Horrible Histories (TV Series)

Episode #3.1 (2011)

Ben Willbond: Various

Quotes 

• General : How much land have we taken back off those dastardly Germans?

  Corporal : Well, Sir. We have pushed the enemy back...

  [moves a wedge with the German flag very slightly on a map] 

  Corporal : ... two miles.

  General : [Gasps]  Two mi... oh. That's not very much, is it? But, progress nevertheless, what? I think we should celebrate a job well done!

  Corporal : Well, it has taken us five months, Sir.

  General : Nyah nyah nyah. It's always the negatives with you, isn't it, Corporal? Modern warfare takes time, man!

  Corporal : It's cost us 620,000 men, Sir.

  General : Urgh, 6... oh. That is rather a lot, isn't it? But on the plus side, we are two miles nearer to Berlin, what? How much further to go?

  Corporal : 490 miles, Sir.

  General : I see. So, we've only moved two miles in five months. So at this rate, we should be in Berlin by... oh, don't tell me...

  [the Corporal counts on his fingers] 

  General : ... 490, divided by the 2, times by the 5, carry over the doodah... and, er... what's-eh-my-face...

  Corporal : It's over 100 years, Sir.

  General : Oh. Er... well, we... won't be alive then, will we?

  Corporal : Not with you in charge, Sir, no.