Community (TV Series)
Regional Holiday Music (2011)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
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Abed Nadir : Britta.
Britta Perry : [gasps] Is this about regionals?
Abed Nadir : I just talked to Cory, and he needs you to be the mouse king instead of me.
Britta Perry : Me? But I'm supposed to be a mute tree.
Abed Nadir : It's an emergency.
Britta Perry : Hmm?
Abed Nadir : This will help us get to regionals!
Britta Perry : I knew it! Wait, what are the lyrics?
Abed Nadir : They're in your heart, Britta.
Britta Perry : Right. Duh doy!
Annie Edison , Troy Barnes , Jeff Winger , Pierce Hawthorne , Shirley Bennett : [singing in unison] we are everyone, and we are everything
Britta Perry : [Britta comes out on stage singing poorly] Christmas time!
Cory Radison : What the...?
Dean Pelton : Oh, Britta's in this?
Britta Perry : [stomping her feet off-time] I got a Christmas time for me / I got a Christmas time for a tree
Cory Radison : No! She's ruining it!
Britta Perry : Christmas / Christmas time / me so Christmas, me so merry
Cory Radison : [charges the stage] No, stop, stop, stop, stop! What are you doing? Get off the stage!
Britta Perry : [speaking] I'm singing my heart's song.
Cory Radison : Get off the stage, and never sing again! You are the worst!
Jeff Winger : Hey!
Troy Barnes : You do not get to call Britta "the worst!"
Audience : Yeah! Let her finish!
Dean Pelton : Mr. Radison, I think it's fine. I know Greendale is an all-inclusive school. Why don't we let Britta sing her awkward song?
Audience : Yeah!
[cheering]
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Annie Edison : I feel like we let Mr. Rad down.
Jeff Winger : No, he let himself down by coming in this morning wearing a sweater vest.
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Troy Barnes : [about when they substituted for the glee club] It's all a weird, happy, musical fog.
Britta Perry : Yeah, it was almost like being on ecstasy, only instead of having pointless conversations and dancing like idiots... wait. It was exactly like being on ecstasy!
Jeff Winger : That's what worries me about this guy. He is equal parts Hanson and Manson. Nobody let him corner you until he is out of recruitment mode, or next thing you know, we'll all be caring about Christmas pageants and... regionals.
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Jeff Winger : Glee club, meet ASCAP, protecting music copyright since 1914. It seems they received an anonymous tip that someone was performing unlicensed material without the composer's consent. Merry Christmas, everybody. Glee club has become history club.
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Annie Edison : Wow. They found a way to make the human being even creepier. Covering him in icicles.
Shirley Bennett : I think it's festive.
Jeff Winger : Yeah, my favorite Christmas tradition is trimming the hellraiser.
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Jeff Winger : What did he just say? Did Mr. Radison kill the glee club?
Dean Pelton : And to think I trusted him enough to let him ride on a magic carpet in my dreams.
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Cory Radison : [to Britta] Get off the stage and never sing again! You are the worst!
Jeff Winger : Hey!
Troy Barnes : You do not get to call Britta the worst!
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Jeff Winger : I think what we've learned, Abed, is that attempts to make the holidays brighter tend to give them a certain darkness.
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Troy Barnes : This guy's like human froyo.
Cory Radison : Look, when the last glee club died in that bus crash, you guys stepped up. And you were the best gosh darn emergency substitutes I've ever worked with.
Shirley Bennett : Aw!
Cory Radison : Well, this time... I'm not gonna kid you. I won't be easy.
Dean Pelton : Oh.
Cory Radison : Your best... won't be good enough. And ten times your best will be so bad, I will yell at you. But I promise, if we dig down...
Jeff Winger : Pass.
Troy Barnes , Shirley Bennett , Annie Edison , Pierce Hawthorne , Britta Perry , Abed Nadir : [in unison] Yeah.
Cory Radison : Okay.
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Jeff Winger : Oh, stop it! Not liking glee club doesn't make us bullies, and implying that is reverse bullying.
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Jeff Winger : Annie, you too? This is beneath you. You are an intelligent woman. Also, you're Jewish!
Annie Edison : [Flirtatiously] I guess I have a lot to learn about holiday tradition.
[Upbeat piano tune]
Annie Edison : [Betty Boop voice singing] Teach me how to understand Christmas / show me how to open a box / it hurts my little head / when I'm lying in my bed / with visions of sugarplum socks
Jeff Winger : Is this a bit?
Annie Edison : Teach me how to understand Christmas / do I trim the tree / or the deer? / I can't keep it straight / and now it's getting late / where does the stocking go? / Here?
[speaking voice]
Annie Edison : I can't see!
[Betty Boop voice singing]
Annie Edison : What's a Christmas Eve? / is that Santa's lady? / are snowmen cold or hot? / won't you be my daddy? / I'm a silly Christmas baby / tell me what to deck /
[Giggles]
Annie Edison : 'cause I forgot
Jeff Winger : Annie.
Annie Edison : Ooh! "Bwain" hurt-y, understand-y "cwistmas" / mistletoe for eat-y, taste good?" / You smarty, me dumb / help "pwetty" have fun / boopy doopy doop boop / sex
[cymbal strike]
Jeff Winger : Look, eventually, you hit a point of diminishing returns on the sexiness.
Annie Edison : What's a dimin...
[gibberish]
Annie Edison : ?
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Jeff Winger : And it's all thanks to you, Mr. Rad. I just hope we can repay you by making regionals.
[brainwashed smile creases Jeff's face]
Pierce Hawthorne : Uh, I thought this was regionals.
