- Grim Reaper: Right, best get on. Next!
- [Ivan the Terrible enters]
- Grim Reaper: And you are?
- Ivan the Terrible: Ivan the Terrible.
- Grim Reaper: [mockingly] Ooh, Ivan the Terrible! What's so 'terrible' about you?
- [Aside]
- Grim Reaper: Hope it's not wind!
- [Sniggers]
- Ivan the Terrible: I once gouged out the eyes of two architects.
- Grim Reaper: Oh yes? And what crime had they committed?
- Ivan the Terrible: They had built me the most beautiful church the world had ever seen. St Basil's in Moscow, the one with the multicoloured onion domes. It's very nice, very pretty.
- Grim Reaper: And you rewarded them by... gouging their eyes out?
- Ivan the Terrible: Of course. To ensure that they never built anything better for anybody else.
- Grim Reaper: Yeah, that is quite terrible actually.
- Ivan the Terrible: I once had an Archbishop sewn into a bearskin, and hunted down and killed by wild dogs.
- [laughs]
- Grim Reaper: Yep, that's pretty terrible too.
- Ivan the Terrible: I also had people buried alive, roasted on a spit, boiled in oil and my enemies' ribs pulled out by hot pincers.
- Grim Reaper: Alright mate. Steady on - I've just had my lunch!
- [Burps]
- Ivan the Terrible: I also tipped scalding soup over my jester.
- Grim Reaper: Just how bad were his jokes?
- Ivan the Terrible: Put it this way, that was the only time he made me laugh. I then stabbed him to death.