Bradley Cooper: Rocket
Photos
Quotes
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Baby Groot : I am Groot.
Yondu : What's that?
Rocket : He says, "Welcome to the frickin' Guardians of the Galaxy." Only he didn't use "frickin'."
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Rocket : Does anybody have any tape out there? I wanna put some tape over the death button.
Peter Quill : I don't have any tape. Let me check. Yo, Yondu, do you have any. Ow! Do you have any tape?... Gamora? Do you have any tape? Tape! Ah, never mind. Ow! Drax, do you have any tape? Yes, Scotch tape would work... Then why did you ask me if Scotch tape would work, if you don't have any? Nobody has any tape!
Rocket : Not a single person has tape?
Peter Quill : Nope!
Rocket : Did you ask Nebula?
Peter Quill : Yes!
Rocket : Are you sure?
Peter Quill : I asked Yondu and she was sitting right next to him.
Rocket : I knew you were lying!
Peter Quill : You have priceless batteries and an atomic bomb in your bag. If anybody's gonna have tape, it's *you*!
[Baby Groot grabs the device and runs off with it while Rocket's back is turned]
Rocket : That's exactly my point! I have to do everything!
Peter Quill : You are wasting a lot of time here!
[Rocket turns around and see that both the bomb and Groot are gone]
Rocket : [to himself] We're all gonna die.
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Rocket : So, we're saving the galaxy, again?
Peter Quill : I guess.
Rocket : Awesome! We're really gonna be able to jack up our prices if we're two-time galaxy savers.
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Groot : I am Groot.
Rocket : He hates hats.
Groot : I am Groot.
Rocket : On anyone, not just himself.
Groot : I am Groot.
Rocket : [to Yondu] One minute you think someone has a weird-shaped head, the next minute it's just because you realize part of that head is the hat.
Rocket : [to Groot] That's why you don't like hats?
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[showing Groot how to arm the bomb]
Rocket : All right, first you flick this switch, then this switch. That activates it. Then you push this button, which will give you five minutes to get out of there. Now, whatever you do, don't push *this* button, because that will set off the bomb immediately and we'll all be dead. Now, repeat back what I just said.
Groot : I am Groot.
Rocket : Uh-huh.
Groot : I am Groot.
Rocket : That's right.
Groot : [pointing to the death button] I am Groot.
Rocket : No! No, that's the button that will kill everyone! Try again.
Groot : Hmm. I am Groot.
Rocket : Mmm-hmm.
Groot : I am Groot?
Rocket : Uh-huh.
Groot : [pointing to the death button] I am Groot.
Rocket : No! That's exactly what you just said! How is that even possible? Which button is the button you're supposed to push? Point to it.
[Groot points to the death button]
Rocket : *No*!
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Rocket : You people have issues.
Peter Quill : Well, of course I have issues. That's my freakin' father!
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Rocket : [snickering] I'm sorry. I am so sorry! I just keep imagining you waking up in the morning, sir, looking in the mirror and then in all seriousness saying to yourself...
[deep voice]
Rocket : "You know what would be a really kick-ass name? Taserface!"
[all the Ravagers struggle desperately not to laugh]
Rocket : That's how I hear you in my head! What was your second choice? "Scrotum Hat"?
[Rocket and the Ravagers all fall apart laughing]
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Rocket : Do you know why I did it, Star-Munch? Hmm?
Peter Quill : I'm not gonna answer to "Star-Munch."
Rocket : I did it because I wanted to!
Peter Quill : Dick.
Rocket : What are we even talking about this for? We just had a little man save us by blowing up fifty ships!
Drax : How little?
Rocket : [holding his thumb and forefinger close together] Well, I don't know, like this?
Gamora : [skeptically] A little one-inch man saved us?
Rocket : Well, if he got closer, I'm sure he would be much larger.
Peter Quill : It's how eyesight works, you stupid raccoon.
Rocket : *Don't call me a racoon*!
Peter Quill : I'm sorry. I took it too far. I meant trash panda.
[Rocket looks around in confusion]
Rocket : Is that better?
Drax : I don't know.
