The Magicians (TV Series)
Impractical Applications (2016)
Jason Ralph: Quentin Coldwater
Photos
Quotes
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Quentin Coldwater : The thing that attacked us; that ripped the Dean's eyes out, seems like it might be from Fillory.
Margo Hanson : Jesus. That is not tonally consistent with the books.
Quentin Coldwater : No, it's not. And that - I just - I - I find that devastating.
Margo Hanson : Were you planning a trip there?
Quentin Coldwater : No.
Margo Hanson : Really. Because, otherwise, you're literally torturing yourself over a fairy tale. Quentin, you passed the first trial. You live to fight another day. Drink up. Go to the party. Find someone to bang. Celebrate the world you're in, dummy.
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Margo Hanson : [Wearing robe and mask] Oh, Manon! We offer up this virgin. Flesh and blood.
Quentin Coldwater : Jesus, I'm not a virgin.
Margo Hanson : [Takes mask off] Huh. Life is full of surprises.
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Quentin Coldwater : We have to cheat. They want us to. We've been Kobayashi Maru'd.
William 'Penny' Adiyodi : Whatever that means, yes!
Surendra : No. No way.
William 'Penny' Adiyodi : You're an idiot. We're cheating.
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Quentin Coldwater : You ever want something so badly and then realize that it's nothing like what you thought? And maybe that you are stupid for ever actually even wanting it.
Margo Hanson : Every guy I've ever slept with.
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Quentin Coldwater : I hated junior cowboy camp.
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Alice Quinn : I'm assuming you didn't travel to Fillory on some planned vacation.
[Penny is silent]
Alice Quinn : So you don't know how to control it yet. Then educate yourself. Nobody knows more about Fillory than Quentin. What if you end up back there again?
Kady Orloff-Diaz : She makes a point.
William 'Penny' Adiyodi : Okay, fanboy. Tell me what it says in the books about not getting my face eaten by The Beast.
Quentin Coldwater : The Beast isn't in the books.
William 'Penny' Adiyodi : How's that, if I was right there staring him in the face?
Quentin Coldwater : The Chatwins, they mostly get chased around by this Time Witch, the Watcher Woman. She plants clocks in trees... Ah, it's sort of surrealist.
Kady Orloff-Diaz : Okay, I take it back. This is a waste of your time.
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Surendra : How much time do we have left?
Quentin Coldwater : I don't know. Who knows how to read an hourglass?
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Quentin Coldwater : Ow, the pine needles are hurting my feet.
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Quentin Coldwater : You were in Fillory!
William 'Penny' Adiyodi : Stop! Okay? Fillory is just a-...
Quentin Coldwater : Did you see any animals? Did they talk to you?
William 'Penny' Adiyodi : I was at some dungeon, you Hobbit-loving freak! What's wrong with you?
Quentin Coldwater : ...There are no Hobbits in Fillory.
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William 'Penny' Adiyodi : [after being put in teams for The Trials] Say one word about Fillory and I'll kill you. Don't get me kicked out.
Quentin Coldwater : Well, then we'd finally be even.
Surendra : Now I get it.
Quentin Coldwater : Get what?
Surendra : Why our team name is "Horny Chupacabras".
Quentin Coldwater : [stuttering] I'm not a... I don't even know what a "chupacabra" is.
Surendra : It's a spine-covered goat-sucking primate indigenous to Mexico. I can already see we are immensely handicapped by your presence.
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Quentin Coldwater : Margo, did you roofie me?
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Alice Quinn : I really didn't see this coming.
Quentin Coldwater : How could you? You're the best.
Alice Quinn : You know what? I try so hard not to be.
Quentin Coldwater : Why?
Alice Quinn : I'm already pretty damn unpopular. Can you imagine what they would think if they knew how good I really am? "Spinster magician dies alone, eaten by cats".