- Burt Hummel: [to Kurt] Dude, you're gay.
- Kurt Hummel: Excuse me?
- Burt Hummel: You're gay. And you're not like Rock Hudson gay, you're really gay. You sing like Diana Ross and and you dress like you own a magic chocolate factory.
- Quinn Fabray: You can't be in here. It's the girls' bathroom.
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: I'm always here. The stalls are cleaner.
- Brittany Pierce: [to Kurt] The poster that you wanted gave me crippling depression.
- Kurt Hummel: I wanted something toned down!
- Santana Lopez: This is toned down. In the original, the unicorn was riding you.
- Will Schuester: Miss Fabray! Wait. You know, there's only one person in this world that you care about. And that's yourself.
- Quinn Fabray: You have no idea...
- Will Schuester: [slams his hand on the table] I'M NOT FINISHED!
- Becky Jackson: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Will Schuester: You're not a little girl anymore, Quinn. How long are you planning on playing the victim card? Since day one, you've done nothing but sabotage the same Glee club that's been there for you over and over again! When you got pregnant, when your parents kicked you out... You know, Mercedes even let you live in her house! And I don't recall ever hearing so much as a 'thank you'. Tonight, you're a train wreck. Well, congratulations. But you stride into my office and tell me it's MY fault? Well, then I have something to say to you: grow up.
- Will Schuester: So, every day after choir practice, I am instituting a mandatory booty camp. So we can work on our dancing. Now, it's not for all of you, just the people that I think need help. Like...
- Finn Hudson: Finn.
- Will Schuester: How did you know?
- Brittany Pierce: I'm also a unicorn. Maybe a bi-corn. Either way, I'm starting to believe in my own magic.
- Kurt Hummel: I don't know if you've noticed, but no one's really looking for a Kurt Hummel type to play the opposite Kate Hudson in a rom com.
- Shannon Beiste: [Speaking of Kurt's suitability to play the lead role of Tony in West Side Story] Listen, I love the kid, but I want a Tony who excites my lady parts. Hummel's too much of a lady.
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: Hey, you need to lose the skank act and get it together.
- Quinn Fabray: Look, everyone needs to leave me alone because this is who I am.
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: You look like a Real Housewife of Reno.