Last Tango in Halifax (TV Series)

Episode #1.3 (2012)

Anne Reid: Celia

Quotes 

• [Celia and Alan are talking to the vicar about getting married in church] 

  Vicar : You're both regular churchgoers, obviously?

  [silence, as Celia and Alan look at each other] 

  Celia : Well, we have been in the past.

  Vicar : So, you're not regular churchgoers now?

  Alan : Not... no.

  Vicar : When did you last go to church?

  Alan : Er... Christmas. 19... oh, er... 77.

  Vicar : [sighs]  What about you, Mrs Dawson?

  Celia : About the same.

  Vicar : So why do you want God's blessing, if you don't go to church? I'm just interested.

  Alan : We thought he might like the trade.

• [Celia and Alan are having a discussion about politics. Celia is rather surprised to find that Alan's views are more left-wing than hers] 

  Alan : You're going to tell me next you voted for Margaret Thatcher.

  Celia : Well, you can't have like Michael Foot? In his anorak at the Cenotaph?

  Alan : A very intelligent man, Michael Foot.

  Celia : Oh, he can't have been that intelligent or he wouldn't have gone round looking like a scarecrow. I didn't dislike Tony Blair.

  Alan : [groans]  Oh!

  Celia : Until he muckied his ticket in Iraq.

  Alan : Now, Gordon Brown. There's a much-maligned man.

  Celia : [scoffing]  Gordon Brown? Trying to get everybody to like him, with his phoney grin? And he's Scottish.

  Alan : Now, there's an unassailable political argument!

  Celia : Well, it hardly needs pointing out he buggered up the economy.

  Alan : No, he didn't. He did not. He had vision.

  Celia : Oh God. I can see this is a subject we're going to have to avoid.

  Alan : No, don't worry. I'll teach you.

  Celia : You damn well won't.

  Alan : Yeah, we'll buy you a copy of the Guardian.

  Celia : You can keep your Guardian.

  Alan : I thought I spotted a Daily Mail lurking in your recycling bin.

  Celia : What's wrong with the Daily Mail.

  Alan : What's wrong with it? What's right with it?

  Celia : Do you know, I'd never have had you down for red-hot Labour. I thought you had more about you.

  Alan : Do you know the good thing about David Cameron is that even *he* knows he's an arse! Every time he opens his mouth, you can see him thinking "I was born an arse. I'll die an arse. But at least I *know* I'm an arse."