- Angel Ortiz: Oh my God, you're just like everybody else. You think I can't keep a secret!
- Connie Standish: Yeah, I know you can't. Otherwise I would have thoroughly enjoyed The Sixth Sense.
- [Lee walks into a surprise party]
- Lee Standish: I don't remember making the happy mistake of telling anyone when my birthday was.
- Kristin: Really, you don't remember? We were at lunch and I asked you what your sign was, and you said you didn't know, and I said, "You're the weirdest girl ever!" And you said, "I could show you something that would make you think I'm even weirder," and then I laughed, confused but charmed, and asked you when your birthday was - and you told me!
- Lee Standish: Oh gosh, and I'm so glad I did. Cuz look what it led to: landfill full of birthday crap.
- Vanessa: Let me just say on behalf of Coreco that we welcome women forty and over. We find that they bring experience and maturity to the workplace and we enjoy hiring them for those reasons and not because of any lawsuits you may have heard about.
- Lee Standish: Well, how sweet.
- Vanessa: Now, if you'll excuse me, my lawyers would want me to remove myself from this age-related conversation.
- Kelly: You know, if your cramps are bad you should take an Andivia. It's our new pain killer. Studies have shown it works really well with a hot bath... and another Andivia.
- [Connie throws a surprise 40th birthday party for Lee]
- Connie Standish: Where the hell is Lee? He should be here by now.
- Brian: I know, this is really messin' me up.
- Connie Standish: I'm sorry, messing you up?
- Brian: Yeah, I've been timing my alcohol intake. He was supposed to arrive at jolly and convivial but I'm rapidly approaching loud and abrasive!
- Grace Hudson: You can't keep a secret.
- Angel Ortiz: What? That is so not true!
- Grace Hudson: The internet keeps secrets better than you.
- [to a waiter in a strip club]
- Grace Hudson: If I wanted a fully-dressed waiter I'd have gone to bloody chop house. Now lose the pants!
- Kristin: Come on, Grace, you don't want to get kicked out again.
- Lee Standish: Grace, you were thrown out of here last time?
- Kristin: Yes, this place makes her a little... handsy.
- Grace Hudson: I don't like a tease, alright? Don't take me to a pet store and then tell me not to rub my face on the puppies!