Peter Quill : [snickering] It's worse. It's so much worse.
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Peter Quill : You put your turd in my bed, I shave you.
Rocket : Oh, it won't be my turd. It'll be Drax's.
Drax : [laughs] I have famously huge turds.
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Peter Quill : This is weird. We've got a Sovereign fleet approaching from the rear.
Gamora : Why would they do that?
Drax : Probably because Rocket stole some of their batteries.
Rocket : Dude!
Drax : [awkwardly] Right... He didn't steal some of those. I don't know why they're after us. What a mystery this is.
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Yondu : You can fool yourself and everyone else, but you can't fool me. I know who you are.
Rocket : You don't know anything about me, loser.
Yondu : I know everything about you. I know you play like you're the meanest and the hardest but actually you're the most scared of all.
Rocket : Shut up!
Yondu : I know you steal batteries you don't need and you push away anyone who's willing to put up with you 'cause just a little bit of love reminds you of how big and empty that hole inside you actually is.
Rocket : I said shut up!
Yondu : I know them scientists what made you, never gave a rat's ass about you!
Rocket : I'm serious, dude!
Yondu : Just like my own damn parents who sold me, their own little baby, into slavery! I know who you are, boy, because you're me!
Rocket : ...What kind of a pair are we?
Yondu : The kind that's about to go fight a planet, I reckon.
Rocket : All right, okay! Good, that's... Wait. Fight a what?
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Rocket : [to Taserface] What was your second choice? Scrotum Hat?
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Rocket : He didn't chase them away.
Peter Quill : No.
Rocket : Even though he yelled at them, and was always mean... And he stole batteries he didn't need.
Peter Quill : [Realizes Rocket's talking about himself, not Yondu] Well, of course not.
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Rocket : [knocks out Gamora] I'm Sorry. I can only afford to lose one friend today.
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[Yondu and Rocket are held captive in a cage. Yondu notices Groot walking nearby]
Yondu : Psst! Hey, twig! Come here. Come on.
[Groot approaches the cage. He looks sad]
Rocket : [sighs] Aw, man... what did they do to you?
Yondu : [smiles] Hey, you wanna help us get outta here?
[Groot nods]
Yondu : There's something I need you to get, and bring back to me. In the captain's quarters, there's a prototype fin... the thing I wore on my head. There's a drawer next to the bunk. It's in that. It's red. You got it?
[Groot nods and rushes away. Yondu smiles, thinking the problem is solved. Rocket rolls his eyes and sighs. Groot quietly passes by the sleeping Ravagers. He returns with... Yondu's underwear. Rocket facepalms]
Yondu : [dryly] That's my underwears.
Rocket : Yeah, I was pretty sure he didn't know what you were talkin' about. You have to explain it more careful.
Yondu : [slowly] It's a prototype fin.
[Groot brings a orloni. The rodent screeches furiously, attempting to break free]
Rocket : That's an orloni. It's a fin, Groot.
Yondu : You explain it this time.
Rocket : All right.
[next, Groot brings a prosthetic eye]
Yondu : That's Vorker's eye. He takes it out when he sleeps. Go. Look again.
[Groot starts walking away]
Rocket : But leave the eye here.
Yondu : Why?
Rocket : [laughs] He's gonna wake up tomorrow... and he's not gonna know... where his eye is! Ha-ha-ha!
[next, Groot brings a desk. Yondu and Rocket nearly freak out]
Yondu : That's a desk.
Rocket : [to Groot] We told you it was this big.
[next, Groot brings a severed human toe. Yondu and Rocket feel sick]
Rocket : Tell me you guys have a refrigerator somewhere... with a bunch of severed human toes.
[Yondu shakes his head]
Rocket : Okay. Then let's just agree to never discuss this.
[Yondu removes a leaf-shaped ornament from his suit and shows it to Groot]
Yondu : The drawer you wanna open has this symbol on it. Okay?
[Yondu hands the ornament to Groot. Groot examines it, confused, then places it on his head]
Yondu : What? No!
Rocket : He thinks you want him to wear it as a hat.
Yondu : [angrily] That's not what I said!
Groot : I am Groot.
