - Host: Nobody suspects the butt guns. I mean nobody! Why would they?
- Wizard - Host: Mega Man's bread and butter is his Variable Weapons System. With it, he can wield any weapon he acquires, including those taken after defeating rogue Robot Masters.
- Boomstick - Host: Considering he's beaten over a hundred of them, that's a lot of weaponry! He can fire heat-seeking Dive Missiles, lock on target with Magnet Missiles, and even fire a swarm of hornets...? Who in the right mind would make robot hornets?
- Wizard - Host: His Metal Blades are buzzsaw bullets made from Ceratanium which can cut through almost anything, the Hard Knuckle is a fist that can break down walls, and the Mirror Buster returns energy projectiles back to sender.
- Boomstick - Host: But when he wants to bust out some real firepower, he has the Crash Bomb, a timed explosive which sticks to walls and enemies faster than the girl who says she loves you on the first date.
- Wizard - Host: And fully charged, his Atomic Fire has the potential to reach temperatures hotter than the surface of the sun.
- Boomstick - Host: He can stop time with the... Time Stopper, but can't use other weapons while it's active, and he can even create black holes!
- Wizard - Host: Well, sort of. A real black hole is fueled by consuming matter and evaporates only when all matter around it has been swallowed up. However, the black hole that Mega Man fires from his Black Hole Bomb have a definitive life span and can be sealed in concrete. It may not be a legitimate black hole, but it does create an extremely powerful and deadly vacuum.
- Boomstick - Host: So does Roll! He's also got Rush, who's like the best dog ever! You never have to feed him, he never shits on your couch, and he turns into a sweet-ass set of armor called the Super Adaptor.
- Wizard - Host: Sure, wearing the Super Adaptor means Mega Man forfeits all his Special Weapons, but in exchange he gets a massive boost in physical strength, the ability to fly, and he can fire his fists like rockets.
- Boomstick - Host: Astro also possesses 100,000 horsepower strength, and can break concrete without even trying, or tunnel through solid rock with ease.
- Wizard - Host: But his most fascinating aspect is his skin. Derived from an artificially-created super-plastic, Astro's body is tough enough to survive everything from the depths of the ocean to a dip in the sun.
- Boomstick - Host: Plus, he's a versatile fighter. He's taken on water-stealing aliens, dogs turned into human robots stealing diamonds from the moon, and a robot named Satan that shot lasers out of his nipples. I can't make this up.
- Boomstick - Host: Mega Man has stopped Wily's plans more than twenty times. He's durable enough to survive the vacuum of space, strong enough to hold up a collapsing castle, and tough enough to jump and shoot like his normal self while on freakin' Jupiter.
- Wizard - Host: The gravity of which would've made him weigh well over five tons.
- Boomstick - Host: He's also defeated his alternate future self... twice! How does that even make any sense? Screw you, future! You can't make me wait for me to get there!
- Wizard - Host: [describing Astro Boy] He beat Pluto, the most dangerous robot assassin in the world, after being upgraded to 1,000,000 horsepower. This gave him the strength to lift a cruise ship out of the water, and fly through thirty feet of solid iron like it was thin air.
- Boomstick - Host: Probably also seriously cut down on his miles per gallon. Speaking of which, how do you refill a robo-child...
- [notices a picture of Astro being refueled from a rather... unexpected place]
- Boomstick - Host: Aaah! F**k! Of all the ways, why that? Wiz, I'm pretty sure we just ended up on a watch-list. And I need a shower.
- Wizard - Host: I mean... it wouldn't have been my first choice. I'd chalk it up to Dr. Tenma's eccentricity? Designicity?
- Wizard - Host: Mega Man is like a walking arsenal and can carry as many weapons as he likes. However, adding too much to his system also seems to affect his behavior, making him more violent and ruthless. So for his own sake, he'll often discard a villain's weaponry after a mission's completion.
- Boomstick - Host: Oh, what a wuss! Come on, there's nothing wrong with a little blood lust! The real downside is that his Special Weapons have limited ammo.
- Wizard - Host: Even so, Mega Man is an exceedingly adaptable powerhouse.
- Boomstick - Host: Land, air, sea, space, if a crazy German is trying to take over the world, there's only one man to call: the Mega Man!
- Boomstick - Host: [about Astro Boy] Well, you'd think that being a half-naked flying death child would be pretty great, minus the whole rectal recharge, but Astro is hardly invincible.
- Wizard - Host: Tough as his super plastic skin may be, Astro does have an innate fear of being melted by extreme heat. And sometimes a strong enough blow can cause his joints to break apart. In addition, Astro sometimes overexerts himself to the point of dangerously draining his power supply.
- Boomstick - Host: If completely depleted, he's as good as dead. But, hey, sometimes it's worth spending the energy to plow a robo-chick so hard, it levels an entire city.
- Wizard - Host: No matter the challenge, Astro Boy will always give it his all.
- [Astro Boy had vanquished Mega Man]
- Boomstick - Host: Forecast calls for a 90% chance of Mega Man showers and a 10% chance of sadness.
- Wizard - Host: While Mega Man's varied arsenal kept Astro Boy on his toes, that's about the only edge he had.
- Boomstick - Host: Yeah. Astro Boy outclassed him everywhere else.
- Wizard - Host: Mega Man's greatest display of strength comes from when he held up a twenty-story tower worth 60,000 tons, delaying its collapse just long enough to escape.
- Boomstick - Host: Impressive, but not compared to Astro Boy who could lift a 100,000-ton ocean liner with total ease.
- Wizard - Host: Mega Man defeated Quick Man who is faster than lightning, or over 224,000 MPH.
- Boomstick - Host: That's cute. After patching things up with dear old dad number one, Astro Boy was so excited that he took a victory lap around the entire planet... in two seconds!
- Wizard - Host: Clocking in at just under 45,000,000 MPH.
- Boomstick - Host: Plus, Astro survived a bomb capable of stopping a solar flare. Heck, he got accidentally blasted by an atomic disintegrator gun and was still completely intact.
- Wizard - Host: Ultimately, the difference in power, speed and durability is abundantly clear, and with Mega Man's limited ammunition reserves, all the Blue Bomber could do was delay the inevitable.
- Boomstick - Host: Mega Man just couldn't keep it together.
- Wizard - Host: The winner is Astro Boy.