- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ow! Shot in the butt while covered in honey and hair. What do you know? My horoscope was right.
- [Phineas leaves Candace under a hair restoration machine with instructions to stay under it for thirty minutes at setting 5, but Jeremy will arrive in ten minutes]
- Candace: Stacy, crank this thing up. If it takes a half hour on 5, it should do the trick in ten seconds on 20.
- Zoologist 1: I bet I'll have more species named after me that you do. Care to make a wager?
- Zoologist 2: No!
- Zoologist 1: Why not?
- Zoologist 2: Because your last name is Pithicus!
- Mrs. Johnson: [spotting Candace] That's not Professor Herbert Fonzworth Weatherman Jones. That's the rare tangerine orangutan! We have to capture it and return it to the wild.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: In fact, I come from a long line of great meatloaf chefs. The recipe was first created by my great grandmother, Gretel Doofenshmirtz, who passed it down to my grandpa, Jose Doofenshmirtz - weird story there - then he passed it down to my mom, who passed it down to... Roger! Ugh! Naturally, I had to steal it from him, and when I did, I finally found out what the secret ingredient was. The secret ingredient... was hate. Usually it's love, but Great Grandma Gretel had some issues.