The Greasy Strangler (2016)

Elizabeth De Razzo: Janet

Photos 

Quotes 

• Big Brayden : Dad! Were you here the whole time!

  Big Ronnie : Yes!

  Janet : Don't hide under Brayden's bed!

  Big Ronnie : Hey! You're my girlfriend! And by the way, he wouldn't even exist if he hadn't flown out of my long juicy prickus!

  [turns to Brayden] 

  Big Ronnie : And as for you, as your father I forbid you to marry! And one other thing, you're evicted. So it's time for you to fuck off.

  Big Brayden : We're leaving right now and we're leaving gladly!

  Janet : Brayden will be moving into my place, he'll be much happier there, and he can twattle my twat anytime he wants! And I don't care if he craps on the bed, I'll rub it on my tits!

  Big Brayden : Yeah dad! We don't need you, and it kills you to think that Janet loves me! And guess what? I love her! And you were right about one thing though dad, she is a hootie tootie disco cutie!

  Big Brayden , Janet : Hootie tootie disco cutie! Hootie tootie disco cutie! Hootie tootie disco cutie! Hootie tootie disco cutie! Hootie tootie disco cutie! Hootie tootie disco cutie! Hootie tootie disco cutie!

  Big Brayden : Just so you know, he tried to impress me with a loud fart once. He put his legs behind his head and he shouted someone's cutting the cheese. Instead of just gas a big glob of turd flew out of his butt like a rocket. It did a loop-d-loop near the wall and landed on the bed. So if anyone's a bed crapper around here it's him!

  Janet : That must have been tough.

  Big Brayden : Yeah. It looked like a big brown finger. It was pointing right at me.

  Janet : If he really is the greasy strangler, you have to kill him.

• Janet : So um, does your mom live with you two?

  Big Brayden : No. She left when I was small. She met someone new.

  Janet : Well that's crapola.

  Big Brayden : Yeah. His name is Ricky Prickles. He's a professional sports coach. He's got the most defined six pack I've ever seen.

  Janet : Ohh! Tell this girl more.

  Big Brayden : I went to stay with mom and Ricky once, he made me punch him in his six pack. He didn't feel anything because the muscles were so hard. It was like punching a vacuum packed bag of roasted sausages. Then he made me do abdominal crunches with him. I barfed all over his carpet. My barf was real orange and tasted fizzy. Ricky Prickles was so mad, he smacked me twice in the face with the flat of his hand.

  Janet : Ricky the pricky.

  Big Brayden : Then he molested me. Sexually harassed me.

  Janet : How old were you?

  Big Brayden : 18. I had long golden hair and a soft mustache. I've never been able to do muscle curls or abdominal crunches.

  Janet : Not all girls like ripped up abs.

  Big Brayden : Yeah! Some girls like loyal hearts.

• Big Brayden : Ah. You're up late.

  Big Brayden : Yeah. I'm working on a novel.

  Janet : The fantasy one?

  Big Brayden : No. It's an urban cyber-thriller called "Revenge Incorporated". It's set in a dark future where revenge is outlawed, but there's a company you can hire to get revenge for you.

  Janet : Hmmm.

  Big Brayden : I been dreaming about you through-out these long hot nights. Do you miss me?

  Janet : Yeah... I sort of miss you.

  Big Brayden : I'm lost and lonely for you. Basically I love you.

  Janet : Don't say that. Unless you mean it of course.

  Big Brayden : Why's the sky blue? Because blue is your favorite color.

  Janet : Oh you cornball.

  Big Brayden : Yeah I'm a cornball remember? I love you though. I love you. I wanted to say it for so long.

  Janet : It feels good to hear it, if I'm honest.

  Big Brayden : Give yourself to me for all time.

  Janet : Don't say that, this girl's confused.

  Big Brayden : If I could write your name on the moon I would with my own blood. And also I wanna marry you

  Janet : Okay...?

  Big Brayden : I loved you from the moment I saw you on the disco tour. I'm a romantic at heart.

• Big Ronnie : And now, this very store here is where Kool, from Kool & the Gang, worked before he exploded unto the disco scene. Anyway this is the end of Big Ronnie's disco tour thank you very much for coming and ah, come again soon!

  [Tourists walk away and Janet walks in] 

  Janet : So, where you taking me tonight mister?

  Big Brayden : How about a sizzling cajun hot pot?

  Big Ronnie : Well what about me? Who's gonna cook for me? I'm hungry!

  Big Brayden : You'll have to go to a vendor dad. You'll have to go get a dog.

  Janet : Not a real dog.

  Big Brayden : Yeah don't bite into a real dog.

  Janet : Don't bite into a woof-woof!

  Big Brayden : Woof-woof!

  Big Ronnie : Okay. You two can fuck off tonight!

  Big Brayden : Bye dad.

  Janet : Bye-bye.

  Big Ronnie : Bye-bye. Fucking cunts.

  [watches Janet and Brayden walk away] 

  Big Ronnie : I could feast on that queens ass all night long!

• Jodi : Your da-da may well be the greasy strangler, unfortunately I cannot proceed with this case any further as there is no evidence. Please end all inquiries here.

  Big Brayden : What about the oil on his floor?

  Jodi : Circumstantial evidence is meaningless. Please end all inquiries here.

  Big Brayden : So we're on our own.

  Jodi : Please end all inquiries here.

  Big Brayden : Come on Jodi, please!

  Jodi : Please end all...

  [points at Janet] 

  Janet : Inquiries here.

  Jodi : Correct. Please end all inquiries here.

  Big Brayden : Great. Well you've been most helpful Mr. Jodi. I know my dad's the greasy strangler. I guess I'll have to expose him on my own.

• Big Brayden : Just so you know, he tried to impress me with a loud fart once. He put his legs behind his head and shouted, "Someone's cutting the cheese!" Instead of just gas, a big glob of turd flew out of his butt like a rocket. It did a loop-the-loop near the wall and landed on the bed. So if anyone's a bed crapper around here, it's him.

  Janet : That must have been tough.

  Big Brayden : Yeah. It looked like a big, brown finger. It was pointing right me.