Eli Banks: Jake

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Helen : Jake, the washer's...

  [Helen enters Jake's home office and discovers he's masturbating while watching a porn video] 

  Jake : Jesus, woman! Shit!

  Helen : Oh, come on! Are you kidding me with this? It's the middle of the day. You know it's pretty insulting that you prefer that to me.

  Jake : What do you mean? I'm always ready to get off on you. Come on, let's do this thing.

  Helen : Oh, yeah, because watching you beat off on that crusty old sock really gets me off. By the way, where's the other one?

• [Jake leaves the bedroom, pillow in hand] 

  Jake : Only you would make me choose...

  Helen : Enjoy the couch.

  [Helen turns off the bedroom light] 

  Jackie the Sock Puppet : Nighty-night, bitch.

  [in the darkness, Helen gasps, followed by the sound of a hard object striking bone] 

• [last lines] 

  Helen : Hey, Jake, I think we're late on the...

  [sees Jake watch porn and masturbating again] 

  Jake : Oh, God. Oh, Helen, I'm sorry. It's this woman on this bed and she's just trying and I couldn't... I mean, I had...

  [Jackie makes a growling sound] 

  Helen : No-no. It's fine.

  [fearful of the sock puppet, Jackie backs out of the room, bumping into furniture as she leaves] 

  Jake : Oh, well. That's new.

  Jackie the Sock Puppet : I told you that the bitch was crazy.

  [Jake smiles and gently pushes the sock puppet towards his crotch]