The Comedy (2012)

Kate Lyn Sheil: Waitress

Photos 

Quotes 

• Waitress : Do you have those clean glasses?

  Swanson : [doesn't answer, looks her up and down] 

  Waitress : ...I'm sorry, are you deaf?

  Swanson : [covering his nose]  Oh, God, your fucking breath, it smells like this dirty, this, oh-I can't tell if it's the trash here, or your breath.

  Waitress : There was something I was meaning to ask you, have you tried using the dish soap to clean out your asshole?

  Swanson : Yeah, I use it all the time.

  Waitress : Because you stink.

  Swanson : [gesturing to the sink]  I actually, this is where I shower, I shower, I put my head in here...

  Waitress : Oh really, you can fit in there?

  Swanson : Yeah. Oh you know what Rodrigo was asking me about, uh, making some bread, and I guess they're out of yeast, so they were wondering if they could use, uh, some of the yeast from your vagina, 'cause I notice how infected it gets?

  Waitress : Yeah, he spoke to me about that, and I directed him to, uh, ask you about your dick cheese. See if that would maybe help.

  Swanson : Oh, wow. So good, so funny! You're so funny!

  Waitress : You are! You are!

  Swanson : I didn't realize you were so funny!

  Waitress : I didn't realize you were!

  Swanson : ...you know I'm a convicted rapist, right? They told you that?

  Waitress : No.

  Swanson : Oh really, I thought they were supposed to let all the employees know about that.

  Waitress : No, they didn't tell me.

  Swanson : Yeah, I rape anything I can get my hands on. Alright?

  Waitress : Mm-hm.

  Swanson : [getting the glasses]  Are these for you?

  Waitress : Thank you.

  Swanson : Okay, great, good luck!

  Waitress : Bye, bye!