Major Crimes (TV Series)

Do Not Disturb (2014)

G.W. Bailey: Louie Provenza

Quotes 

• Julio Sanchez : Oh, hey, Sykes, I forgot. Cooper stopped by earlier and said he was gonna be late to dinner.

  Amy Sykes : I'm not going to dinner with Lt. Cooper.

  Andy Flynn : I'm surprised you guys ever came back from surveillance.

  Buzz Watson : You're dating Cooper?

  Rusty Beck : People don't know that yet?

  Amy Sykes : There is nothing to know.

  Mike Tao : Oh, let the girl be happy.

  Louie Provenza : Or, as happy as anyone can be in a relationship. Good night, everybody. I hope to see none of you before morning.

  Rusty Beck : Well, uh, but, actually, could you wait just a second? I wanted to ask all of you a question. Would it bother any of you, or... w-would any of you think differently about me if I... if I said... if I said I was gay?

  Mike Tao : Oh, you're gay?

  Buzz Watson : We did not know that.

  Andy Flynn : I think after we get past the initial shock...

  [Julio snorts] 

  Louie Provenza : Julio, this is serious. The answer is, if you told us you were gay, we'd think that you trusted us more, and then we would trust YOU more. Did you hear that, Sykes?

  Amy Sykes : Oh, my God. I'm dating Lieutenant Cooper. There, are you happy?

  Andy Flynn : I knew it!

  Mike Tao : Ha-ha-ha. Pay up, Buzz.

  Buzz Watson : Give me a second.

  Louie Provenza : Sykes, you do know that you have to inform the captain?

  Amy Sykes : I did, which is how you knew.

  Rusty Beck : No. No, no, no. I knew because I saw the two of you outside of SOB. I was heading in for therapy appointment with Dr. Joe, and you were dropping Lieutenant Cooper off... out front.

  Amy Sykes : You didn't say anything.

  Rusty Beck : Well, you guys were making out. What was I supposed to say?

  [all laughing] 

• Louie Provenza : The thing you need to understand about kissing a diplomat's ass is that it doesn't kiss back.

• Kendall : Someone put a serious dent in the victim's skull with that little statue.

  Mike Tao : Hotel staff says this statue usually lives on this counter here.

  Louie Provenza : Well, what's it supposed to be?

  Mike Tao : Uh... modern art.

  Louie Provenza : Well, did it kill him in the abstract or for real?

• Andy Flynn : So, what did Malibu Barbie have to say for herself?

  Buzz Watson : So far, it's classic teenager.

  Louie Provenza : She was only trying to help. "I never told Lina anything." "I don't know how she found out about what was going on."

  Sharon Raydor : As far as classic teenage behavior goes, I'm feeling a little overexposed. It's time to cut through all this crap.

  [walks out from the room] 

  Louie Provenza : Did she just say "crap"?

  [Flynn nods] 

  Louie Provenza : My, oh, my.

• [last lines] 

  Rusty Beck : So, nothing changes?

  Louie Provenza : Oh, well, we'll kid her for a while and eventually they'll break up, and who will care?

  Rusty Beck : No, I, I mean... between you and me.

  Louie Provenza : Oh. Well, uh... as long as you don't come in here dressed like the Village People and singing show tunes, we'll be fine.

  Rusty Beck : Wait. Who are the Village People?

  Louie Provenza : Look, there are some things that I don't mind teaching you, but I'm afraid you're gonna have to figure out being gay... all on your own.

  Rusty Beck : [browsing the web]  The... Village... People. Hm.

• Louie Provenza : Man, you see what happens when you're allowed to investigate crimes? You find these things called... clues.