- Phineas: Ferb and I wrote a twenty-eight volume science fiction / swashbuckling / historical romance / tell all / potboiler / mystery / satire / buddy-cop adventure / tragedy / how-to / action novel.
- Major Monogram: Doofenshmirtz has been buying up all the hard salami, kaiser rolls, pickles, roast beef, mustard, horseradish, sauerkraut and pimento loaf in the Tri-State Area. We don't know what it means, but it sounds like a recipe for evil. Or at least an evil sandwich.
- Dad: Breaker, breaker, one-nine. This is Cheeky Monkey. Anybody got their flappers on out there?
- Mom: Cheeky Monkey?
- Dad: Oh, that's me. It's my... it's my handle.
- Mom: How do YOU know how to use a CB-radio?
- Dad: Simple. I studied this.
- Mom: [reading the cover of an 8-track tape] "Truck Drivin' Hits, 1975-1975."
- Dad: Oh, go on. Play track three! It's the one where a group of truckers take down a corrupt police force using only their trucks and their saucy colloquialisms.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Luckily, Aaron's Deli was having a sale - half a gallon of chicken soup free with every forty-dollar purchase. All that chicken soup and it didn't cost me a nickel! Heh-hehh! Of course, I had to buy a lot of food, mostly deli meats. They're piled up in the halls. It's... kind of warm in there. I hope they keep.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Parry the Platypus! Look, I don't know how you escaped or what you did with the other platypus but, here, these two-day-old bagels are harder than Bessemer steel! Have a nosh!
- [begins throwing food menacingly]
- Driver: Delivery! Hey, aren't you two a little young to be receiving a seasoned grill, 300 pounds of coffee, 200 pounds of fatback, four tons of lumber and assorted wheat, rye and pumpernickel breads?
- Phineas: Think about it. This really isn't the issue here, right?
- Mom: Your father wants me to listen to one of his "soundscapes," so I figured I'd strap on the headphones and finally get those flowers planted in the backyard.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, let's see. I'm eastbound with a smoky on my twenty on a cab over Louie with... You know, I'm gonna level with ya. I-I don't know where I am or what I'm saying, really. Is... is there a code for that?
- Dad: No worries, Miss. Just keep your metal up and your rubber down.