- Will McAvoy: Ideological purity. Compromise as weakness. A fundamentalist belief in scriptural literalism. Denying science. Unmoved by facts. Undeterred by new information. A hostile fear of progress. A demonization of education. A need to control women's bodies. Severe xenophobia. Tribal mentality. Intolerance of dissent. Pathological hatred of the U.S. government. They can call themselves the Tea Party. They can call themselves conservatives. And they can even call themselves Republicans, though Republicans certainly shouldn't. But we should call them what they are - The American Taliban.
- Will McAvoy: Sorority girl!
- MacKenzie McHale: [to Jennifer] Don't be scared.
- Will McAvoy: You're the girl, right?
- Jennifer Johnson: I'm Jennifer Johnson.
- Will McAvoy: Just graduated North Western?
- Jennifer Johnson: A year early.
- Will McAvoy: You asked me that moronic question... and then my world came apart, and she came here and I landed in the tabloids and then I got death threats and my job is constantly in jeopardy and you ruined my life!
- MacKenzie McHale: [to Jennifer] Again just stay calm.
- Jennifer Johnson: Yes, that was me.
- Will McAvoy: What the hell are you doing here?
- Jennifer Johnson: I'm applying for an internship.
- Will McAvoy: Why?
- Jennifer Johnson: I watch the show. And I read the New York magazine article, and I know what a "greater fool" is. And I want to be one.
- Will McAvoy: [to MacKenzie, smiling] Camelot. She's the kid at the end of Camelot!
- [Turns to Jennifer]
- Will McAvoy: Ask me again.
- Jennifer Johnson: I'm sorry?
- Will McAvoy: Ask me your idiot question again.
- Jennifer Johnson: What makes America the greatest country in the world?
- Will McAvoy: You do.
- [to MacKenzie]
- Will McAvoy: Hire her.
- Sloan Sabbith: Since I'm never going to see you again after Friday, I feel I can tell you something...
- Don Keefer: We'll see each other again!
- Sloan Sabbith: Maybe not, after I say what I'm going to say.
- Don Keefer: ...and you're not leaving.
- Sloan Sabbith: I don't know who told you you're a bad guy, but somebody did. Somebody along the way. Somebody or something convinced you of it, because you think you're a bad guy... and you're just not. I'm socially inept, but even I know that. So because you're a bad guy you try to do things you think a good guy would do. Like committing to somebody you like, but maybe don't love. A sweet, smart, wholesome midwestern girl.
- Don Keefer: [Stares at her, amazed]
- Sloan Sabbith: I could be wrong. I almost always am.
- Don Keefer: Why are you single?
- Sloan Sabbith: A lot of men are intimidated by my intelligence.
- Don Keefer: No, seriously.
- Sloan Sabbith: Because you never asked me out.
- Jim Harper: Does anyone know anything about "Sex in the City?"
- Tess Westin: The show or...?
- [pauses, embarrassed]
- Tess Westin: The show.
- "Sex And The City" Tour Guide: To your left is the famous brownstone where Carrie Bradshaw lived, loved and lost. Thanks to Carrie we all got to live the typical life of a single woman in New York City!
- Maggie Jordan: [who was just splashed by the tour bus as it pulled up] Hey! No you didn't! I'm a typical single woman in New York City! I don't wear heels to work because the typical woman's job doesn't exclusively involve gallery openings! And I know Carrie must've made boatloads writing her eight-hundred-word column for a newspaper no one's ever heard of, but I just spent my last seven dollars having a bite with my best friend, who, by the way, is not available at 3 PM on a Wednesday to console me about some guy because she, too, has a job! And mostly when you fall for a guy and he's going out with your best friend, it doesn't work out! Things get really bad!
- Sloan Sabbith: The greater fool is someone with the perfect blend of self-delusion and ego to think he can succeed where others have failed. This whole country was made by greater fools.
- Don Keefer: How would you want to be asked?
- Sloan Sabbith: To move in with a guy?
- Don Keefer: Yeah.
- Sloan Sabbith: By having the guy say, "Will you marry me?"
- MacKenzie McHale: And then I came back and lit a fire under your ass...
- Will McAvoy: You lit my ass on fire! It's not the same thing!
- Will McAvoy: What do you protect me for?
- Lonny Church: 1,700 a week, plus health and dental.
- Will McAvoy: I wouldn't take a bullet for 1,700 a week.
- Lonny Church: Me neither, pal. So I've learned how to duck.
- Will McAvoy: I don't think I'm coming back.
- [MacKenzie looks at him, stunned]
- Will McAvoy: I don't think I am.
- MacKenzie McHale: You're coming back if I have to chop you up, put you in a duffle bag, and reassemble you at the anchor desk.
- MacKenzie McHale: [while Will lies in a hospital bed, Jim reveals to them that Don is about to ask Maggie to move in with him. She scolds Jim for continuing to date Lisa rather than pursue a relationship with Maggie] You've got to do something before he asks her.
- Jim Harper: No!
- MacKenzie McHale: Why not?
- Will McAvoy: It doesn't seem like a very nice thing to do to Don or Maggie or Lisa.
- MacKenzie McHale: So you're willing to end up like the two of us? A strong, beautiful, vital woman and a hallowed-out shell of a man.
- Will McAvoy: [to MacKenzie] You know I'm awake now?
- MacKenzie McHale: [to Jim] That's a dead person speaking, basically. And now I'm gonna have to spend the next God knows how many hours in mourning.
- Will McAvoy: Please go back to work.
- MacKenzie McHale: He will.
- Will McAvoy: [to MacKenzie] I'm talking to you.
- [Maggie brings pages to Bill as "Baba O'Riley" plays over the scenes]
- Roger Daltrey: Teenage wasteland / It's only teenage wasteland
- Maggie Jordan: John Adams.
- Roger Daltrey: Teenage wasteland, oh, yeah
- Maggie Jordan: Thomas Jefferson.
- Roger Daltrey: Teenage wasteland
- Maggie Jordan: James Madison.
- Roger Daltrey: They're all wasted!
- Maggie Jordan: George Washington.