My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic (TV Series)

Lesson Zero (2011)

Tara Strong: Twilight Sparkle

Quotes 

• Twilight Sparkle : I can't believe I wasted all that time. I should have just come here first. Fluttershy always has some fear she's trying to get over.

  [Twilight arrives at Fluttershy's home to find her apparently wrestling a bear] 

  Twilight Sparkle : Fluttershy?

  [Fluttershy continues to beat up the bear, and snap his neck] 

  Twilight Sparkle : How could this be happening? Of all the days she had to stop being such a scaredy-pony, she had to pick today! What am I going to do?

  [she leaves] 

  Fluttershy : [coming to a stop, Fluttershy begins to massage the bear's shoulders]  You really should have come to me sooner. You were carrying so much tension in that shoulder.

• Spike : Augh... I've been holding that quill so long, I've got a claw cramp! Good thing we don't have anything to report to Princess Celestia this week. I don't think I could write another word!

  Twilight Sparkle : We haven't sent a letter to Princess Celestia this week?

  Spike : Why? Is that bad?

  Twilight Sparkle : Bad? Bad? Of course it's bad! I'm supposed to send Princess Celestia a letter *every week* telling her a lesson I've learned about friendship! Not every other week! Not every ten days! EVERY! SINGLE! WEEK!

• Twilight Sparkle : [setting up a bench for a "psychologist" therapy session, including glasses and a clipboard]  Oh, Rainbow Dash, you don't have to hide your feelings from me! I can tell you two must've had a terrible fight. Now, why don't you tell me all about your issues with Applejack.

  Rainbow Dash : [lying on the bench]  I don't have any issues with Applejack.

  Twilight Sparkle : You don't? Then why are you destroying her property?

  Rainbow Dash : ...because she asked me to.

• Twilight Sparkle : [Twilight teleports herself inside the three girls' beach ball, exploding it; she greets them with a mentally-disturbed smile]  Hi girls!

  Apple Bloom : Oh, hi Twilight. How's it go...

  Twilight Sparkle : [clearly mentally disturbed]  Gr-eat. Just great. You three look like you're doing great too! Looks like three good friends who obviously don't need the help of another good friend.

  [takes out her doll] 

  Twilight Sparkle : This is Smarty Pants. She was mine when I was your age, and now I want to give her to you!

  Scootaloo : [not impressed]  Uhh... she's... great.

  Apple Bloom : Yeah. Great.

  Sweetie Belle : I really... like her... mane?

  Twilight Sparkle : She even comes with her own notebook and quill, for when you want to pretend she's doing her homework!

  [brings out notebook and quill and gives them to two of the girls] 

  Scootaloo : That's... um... great.

  Apple Bloom : Yeah... great.

  Scootaloo : I really like her... mane?

• Twilight Sparkle : My Smarty Pants doll! I enchanted her and now everypony is fighting over her!

  Fluttershy : Why would you enchant your doll?

  Twilight Sparkle : Oh, I had to do something! I had nothing to report to Princess Celestia! I thought if I couldn't find a problem, I'd make a problem! The day is almost over!

  Applejack : Not almost!

  [the sun finishes setting] 

  Princess Celestia : [stern voice; she appears hovering above the chaos]  Twilight Sparkle!

  Applejack : Whoa nelly.

• Twilight Sparkle : Now that we've created the checklist of things we need to create a checklist, we can make my checklist of the things I need to get done by the end of the day. Ready?

  Spike : Ready.

  Twilight Sparkle : Item 1: Create checklist of the things I have to accomplish by the end of the day.

  Spike : *sigh*

• Twilight Sparkle : [after seeing Rainbow wreck Applejack's barn]  Rainbow Dash, stop! Listen, Rainbow, I know you're upset with Applejack, but don't worry! Whatever it is that has come between you two, I'm sure I, as a good friend, can help you resolve your problems!

  Rainbow Dash : Uh... what are you talking about?

• Twilight Sparkle : Clock is ticking, Twilight. Clock. Is. Ticking. Keep it together.

  [looks at her old toy chest] 

  Twilight Sparkle : If I can't find a friendship problem... I'll make a friendship problem!

  [she pulls out an old doll with a sadistic grin on her face] 

• Twilight Sparkle : [Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle continue to fight over Smarty Pants because of Twilight's spell; she gives an annoyed groan]  Big Macintosh! Thank goodness! You've gotta help me get that doll away from those girls!

  Big Macintosh : [sees them fighting]  ... Eeyup.

