- Stewart Pearson: Ah, Peter! Getting the old adrenaline pumping, eh? Assuming it can squeeze past the port and stilton.
- Peter Mannion: Shut the fuck up, you prancing shit!
- Adam Kenyon: [to Glenn] Hey! 2,000-year old man! Why the FUCK did you send the whole email? Huh? You were supposed to redact it! Send the top email, not the whole fucking exchange! Jesus Christ on a crystal meth binge!
- Glenn Cullen: Terri and I sent what you gave me.
- Adam Kenyon: [in disbelief] Terri? Why the fuc - THE ONLY REASON I'D EVER ASK TERRI FOR HELP IS - IS TO SHOOT ME IF I EVER ASKED TERRI FOR HELP!
- Glenn Cullen: Same reason you gave it to me. Distance. Two people, twice the distance!
- Fergus Williams: BUT TERRI DOESN'T GIVE US ANY DISTANCE! TERRI GIVE ME A TWITCH!
- [points to his eye]
- Fergus Williams: RIGHT HERE! Yeah, laugh it up, Glenn, BUT I'VE GOT A TWITCH CALLED TERRI!
- Terri Coverley: [angrily, from behind a book shelf] I am actually here, you know!
- Fergus Williams: Yeah! And that, in a nutshell, is the whole fucking problem!
- [Fergus storms off, Adam follows]
- Adam Kenyon: [singsong] Fuck you very much.
- [to the bewildered carers, who have witnessed the entire exchange]
- Adam Kenyon: Five minutes, guys.
- Malcolm Tucker: [to Nicola] You are not a grandee, you are a fucking "blandee". No-one knew what the fuck you stood for. Political fucking mist, no substance, no weight. You've got all the charm of a rotting teddy bear by a graveside. And by the way, women fucking hate you. I can show you the polling. They think you come across like a jittery mother at a wedding. The best thing you ever did in your flat-lining non-leadership was call for an inquiry, because it will fuck the government and it will fuck you. Now, please, just fuck off back to your home, you headless frump, and prepare for your column in Grazia.
- Stewart Pearson: In the time it's taken for Terri to extract herself from her Bluetooth, this little inquiry has fused! It is now growing faster than the speed of bloody light! It's not going to be something we can see from space, it's going to be space! Brian Cox is gonna phone me and ask for the film rights!
- Peter Mannion: BUT WHAT LEAK? WHAT LEAK? WHAT FUCKING LEAK?
- Stewart Pearson: ANYTHING! If I find out that anyone from here has leaked anything, I will make sure they have to emigrate after this to a country where the don't speak English, and there's no Internet!
- Peter Mannion: But everyone leaked that anything, that would fill the fucking Caspian Sea! We're just a drop in the ocean here!
- Stewart Pearson: No! No! What you are Peter is Leak Zero! It started here! You have presided over a shambolic showering of info! Peter Mannion, 'Singing in the Rain'!
- Fergus Williams: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
- Adam Kenyon: [restraining Fergus] Alright, Fergus.
- [calmly]
- Adam Kenyon: What the fuck is going on?
- Phil Smith: The Ark has been opened, and your face is gonna melt!
- Emma Messinger: There's going to be an inquiry!
- Malcolm Tucker: Leaking is a fundamental part of our Governmental system! Do you know what happens if a government can't leak? Dark shit builds up. And then... it bursts.
- Malcolm Tucker: When this inquiry lands, you better have developed a very flat stony face with no expression. But that'll be easy for you, it's your fucking cum face, isn't it?