- Major Monogram: Well, let's get down to brass tacks... or whatever it is tacks are made of these days.
- Phineas: So, Baljeet, how many subatomic particles do you suppose are in that dandelion?
- Baljeet: [weighing the dandelion in his hand] Hmm. Two point seven-three-two times ten to the 26th power of particles, but I could not tell you the exact location of any of them because of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle.
- Candace: I've got a perfect view of them from where I'm sitting. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about! I'm all up in their grill and they don't have a clue!
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It is a well-known fact that no politician can pass up kissing a baby for fear of alienating the electorate. This can be risky, though, because if a baby cries, you can alienate the electorate even worse than if you refused to kiss the baby in the first place.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You know, you could have waited till I put my pants on. That would have at least been polite, and do you know what we do to rude people around here? We put them in a water-soluable capsule. Ha-HAA! And there's not enough platypus spit in the world to get you out of it.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Keys! Keys! Keys! Master keys, skeleton keys, latch keys, skate keys... I love keys! And, you know, take it from me, once you've accidentally locked yourself in a milk can full of cockroaches for a couple hours, you'll... you'll develop a real appreciation.
- Baljeet: You see, the greatest impediment to making astronomical observations is our atmosphere. It is like looking through pea soup; so, to make our terrestrial telescopes more effective, I'm going to take all of the Earth's atmosphere and put it on the moon!
- Phineas: [shocked] Uh...
- Isabella: [stunned] I don't, uh...
- Buford: Sounds suffocatey.
- Baljeet: Ah, I will disintegrate THAT bridge when I come to it.