- [Helen regains consciousness to find herself bound and gagged and facing a sentient sock puppet]
- Jackie the Sock Puppet: Well, well, well. Look who's awake... homewrecker! I think I might snatch that very pretty hair out bit by bit - maybe make a little wig for myself.
- [struggling desperately after seeing Jake unconscious on the floor, Helen manages to spit out her gag]
- Helen: Jake, will you please wake up!
- Jackie the Sock Puppet: Oh, I'm afraid he's far too high to know what's going on.
- [first lines]
- Helen: Jake, the washer's...
- [Helen enters Jake's home office and discovers he's masturbating while watching a porn video]
- Jake: Jesus, woman! Shit!
- Helen: Oh, come on! Are you kidding me with this? It's the middle of the day. You know it's pretty insulting that you prefer that to me.
- Jake: What do you mean? I'm always ready to get off on you. Come on, let's do this thing.
- Helen: Oh, yeah, because watching you beat off on that crusty old sock really gets me off. By the way, where's the other one?
- Jackie the Sock Puppet: Ever since you two meet, you've been trying to put a wedge between us and you were about there and you so were so proud of yourself, weren't you?
- Helen: I'm sorry.
- Jackie the Sock Puppet: Oh, good. A bitch can see reason after all. I was willing to share, you know. That's what love is sometimes. It's compromise - but what would you know about that?
- [last lines]
- Helen: Hey, Jake, I think we're late on the...
- [sees Jake watch porn and masturbating again]
- Jake: Oh, God. Oh, Helen, I'm sorry. It's this woman on this bed and she's just trying and I couldn't... I mean, I had...
- [Jackie makes a growling sound]
- Helen: No-no. It's fine.
- [fearful of the sock puppet, Jackie backs out of the room, bumping into furniture as she leaves]
- Jake: Oh, well. That's new.
- Jackie the Sock Puppet: I told you that the bitch was crazy.
- [Jake smiles and gently pushes the sock puppet towards his crotch]