  [he picks the doll out of their cloudball of violence] 

  Twilight Sparkle : Oh, thank you so much. Now if you could just give her to me?

  Big Macintosh : [suddenly affected by the spell himself]  Mmnope.

  Twilight Sparkle : Oh no!

  Apple Bloom : Give her back!

  Apple Bloom , Scootaloo , Sweetie Belle : [Overlapping lines: Don't touch it!, it's mine, etc] 

  Mayor of Ponyville : [relaxing in a field]  What's all the commotion about?

  Dizzy Twister : [affected by the spell]  They're fighting over that doll!

  Bon Bon : [affected by the spell]  That incredible, amazing doll!

  [many ponies begin fighting and arguing over the doll, including the mayor] 

  Twilight Sparkle : [trying to cancel the spell]  Can't... get... a clear shot!

  Mayor of Ponyville : Gimme!

  Big Macintosh : Nope.

  [he blasts the pile of ponies everywhere] 

  Twilight Sparkle : Oh, what have I done?

• Twilight Sparkle : [annoyed groan]  Big Macintosh! Thank goodness! You've gotta help me get that doll away from those girls!

  Big Macintosh : [sees the girls fighting over Twilight's doll]  ... Eeyup.

  [he carefully pulls the doll out of the ball of violence] 

  Twilight Sparkle : Oh, thank you so much. Now if you could just give her to me?

  Big Macintosh : [overcome by the "Want It, Need It" spell]  Mmnope.

  [he runs off with the doll, and the three girls chase him] 

  Twilight Sparkle : Oh no!

  Apple Bloom : Give her back!

  Apple Bloom , Scootaloo , Sweetie Belle : [don't touch it, it's mine, etc] 

  Mayor of Ponyville : [relaxing in the field that Big Mac and the Cutie Mark Crusaders run through]  What's all the commotion about?

  Dizzy Twister : [affected by the spell]  They're fighting over that doll!

  Bon Bon : [also affected]  That incredible, amazing doll!

  [many ponies argue and fight over the doll] 

  Twilight Sparkle : [trying to deactivate the spell as the doll is fought over]  Can't... get... a clear shot!

  [grunting] 

  Mayor of Ponyville : Gimme!

  Big Macintosh : Nope.

  [he blasts away many ponies across the horizon and breaks free of the ponypile] 

  Twilight Sparkle : Oh, what have I done?

• Twilight Sparkle : Princess Celestia, wait! How did you know I was in trouble?

  Princess Celestia : Your friend Spike made me aware that you were letting your fears get the best of you. I commend him for taking your feelings seriously. Now, if you will all excuse me, I must return to Canterlot. I'm expecting some mail.

  [she flies away and teleports out of sight] 

  Applejack : Y'all heard the Princess. Spike, take a letter.

  [clears throat] 

  Applejack : "Dear Princess Celestia, we're writin' to you because today we all learned a little somethin' about friendship.

  Fluttershy : "We learned that you should take your friends' worries seriously.

  Rainbow Dash : "Even if you don't think that she has anything to worry about.

  Rarity : "And that you shouldn't let your worries turn a small problem...

  Pinkie Pie : "... into an enormously huge entire-town-in-total-chaos Princess-has-to-come-and-save-the-day problem.

  Fluttershy : "Signed, your loyal subjects.

  Spike : "P.S. Obviously Spike did not have to learn a lesson, because he is the best, most awesome friend a pony could ask for. Unlike everypony else, he took things seriously, and-" Eheh... uh... yeah... I'll just, um...

  [he crosses out what he last wrote, and everyone giggles. Spike snorts in mild frustration] 

• Spike : You're the most studious student ever! I'm sure the princess will forgive you if you miss one little deadline.

  Twilight Sparkle : I'm afraid to take that chance, Spike. This is the ruler of all of Equestria we're talking about. The pony who holds my fate in her hooves! What if she doesn't forgive me?

  Spike : Yeah... I don't think she...

  Twilight Sparkle : What if instead she starts thinking I'm not taking my studies on friendship seriously?

  Spike : Why would she...

  Twilight Sparkle : What if she makes me come back to Canterlot and puts me back in school and makes me prove I've been taking them seriously by giving me a test? What if don't pass?

  Spike : Well, why wouldn't you pass...

  Twilight Sparkle : She's my teacher. Do you know what teachers do to students who don't pass? They send them back a grade! But she won't just send me back a grade. She'll send me back to... magic kindergarten!