Holliston (TV Series)

The Hooker: Part 1 (2012)

Joe Lynch: Joe

Quotes 

• Laura : Last night's show was balls.

  [Off of Adam and Joe's disappointed looks] 

  Laura : It was funny.

  Joe : Oh, then you mean tits. Tits are good. Balls are bad.

  Adam : Wicked bad.

• Joe : At least you get paid well. We get paid dick shooting commercials for Crazy Max's Discount Mart.

  Adam : It's a good kind of dick though.

• Joe : I thought there was a whole comedy time passage clause with tragic events.

  Adam : A time passage clause?

  Joe : Yeah, like for example the Challenger Space Shuttle explosion. 1986-87, not funny. Now...?

  [Off of Adam's look] 

  Joe : What, still too soon?

  Adam : Too soon!

• Joe : Wait, I didn't know you were dating someone.

  Lance Rockett : We met at my band's last show. Or should I say, we met back stage at my band's last show.

  Adam : The VFW Hall has a backstage?

  Lance Rockett : They've got a bathroom.

  [Licks the air between his fingers] 

• Joe : Christ, Axl!

  Adam : What?

  Joe : Your cat crapped behind the couch again.

  Adam : He just hasn't figured out the litter box yet.

  Joe : He's seven.

  Adam : He's getting it.

  Joe : He craps everywhere but the litter box. Stupid creature.

  Adam : Hey, he's not stupid. He's retarded. The vet said he's got Feline Down's Syndrome.

  Joe : All I'm saying is, plastic bag, pool at my Dad's house, done!

• Joe : Old high school girlfriends don't come back. They go off to college and they sleep with football teams.

• Joe : Did you just think about scanning me?

  Adam : No.

  Joe : Yes! Yes you did! You totally just pulled a scanners on me you dick!

• Joe : Dude, dude! So glad I found you! We need to get back to the apartment right away!

  Adam : Why? What's wrong?

  Joe : The cat's wicked depressed.

  Adam : Sounds serious. Let's go!

  Corri : Sit.

  Adam : [after he and Joe abruptly sit back down]  The cat's wicked depressed?

  Joe : [Whispered]  Whaat?

• Corri : Well Adam, tell me about your girlfriend?

  Adam : Deanna? Oh she's great. She's so great. She's sort of like you just like... better? We um, we met at a charity function that she was putting on for... children with... bad cancer.

  Joe : Bad cancer?

  Adam : Wicked bad.

  Corri : Aw, so she does charity work?

  Adam : Yeah.

  Joe : Dude, I thought you and Deanna were...

  Adam : -were probably gonna get married some day? Pffft! That's so weird, see, that's what everyone says

  [nudging Laura] 

  Adam : right?

  Laura : Huh?

  Adam : Yeah, see? It's just like people look at us and we just like exude total happiness and forever. You know, like you look at you guys and... not so much, I'm seeing maybe two maybe three months tops or whatever, but you look at us and it's like a permanent forever type thing, you know? And I'm gonna marry a girl...

  [tears in his eyes] 

  Adam : and it's not gonna be you.

  Corri : Well I can't wait to meet her.

  Adam : Maybe some day.

• Sarah : More coffee?

  Joe : I think I'll have another cup!

• Joe : Someday soon we'll be saying hello Hollywood and goodbye Holliston.

  Excited Audience Member : Woo! They said "Holliston", the name of the show AND the town!