- Nick Fury: Coulson, you have any idea where our teenage, heroes-in-training are?
- Agent Phil Coulson: Sir, I'm in the middle of a crisis. This school's budget is a mess! I'm trimming the fat. No more doors on boy's bathroom stalls, rougher toilet paper - Hey, maybe SHIELD can donate...
- Nick Fury: [Hangs up on him] Good Godfry, Coulson's gone native.
- Agent Phil Coulson: Director Fury, I need the full power of SHIELD's legal team stat! We need to limit how much actual meat you need to legally call something "meatloaf". We can save the budget, man!
- Nick Fury: Coulson, we need to talk priorities.
- Agent Phil Coulson: You can settle it in detention.
- Peter Parker: Detention! Principle Coulson, I've never had detention before in my life! Aww, my aunt is gonna kill me. Then she's going to bring me back as a zombie and kill me again!