- Vanessa Baxter: Ed made up a whole fake backstory about himself just to trick people into trusting him?
- Mike Baxter: Yep. Basically, he's Obama.
- Eve Baxter: [commenting on Mandy's unusual attire] Oh my god, what... what is this?
- Mandy Baxter: I went to a hoe-down.
- Eve Baxter: Well, they're down a ho, now that you left.
- [last lines]
- Vanessa Baxter: I worry about our daughters and the men they choose.
- Mike Baxter: I know. They can't all win the lottery like you did.
- Vanessa Baxter: [laughs] Just remember, a lot of people who win the lottery end up killing themselves.
- Mike Baxter: And *you* remember they usually end up blowing their winnings.
- [first lines]
- Eve Baxter: [bursting into the house in her ROTC uniform] Okay, so we just learned the coolest move in hand-to-hand combat training. Come on, Dad, take a swing at me.
- Mike Baxter: Hmm. Ask your mom.
- Vanessa Baxter: Mike, I'm not going to hit our daughter.
- Mike Baxter: You're darn right you're not. You'd end up face down on the ground with a knee in your back.
- Eve Baxter: Way to ruin the surprise, Dad.
- Kyle Anderson: Maybe I can just hang here in class with you?
- Mandy Baxter: Okay, I guess. Are you sure you won't be bored?
- Kyle Anderson: Are you kidding me? I love astronomy. Have you got into Capricorns yet?
- Mandy Baxter: Oh, this is *Intro* to Astronomy. I'm pretty sure they get to horoscopes *next* semester.
- Kyle Anderson: It's a good thing Capricorns are able to deal with crushing disappointment.
- Mike Baxter: I refuse to support any organization that makes its members wear certain clothes.
- [Eve walks in, wearing her ROTC uniform]
- Mike Baxter: Looking sharp, Eve!