Trainwreck (2015)

Bill Hader: Aaron

Photos 

8 more photos

Quotes 

• LeBron James : Do you know Cleveland is great for the whole family?

  Aaron : Yes, yes. Yes I do. You tell me that all the time. You randomly just text me that.

  LeBron James : Man, What's wrong with that?

  Aaron : It's just weird. It's weird.

  LeBron James : I got free texting.

• Amy : What am I doing? I slept at the doctor's place last night.

  Nikki : You never spend the night. What were you, blackout drunk?

  Amy : No, I had like two drinks... Three, max... Four, now that I'm tallying.

  Nikki : Cause you're on antibiotics or something?

  Amy : Oh my god, he's calling me.

  Nikki : Why would he call? You guys just had sex.

  Amy : [answers phone]  This is Amy. I think you butt dialed me.

  Aaron : No, I dialed you with my fingers.

  Amy : [to Nikki]  He called me on purpose.

  Nikki : Hang up! He's obviously like sick or something.

  Aaron : I was calling to say I had a really good time last night and was wondering if you wanted to, um, hang out again.

  Nikki : I'm going to call the police.

• Amy : I've been with a lot of guys.

  Aaron : I don't care!... How many?

  Amy : I don't know. How many girls have you slept with?

  Aaron : I've slept with three women.

  Amy : Me too. I have slept with three women too.

  Aaron : How many guys?

  Amy : What, like, this year?

• LeBron James : What I'm sayin' is you gotta go for it. You need to focus if you want to take it to the next level.

  Aaron : Right.

  LeBron James : You have to, like you have to give it everything you got if you want this one, man. It's like, when I lost the championship in 2011, I worked on my game twice as hard; worked on my post-up game, and we wound up winning the championship. Twice.

  Aaron : Yeah, yeah... I don't feel like that applies to me but I... I appreciate the... the thought.

  LeBron James : You gotta take a risk.

  Aaron : Yeah, no, you're right.

  LeBron James : You have to. It's like when I decided to go back to Cleveland. I wasn't totally sure they were going to welcome me back, man. But they did. They welcomed me back with open arms and an open heart.

  Aaron : Yeah, they did... Again, I feel like that applies more to you... um... like I don't even live in Cleveland... but again, I appreciate the thought.

• Aaron : Do you follow sports?

  Amy : Oh, my God. Sports? I love them.

  Aaron : Who are your favorite teams?

  Amy : The, uh... I like smaller teams, like the... not the big leagues. I like the... like, um... Long Island Mediums. The... the Acorn Pine Cones.

  Aaron : Haven't heard of them.

  Amy : The Fire Island Penguins. I like the Cincinnati Thunder-Wizards.

  Aaron : You can stop.

  Amy : The Orlando... Blooms?

  Aaron : You can stop. You don't follow sports.

  Amy : I'm sorry, I don't. I don't know anything about sports.

• LeBron James : When are you gonna come to Cleveland?

  Aaron : I'll... I'll come when I have the time. I just don't have the time right now. I'll come when I have the time. I've been really busy.

  LeBron James : You visit me in Miami all the time.

  Aaron : Yeah, but that's Miami.

  LeBron James : What's the difference between Miami and Cleveland? It's the same.

  Aaron : You're right. It's the same.

  LeBron James : Exactly.

• Aaron : You were really, really good!

  Amy : As it turns out, I am in terrible physical shape.

  Aaron : Yeah, I saw that.

  Amy : Could you see that?

  Aaron : Yeah.

  Amy : I am sweating more than I am proud of.

• Aaron : Honey. You okay?

  Amy : Did I get it?

  Aaron : Did you get the basket?

  Amy : Did it go in?

  Aaron : Oh, of course not. You didn't get enough height.

  Amy : No?

  Aaron : No.

  Amy : I thought I got a lot of height.

  Aaron : No, no. Zero height.

  Amy : No height, huh?

  Aaron : Usually when people hit trampolines they go high, but, for some reason, you went down. You went straight down. Hard!

• LeBron James : Okay, so you had the salmon. That's about $14...

  Aaron : What're you doing man?

  LeBron James : ...you had two Cokes.

  Aaron : Dude, are you trying to split the bill?

  LeBron James : Look, I told you those refills weren't free.

  Aaron : No, no, no, no. We're not splitting the bill. Pick up the check.

  LeBron James : Why do I have to pick up the check?

  Aaron : Because you're LeBron James.

  LeBron James : Listen, don't look at me differently because now I have a little money. I don't know how long this could last. Anything could happen. I'm not about to end up like M.C.Hammer. Listen, you owe $32.43.

  Aaron : [Taking out his wallet]  You know what? I'll pay it but you gotta pick up a check every once in awhile.

  LeBron James : No, no. Don't pay the whole thing, just pay your part. It's better for our friendship. Equals forever.

  Aaron : All right, all right. Fine, I'll put my credit card in. Put a credit card in, we'll split it.

  LeBron James : Okay, that's what I'm talking about...

  [Patting his pockets for his wallet] 

  LeBron James : I think I left my wallet in the car.

  Aaron : [sighing]  Fuck you.