- Ray Wentworth: No, I am a cynic.
- Gundy: No, I am a cynic. You are cynical. There is a difference. I never believed in the first place, but you, you wake up every morning disappointed to find the world the way it is, because you are a dreamer. Write the card, Raymond.
- Detective Miller: Every time I forget to give one of your mushy-ass cards to my girl, I get cut off for a month.
- Ray Wentworth: Perhaps if you were well-endowed, you wouldn't need one of my cards.
- Ray Wentworth: Don't be fooled, intern. Novels are for people who can't edit themselves. Cards are still the ultimate challenge.
- Sonnyboy: I spent two years in a maximum security prison for a hate crime I did not commit.
- Betcher: It was planned as a hate crime.
- Sonnyboy: I couldn't get that fucking cross into the ground. It's a lot tougher than it looks. Besides, hating a whole race of folks, now that's an awful lot of work.
- Ray Wentworth: [sitting squeezed between them] So you don't hate anyone now? So, who do you hate now?
- Sonnyboy: Elitists!
- Denny: [being pushed on the swing] Why is that woman crying?
- Ray Wentworth: Who can say? Probably a love thing.
- Denny: Do you love anybody?
- Ray Wentworth: Maybe. You?
- Denny: I love trucks.
- Ray Wentworth: Consider yourself lucky. Trucks never leave you.
- Denny: But they break down all the time. That's what my uncle says. Except he says they break down all the damn time.
- Ray Wentworth: I think I'm... unstuck. You unstuck me.
- Jill: Yay!
- Ray Wentworth: Hooray. I'm feeling... feelings. Last couple of years, I've been... looking for those feelings, and, uh... feelings have been like... "Quick, Ray's coming! Hide!"
- Ray Wentworth: [sitting in break room] Yeah, I'm a writer. Cards. Greetings. Uh... romantic ones. So, yeah, I'm a poet, if you've got to label me.' 'Cause women, they love poets. I mean... I could see her pupils dilate. I had her hooked. Then she asked, "Well, if you're so famous, what have you written?" I just shrugged, then I said, "Only the top Valentine's Day card for the last three years in a row."
- [colleagues chuckle]