Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (TV Series)
Kimmy Goes Outside! (2015)
Tituss Burgess: Titus Andromedon
Photos
Quotes
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Kimmy Schmidt : We are going to pay the rent, I'm gonna get my job back, and I'm gonna kiss a boy. And you are going to sing at the Grammys with Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson.
Titus Andromedon : Bad examples, but yes!
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Kimmy Schmidt : We should go out to celebrate. I mean, I got a job today. I got an apartment. I met you!
Titus Andromedon : I envy you. I've never been able to meet me.
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Titus Andromedon : What are you doing here, Amelia Bedelia? I told you to go back to Indiana.
Kimmy Schmidt : I'm not going back. I'm not gonna give up, and neither are you.
Titus Andromedon : I'm trying to protect you!
Kimmy Schmidt : Protect me from what? The worst thing that ever happened to me happened in my own front yard. Life beats you up, Titus. It doesn't matter if you get tooken by a cult or you've been rejected over and over again at auditions.
Titus Andromedon : Some of which you paid to attend.
Kimmy Schmidt : You can either curl up in a ball and die, like we thought Cyndee did that time, or you can stand up and say, We're different. We're the strong ones, and you can't break us.
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Titus Andromedon : I'm pretty, but tough like a diamond. Or beef jerky in a ball gown.
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Kimmy Schmidt : Titus! Dancing is about butts now!
Titus Andromedon : It is, girl!
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Titus Andromedon : I auditioned for "The Lion King" twenty times in fifteen years until they finally told me, "You are not passing as a straight giraffe."
Kimmy Schmidt : But you are such a good singer. I heard you.
Titus Andromedon : I have not sung in public in three years. You wanna know what I do now? I dress up in that robot costume in Times Square and I pass out flyers for an arcade. My boss is seventeen years old, I get paid in quarters, and I'm starting to think cab drivers are hitting me on purpose.
Kimmy Schmidt : Well, you got out of Mississippi.
Titus Andromedon : Escaping is not the same as makin' it, Kimmy.
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Kimmy Schmidt : I am one of the Indiana Mole Women.
Titus Andromedon : From the news. Why didn't you tell me?
Kimmy Schmidt : Because I just want to be a normal person. And I can't. I don't know anything. I can't tell phones from cameras. Even policemen have tattoos.
Titus Andromedon : Pack up your trifles and whatnots.
Kimmy Schmidt : What?
Titus Andromedon : Get your things and go home. New York City is not for you.
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Kimmy Schmidt : Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
Lillian Kaushtupper : You want smoke? "Herr-on"?
Kimmy Schmidt : Um. I'm here about the ad?
Lillian Kaushtupper : The roommate ad!
[gasps]
Lillian Kaushtupper : My god. You're here about the ad! I own the building. Come on. It's a garden-level maisonette. Uh, look at you! You look so nice, and Titus is a very, very sweet boy.
[she presses his apartment buzzer]
Lillian Kaushtupper : A little crusty on the outside but a soft heart - like a wonderful French roll. But black.
Titus Andromedon : [through intercom] Who the
[static]
Titus Andromedon : is it?
Lillian Kaushtupper : It's Lillian, dear.
Titus Andromedon : [through intercom] Oh.
Lillian Kaushtupper : [to Kimmy] It's gonna be wonderful for him to have a roommate, because he's very isolated but so talented but disillusioned. But a genius. And he's single! But very gay. And he doesn't know I placed the ad.
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Lillian Kaushtupper : When will I be gettin' my money?
Titus Andromedon : What about my money? Slavery reparations, Lillian.
Lillian Kaushtupper : Touché. You people have suffered.
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Titus Andromedon : You got a secret.
Kimmy Schmidt : What?
Titus Andromedon : You moved to New York City today with a bag full of cash, no stuff, and what is clearly a wig. Somebody in here got beans. Spill them.
Kimmy Schmidt : Okay. Well, the truth is, I'm from Indiana...
Titus Andromedon : Oh!
[chortles]
Titus Andromedon : Okay. That explains why you're so basic. Say no more.
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Kimmy Schmidt : Oh, hey, Titus? Does this backpack look babyish?
Titus Andromedon : It is a backpack.