Unforgettable (TV Series)
East of Islip (2014)
Jane Curtin: Joanne Webster
Quotes
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Carrie Wells : Hey, Jo.
Joanne Webster : So, I hear your victim's at some local morgue out there. I thought I'd come out and give you a hand.
Carrie Wells : Oh, no, Jo, uh, Al and I have got it. Don't-don't ruin your weekend.
Joanne Webster : Carrie, you have no idea about these rural coroners. I've heard of some morgues doubling as feed stores.
Carrie Wells : Jo, it's the Hamptons, not Kansas, okay?
Joanne Webster : How's the weather?
Carrie Wells : Uh... the weather's great. It's nice. Jo, you don't need to come all the way out here.
Joanne Webster : I'm telling you, it is not a problem.
Carrie Wells : Yeah, I'm getting the sense that it's not.
Joanne Webster : Oh, let me ask. How's the house?
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Dr. Theodore Blumer : [holding a starfish] Hey, Dr. Webster. Bet you don't encounter many of these in your neck of the woods.
Joanne Webster : Can't say I do. Call me Jo.
Dr. Theodore Blumer : Yeah, Theodore Blumer. Ted. "And my boy, Joel, who knew the stars, he used to say it took millions of years for that speck o' light to git to the earth."
Joanne Webster : First time I've Thornton Wilder recited at an autopsy.
Dr. Theodore Blumer : Yeah, well, we're doing "Our Town" at the Village Playhouse.
Joanne Webster : Let me guess, you're playing the Stage Manager?
Dr. Theodore Blumer : I wish. Doc Gibbs. I had the lab coat.
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Joanne Webster : Boy, it looks like she's been in the water a long time.
Dr. Theodore Blumer : Well, judging by the decomposition, I would say a couple of days, but she was dead before she ever hit the drink.
Joanne Webster : How'd you reach that conclusion?
Dr. Theodore Blumer : Well, there wasn't a drop of water in her lungs. And besides, there's this.
Joanne Webster : [seeing what he indicates] Oh. Penetrating wound to the brachial artery. You're thinking exsanguination.
Dr. Theodore Blumer : Certainly not the M.O. of the Long Island Serial Killer. He strangles his victims.
Joanne Webster : Oh, you're familiar with those cases.
Dr. Theodore Blumer : I should be. I autopsied seven of them.
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Dr. Theodore Blumer : Judging from the wound, the murder weapon is approximately three inches long with rather dull edges.
Joanne Webster : You're very thorough.
Dr. Theodore Blumer : For a country coroner. What were you expecting? A potato farmer?
Joanne Webster : No, actually, a feed store operator.
Dr. Theodore Blumer : Oh. I was expecting a condescending elitist from the city.
Joanne Webster : Well, now that we've got that straightened out, let's get to work, shall we?
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Dr. Theodore Blumer : Liver tests that we ran on previous victims of the killer showed a high alcohol content. But her blood alcohol was .016. That's a glass of wine at dinner.
Joanne Webster : Any idea what dinner was, or where?
Dr. Theodore Blumer : Unfortunately, the critters devoured her stomach contents. Few people realize that starfish are carnivorous. We're gonna have to perform a necropsy if we're gonna learn what she had for dinner.
Joanne Webster : Are you serious? You're gonna do an autopsy on a starfish?
Dr. Theodore Blumer : Welcome to the seashore.
Joanne Webster : [excited] Oh, man.
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Carrie Wells : Hey, Jo.
Joanne Webster : Oh, listen, I e-mailed you some autopsy photos.
Carrie Wells : Hang on, I'm gonna put you on speaker. Al's here.
Joanne Webster : We're on speaker.
Dr. Theodore Blumer : Ah.
Joanne Webster : I'm here with Dr. Blumer, the Southampton medical examiner. It was definitely a homicide. The victim bled out from a stab wound.
Dr. Theodore Blumer : We found ligature marks on her wrists. It looks like she was tied with rope and then weighed down with something.
Joanne Webster : [covering the mouthpiece] That's what a ligature is.
Dr. Theodore Blumer : I know. I'm telling them.
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Joanne Webster : We believe the victim's last meal included caviar, and based on the roe, a very special kind of caviar. Volga Reserve Ossetra. Starts at $532 an ounce.
Al Burns : Can't be too many places serving that, even around here.
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Carrie Wells : Dr. Blumer, uh, do you know of a family around here by the name of Mortimer?
Dr. Theodore Blumer : Uh, yes, George Mortimer. He has a place on Further Lane.
Carrie Wells : What do you know about him?
Dr. Theodore Blumer : He's rich. Old money. Uh, besides that, just, you know, what you hear. Fast boats, fast cars, fast horses. His daughter is getting married, I think.
Joanne Webster : Huh.
Dr. Theodore Blumer : Oh, did I mention he's rich?
Joanne Webster : Carrie, it doesn't sound as though our victim kept that kind of company.
Carrie Wells : Well, she did the night she died.
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Joanne Webster : So, I went over the serial killer case files with Dr. Blumer. And the previous victims were all strangled and partially dismembered. Frankly, this case does not fit the bill.
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Carrie Wells : What is it with you and this Blumer guy? Every time you talk about him, you get this weird little smile on your face.
Joanne Webster : Oh, no. I just find him interesting, that's all. I mean, he's actually doing a play at the local theater. How many coroners do you know...
Carrie Wells : See, right there.
Joanne Webster : What?
Carrie Wells : There it is, there it is. This weird little smile on your face.