Holliston (TV Series)

The Hooker: Part 1 (2012)

Adam Green: Adam

Quotes 

• Laura : Last night's show was balls.

  [Off of Adam and Joe's disappointed looks] 

  Laura : It was funny.

  Joe : Oh, then you mean tits. Tits are good. Balls are bad.

  Adam : Wicked bad.

• Adam : I told you she was coming back! This is the greatest day of my life-

  [suddenly noticing Laura's painting] 

  Adam : -that looks like an aborted clown fetus.

  Laura : It is.

  Adam : Ick.

• Joe : At least you get paid well. We get paid dick shooting commercials for Crazy Max's Discount Mart.

  Adam : It's a good kind of dick though.

• Corri : The Shocker remake is playing at the Framingham 14. That's the one where they kill the guy with electricity but it's also the...

  Adam : -Yeah, no. Not feeling so good.

  Corri : What's wrong?

  Adam : You wouldn't understand.

  Corri : Adam. I'm a nurse. I'll understand.

  Adam : Not this.

  Corri : Do you have loose stool?

  Adam : Do I- what? Ew! No! No, I don't have... stool! What the hell was that?

  Corri : You ran off to the bathroom so fast, I don't know!

• Corri : And we'll see you tomorrow night. Seven?

  Adam : Seven sounds tits.

  Laura : Tits are good.

• Joe : I thought there was a whole comedy time passage clause with tragic events.

  Adam : A time passage clause?

  Joe : Yeah, like for example the Challenger Space Shuttle explosion. 1986-87, not funny. Now...?

  [Off of Adam's look] 

  Joe : What, still too soon?

  Adam : Too soon!

• Adam : [Crying and cutting his chest in the mirror with a straight razor]  You're bad at sex! You're bad! You're bad at sex! Bad!

• Adam : [Crying and cutting his chest in the mirror with a straight razor]  You're bad at love! You're so bad! You're bad at love! Bad!

• Lance Rockett : I still can't believe anyone tunes in for your horror movie garbage.

  Adam : People are tuning in?

  Lance Rockett : No. But it's a good test for when I launch my own show; Lance Rockett's Cock Rock and Metal Hour! All hair metal...

  [Points to Adam] 

  Adam : All hour long?

  Lance Rockett : You get it.

• Joe : Wait, I didn't know you were dating someone.

  Lance Rockett : We met at my band's last show. Or should I say, we met back stage at my band's last show.

  Adam : The VFW Hall has a backstage?

  Lance Rockett : They've got a bathroom.

  [Licks the air between his fingers] 

• Adam : I can't date a girl if she's never seen Gremlins. She doesn't even know the three rules. It's dangerous.

• Joe : Christ, Axl!

  Adam : What?

  Joe : Your cat crapped behind the couch again.

  Adam : He just hasn't figured out the litter box yet.

  Joe : He's seven.

  Adam : He's getting it.

  Joe : He craps everywhere but the litter box. Stupid creature.

  Adam : Hey, he's not stupid. He's retarded. The vet said he's got Feline Down's Syndrome.

  Joe : All I'm saying is, plastic bag, pool at my Dad's house, done!

• Kevin : The Exorcist is my favorite movie of all time.

  Adam : Thank you.

• Joe : Did you just think about scanning me?

  Adam : No.

  Joe : Yes! Yes you did! You totally just pulled a scanners on me you dick!

• Oderus Urungus : Adam, on my planet there is only one solution for a predicament like this. Like I always say, when love isn't going your way... pay for it.

  Adam : What, you mean like get an escort?

  Oderus Urungus : No, no, not an escort! Get a hooker. This way the sex is guaranteed.

• Joe : Dude, dude! So glad I found you! We need to get back to the apartment right away!

  Adam : Why? What's wrong?

  Joe : The cat's wicked depressed.

  Adam : Sounds serious. Let's go!

  Corri : Sit.

  Adam : [after he and Joe abruptly sit back down]  The cat's wicked depressed?

  Joe : [Whispered]  Whaat?

• Adam : This sucks. This sucks worse than the Halloween when I threw up in my mask.

• Corri : Well Adam, tell me about your girlfriend?

  Adam : Deanna? Oh she's great. She's so great. She's sort of like you just like... better? We um, we met at a charity function that she was putting on for... children with... bad cancer.

  Joe : Bad cancer?

  Adam : Wicked bad.

  Corri : Aw, so she does charity work?

  Adam : Yeah.

  Joe : Dude, I thought you and Deanna were...

  Adam : -were probably gonna get married some day? Pffft! That's so weird, see, that's what everyone says

  [nudging Laura] 

  Adam : right?

  Laura : Huh?

  Adam : Yeah, see? It's just like people look at us and we just like exude total happiness and forever. You know, like you look at you guys and... not so much, I'm seeing maybe two maybe three months tops or whatever, but you look at us and it's like a permanent forever type thing, you know? And I'm gonna marry a girl...

  [tears in his eyes] 

  Adam : and it's not gonna be you.

  Corri : Well I can't wait to meet her.

  Adam : Maybe some day.

• Adam : [to Corri]  I love you. I loved you when we were little kids. I'm still in love with you now. And I will always be in love with you.

• Deanna : Who's this?

  Corri : Um. Who are you?

  Deanna : I'm Deanna.

  Adam : Whaaaat?

  Deanna : I'm his ex-girlfriend.

  Adam : No you're not. Go away random girl!

  Deanna : You know what, it's fine. You can have him. He cries during sex anyway.

  [She spills a drink in Adam's lap] 

  Corri : Alright, what's going on here?

  Adam : That's what I want to know!