- Caroline Channing: [to a customer] Hi. Sorry. We're out of Muenster.
- Cheese Guy: Seriously, dude? I wanted Muenster.
- Caroline Channing: Sorry. We have swiss, cheddar, and American.
- Cheese Guy: Uh, I hate cheddar and swiss blows.
- Caroline Channing: Well, then American?
- Cheese Guy: American cheese? What am I, in grade school?
- Max Black: [Butting in] Yeah. Go to the principal's office. I can't have another idiot up my ass right now. It's at capacity.
- Caroline Channing: Max, I got this.
- [to customer, cheerfully]
- Caroline Channing: Would you like to look at the menu again?
- Cheese Guy: This is crap, okay. I wanted Muenster.
- Caroline Channing: [Mostly sarcastically] Well I wanted to be running a Fortune 500 company instead of waiting on a toxic man-child like yourself, but, we can't always get what we want, so order something else, put it in your pie-hole, and get on with your damn life!
- [Walks away from him and up to Max]
- Max Black: Welcome to "waitress". We've been expecting you.
- [She walks away like a giddy school girl]
- Oleg: [to Han, who is squeamish about even saying the word "tampon", even though he tripled the price on them and everybody is railing against it] C'mon, say it. Tampon, tampon, tampon. What's the big deal? In Ukraine, there are pop songs about it.
- [sings]
- Oleg: She's so dirty, she's so grouchy.
- [Then beatboxes for six notes, ends it with the table bell, then jokingly flashes a gang symbol and walks away]
- Oleg: [after Max gave a quarter to a customer to go buy a tampon in the ladies room] I couldn't help but over hear. I have a tampon.
- Caroline Channing: Oleg, why would *you* have a tampon?
- Oleg: Same reason I carry a lighter even though I don't smoke. Feels good to be the hero.
- Max Black: [after Caroline put an order in for a hamburger with muenster cheese] We're all out of muenster.
- Caroline Channing: Oh? Since when?
- Max Black: Well, the diner opened in '82, so '82.
- Max Black: [chastising Han for tripling the price on the tampon vending machine] You thought Occupy Wall Street was something, wait till you see Occupy Tampon!
- Caroline Channing: We only protest once a month, but it's an intense five to seven days.
- Max Black: [to Han] Well, well, look who's here - if it isn't Everything Wrong With Today's Economy in a boy's v-neck sweater!
- Max Black: [to Caroline] The fact that you're more worried about your coupons than your hair shows how far you've fallen.