- Steve Smith: [Sees Snot has made it to the funeral] Just drive.
- Trucker: A railroad gypsy took my vas deferens but you, boy, are just bumming me out.
- Steve Smith: Snot, you need to process this. This is a big deal!
- Snot Lonstein: Yeah, it's my big deal! And I am not going to pretend to have some big theatrical reaction to this just to make you happy!
- Steve Smith: But you should have some reaction. You have to feel something. He was your dad and now he's gone.
- Snot Lonstein: We're all going to die, Steven! I'm gonna die! You're gonna die! Everyone dies! Do you really think any of this is going to last forever? 'Cause it's not!
- Steve Smith: [to Dream Girl] I just realized I don't know your name.
- Dream Girl: I could tell you my name, but would my name tell you that I'm incapable of seeing the color orange? I just have to trust people who give me these. Or that I think mustaches are t-shirts for lips? Or that I wear ice skates to weddings? It's hard to dance, but that's just the type of person I am.
- Steve Smith: [narrating] We went out in search of a way to say goodbye to an absent father, but we found a lot more than that. We found each other, not to mention ourselves. And like the open road, we are infinite.
- Snot Lonstein: Will you shut up? You've been narrating for four hours.
- Steve Smith: [to Dream Girl] What are you doing here?
- Dream Girl: I'm traveling cross-country taking Polaroid pictures of people walking other people's dogs. It's pretty hard to tell, but I didn't become an artist because it was easy.
- Steve Smith: I'm Steve. I'm the kind of guy who drives cross-country to take his friend to his old man's funeral, then gives it all up when he finds his manic, pixie dream girl along the way.
- Dream Girl: Wait a minute. You blew off your grieving friend to hang out in a hot tub with a complete stranger?
- Steve Smith: No. No, you don't understand. I helped him get in touch with his sadness. I'm the only reason he even went to the funeral.
- Dream Girl: Oh, I just figured you out. You're an emotional tourist.
- Steve Smith: A what?
- Dream Girl: You're the kind of person who feeds off other's experiences to fill the void inside of you. An emotional tourist. And I'm sorry, but that's not the trip I packed for.