Family Guy (TV Series)

Chris Cross (2013)

Alex Borstein: Lois Griffin, Georgia O'Keeffe

Quotes 

• Chris Griffin : Mom, Dad, I need to get new sneakers.

  Lois Griffin : What? I just bought you new sneakers.

  Chris Griffin : I know, but I need cooler ones.

  Peter Griffin : Shut up and stop complaining. When I was your age, I didn't even have sneakers. We wore stale hamburger buns.

  Lois Griffin : No, you didn't, Peter.

  Peter Griffin : Shh, he doesn't know that. He's just a dumb, fat loser. Did you see his shoes?

  Lois Griffin : Look, Chris, I'm sorry, but money's tight right now.

  Peter Griffin : Yeah, I even had to take a second job as a door-to-door vacuum salesman.

  [cut to him in a potential customer's house] 

  Peter Griffin : This thing can pick up anything. Here's a little demonstration. I'll pour a little wine, rub in some feces, and to top it off, some mustard mixed with feces. Tough stain, right? Oh, crap, I forgot the vacuum.

• Lois Griffin : That was a fun birthday party, huh, Stewie?

  Stewie Griffin : That kid was Indian and 11 years old. Where are you finding my friends?

  Lois Griffin : Oh, someone's a little cranky. Here, let me put on the radio.

  Stewie Griffin : [a rap song plays]  Yech, this is awful.

  [switching stations] 

  Stewie Griffin : My God, who is this enchantress?

  Lois Griffin : Oh, isn't that cute? My little Stewie likes Anne Murray.

  Stewie Griffin : She sounds like an angel. It's like her voice is putting my entire body in her mouth.

  Lois Griffin : [he daydreams as the song continues, then ends]  You like that, Stewie? You like Anne Murray's music?

  Stewie Griffin : Do I? I've never known such happiness. This must be what it's like for you when you're buying potatoes or scraping your heels or smushing on makeup for a sad night out.

• Lois Griffin : Oh, hi, Meg. Could you tell Chris breakfast is ready?

  Meg Griffin : [covering up that he ran away]  Oh, um, I-I-I think he got up early. He, um, said something about a fat kid rally at Little Caesars.

  Lois Griffin : Huh, it's not like Chris to miss breakfast.

  Meg Griffin : Oh, don't worry, Mom. I... I'm sure he'll be home later.

  Peter Griffin : Well, I hope so. We were supposed to go to the library to wipe boogers in fancy books. I like to wipe mine in Bronte novels. It's like a time bomb to gross out lonely chicks.