Rocket : He's relieved you don't want him to.
Groot : I am Groot.
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Rocket : [Teasing Drax who is not wearing any armor,cause it hurts his nipples] "My nipples hurt. Oh, goodness me!"
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Rocket : [referring to Taserface and Ego] It's a day for dumbass names.
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Rocket : I was cybernetically engineered to pilot a spacecraft.
Peter Quill : You were cybernetically engineered to be a douchebag!
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Gamora : Where's Peter?... Rocket, WHERE IS HE?... Rocket. LOOK AT ME! WHERE IS HE?
[Rocket mumbles and shakes his head. Groot points outside. Gamora rises and grabs a weapon]
Gamora : No! I'm not leaving without him!
Rocket : I'm sorry. I can only afford to lose one friend today. KRAGLIN, GO!
Drax : [Kraglin starts engines. To Kraglin] Wait. Is Quill back?
[Into comms]
Drax : Rocket, where's Quill? ROCKET, WHERE'S QUILL? ROCKET, WHERE'S QUILL?
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Yondu : [to Rocket] I was a Kree battle slave for twenty years when Stakar freed me. He offered me a place with the Ravagers. Said all I needed to do was adhere to the code. But I was young... and greedy, and stupid. Like you stealing those batteries.
Rocket : That was mostly Drax.
Yondu : Me and Stakar and the other captains... we weren't so different from you and your friends. The only family I ever had. But I broke the code... they exiled me. This is what I deserve.
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Rocket : Whoa! Whoa. There must be some kind of peaceful resolution to this, fellas... or even a violent one where I'm standing over there.
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Rocket : [to Yondu] You're smiling. And for a second, I got a warm feeling. But then it was ruined by those disgusting-ass teeth.
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Ego : I hired Yondu to pick you up after your mother passed away. But, instead of returning you, Yondu kept you. I have no clue as to why.
Peter Quill : I'll tell ya why; I was a skinny little kid who could slip into places adults couldn't. Made it easier for thieving.
Ego : Well, I've been trying to track you down ever since.
Drax : I thought Yondu was your father.
Peter Quill : What? You're trying to tell me that this whole time, you thought Yondu was my actual blood relative?
Drax : You look exactly alike!
Rocket : *One's blue!*
Peter Quill : No, he's not my father! Yondu was the guy who abducted me, kicked the crap out of me so I could learn to fight, and kept me in terror by threatening to eat me.
Ego : [shocked] Eat you?
Peter Quill : Yeah.
Ego : Oh, that son of a bitch!
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Rocket : He hates hats.
Groot : I am Groot.
Rocket : On anyone, not just himself.
Groot : I am Groot.
Rocket : One minute you think someone has a weird-shaped head... the next minute it's just because you realize part of that head is the hat. That's why you don't like hats?
[Groot nods]
Yondu : [impatiently] This is an important conversation right now?
[Groot goes again. He finds a drawer with a symbol similar to the shape of the ornament Yondu gave him. After making sure the ornament matches the symbol, Groot extends his arms and opens the drawer. He searches its contents and retrieves... a small box of candies. Groot rejoices, when suddenly he hears a voice near him]
Kraglin : That ain't it.
[Kraglin finds the fin. He approaches the cage with Groot and hands the fin to Yondu. Yondu glares at him]
Kraglin : [ashamed] I didn't mean to do a mutiny. They killed all my friends.
[pause]
Yondu : [sharply] Get the third quadrant ready for release.
[Kraglin salutes and places Groot behind the bars of the cage, then starts walking away]
Rocket : One more thing.
[Kraglin stops]
Rocket : You got any clones of Quill's old music on the ship?
[Kraglin looks strangely at Rocket]
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Rocket : So, we're saving the galaxy again?
Peter Quill : I guess.
Rocket : Awesome! We'll really be able to jack up our prices if we're two-time galaxy savers!
Peter Quill : I seriously can't believe THAT is where your mind goes!
Rocket : It was just a random thought, man! I thought we were friends! Of course care about the planets and the buildings and all of the animals on the planets.
Peter Quill : And the people.
Rocket : Eh.
